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To be upset at being left alone every Sunday

(258 Posts)
acornsandnuts Sun 20-May-18 14:47:22

DH cycles, every fucking Sunday. Leaves at 8 and arrives back between 2 and 4. Dcs are older teens with lives. My friends understandably spend Sunday’s with their family. I’m bored. I’m quite capable of entertaining myself and regularly do without a complaint, but it’s every fucking Sunday plus two evenings a week.

I’m really starting to resent it.

WIBU to ask for one Sunday a month to be cycle free?

HRTpatch Sun 20-May-18 14:48:07

I'd be delighted 🤣

Talith Sun 20-May-18 14:50:03

My XH did this. Note the X.

redexpat Sun 20-May-18 14:51:09

I dont think thats an ur request. But if dh wanted me to cut down on time doing something I love I would expect it to be replaced by something else iyswim. I wouldnt want to sit around at home doing nothing or chores.

Zoflorabore Sun 20-May-18 14:54:19

I would love it too but appreciate that you have a problem with it.
Have you a hobby that you could pursue yourself?

I personally need and love having time to myself for my own sanity. I use it to sleep, to clean or to read, amongst other things.

I do think Sundays are a little bit depressing though in general.
What does H say when you mention it?

acornsandnuts Sun 20-May-18 14:54:30

Neither do I want to spend it doing chores. I want to go out for boozy lunches or walks at the beach....with him....on occasion. Not that much to ask surely.

ikeepaforkinmypurse Sun 20-May-18 14:55:27

If you organise something to do with him, does he refuse to join in?
If so, then YANBU and talk to him about compromises.
If he is just not interested in staying home for the sake of staying home, I can't blame him. Sport and hobbies can become pretty addictive, so one day a week and a couple of evenings is not that much for an adult.

It's different if you need help with a baby, but otherwise I don't agree with partners being responsible for entertaining their other half.

Sirzy Sun 20-May-18 14:55:41

What do you both do on Saturdays? Do you both work Monday- Friday?

acornsandnuts Sun 20-May-18 14:56:36

I have hobbies thanks. But I don’t want, or feel that I should, go searching for a hobby to fill time that occasionally I think should be spent together. One fucking day a month.

acornsandnuts Sun 20-May-18 14:57:40

Saturdays are chores. Shopping. Visiting his parents. Something stuff with DCs if needed.

He has suggested I paint the garden fence to fill my time.

Sirzy Sun 20-May-18 14:58:26

So why not make time one Saturday a month to do something together?

ikeepaforkinmypurse Sun 20-May-18 14:59:39

He has suggested I paint the garden fence to fill my time.
does the man have a death wish? grin

On a serious note, why don't you do things together - apart from visiting his parents - on Saturdays? I hate the idea of doing chores at the weekend, such a waste of time for me.

acornsandnuts Sun 20-May-18 15:00:18

Because I would then be left to do the chores in a Sunday while he’s out for his ride. Win win for him.

NoNamesLeft86 Sun 20-May-18 15:01:11

TBH I don't see why you can't just spend Saturday doing what you wanted to do together and let him have his bike rides.

Summersnake Sun 20-May-18 15:01:12

Oh my god,I'd be waving mine of with flags out...I would love that sooo much..sorry that dosnt help you...head to the gym for sauna and a swim x

WhiteCoyote Sun 20-May-18 15:01:21

Yanbu in the slightest! Love is compromise. He needs his hobby but when it’s making the other half of a two way relationship unhappy then he needs to scale back. I’d say every other weekend would be fair.

Sirzy Sun 20-May-18 15:01:29

Do chores then do something together? In the time that you would sometimes visit parents or do stuff for the kids.

liz70 Sun 20-May-18 15:01:45

My parents had this, only in reverse. My dad got fed up, then decided to join in, so they both joined the local club, and ended up meeting lots of people, and cycling all around the UK and Europe on cycle touring holidays.

Sorry, not very helpful, I know!

ikeepaforkinmypurse Sun 20-May-18 15:02:08

Why can't you both do chores during the week? He can always give up one of his evening cycling a week if he doesn't have time to do his bits.

If he's spending half his weekends with you, chose to do something else than chores together!

BakedBeans47 Sun 20-May-18 15:02:55

YANBU. It’s the same here.

TipseyTorvey Sun 20-May-18 15:03:31

Curious as to why it has to be all those hours. Could he not do e.g 8am to 12pm and you have the afternoons and evenings to go and so something together. I totally get why he might want some time for himself but does it have to go on til 2pm which means you can't ever go out for lunch for example?

adaline Sun 20-May-18 15:04:28

I would be spending Saturday with him and Sundays doing my own thing. Surely you don't need to spend an entire Saturday every week doing chores or errands?

BlueTrousers Sun 20-May-18 15:05:28

Have you asked him to not cycle one Sunday a month so you can do something together? What did he say?

BakedBeans47 Sun 20-May-18 15:05:42

Tipsey I don’t know about the OP’s OH but mine is in a bike club so you really need to do the route/timings they’re doing

NotSureThisIsWhatIWant Sun 20-May-18 15:06:28

Cycling and running was that put the nail in the coffin in my marriage. I think you have the following options:

1) start cycling
2) find a new network of friends who are available on Sunday
3) if he has other substantial negative traits, dump him and start again.

I have to say that weekends are difficult when you are on your own... the only thing that makes them better is not being seething at his “living his life” and leaving you to deal with the chores at home.

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