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To not pay them?

(309 Posts)
upsideup Sat 19-May-18 17:24:57

For 11 year old dd's sport there is a big event abroad in the beginning of the summer holidays that she is going to, her friend who also does the sports wanted to go but her parents couldnt take her so we offered to.

Original plan was for both me and DH to take the girls but we did mention when it was arranged that I was pregnant but that hopefully as long as all went to plan I would be fine going on the trip. I admit this was only casually mentioned and only once because after 4 easy pregnancies I didnt expect this one to be different but it was definately mentioned. I've decided not to go as I feel safer at home, we told them this last week ago and they said it was fine and hoped I got better. DH is still definately okay taking them on his own.

They now have phoned and said now they have thought it over and because we have changed the arrangements that were previously offered that they no longer want their dd to come so are expecting us cover the costs of this. The dd still wants to come, she has phoned my dd today in tears because they have been looking forward to this for months.

AIBU to not pay them anything? The offer to take their dd will stay open, if we were taking away that offer then of course we would pay.

StealthPolarBear Sat 19-May-18 17:25:57


Melliegrantfirstlady Sat 19-May-18 17:26:33

Seems odd. How much?

Hisnamesblaine Sat 19-May-18 17:26:34

How much money are we talking?

OrcinusOrca Sat 19-May-18 17:28:26

YANBU. Sound like they've changed their mind and are trying to use you not going as reasons to get cash back.

Mammalamb Sat 19-May-18 17:28:30

Is it because they are not comfortable with only a man taking the girls? Why doesn’t the girls mother go in your place? You definitely don’t owe them anything

Racecardriver Sat 19-May-18 17:29:18


Pengggwn Sat 19-May-18 17:29:40

I am confused. What would you be giving them money for?

upsideup Sat 19-May-18 17:30:45

Just above £1000 but they have said they will work out the exact figure for us!

Barbaro Sat 19-May-18 17:31:59

Have they definitely paid up and aren't just being cheeky and trying to get free money?

Either way, decline. Its not your responsibility, if they feel you aren't up to standard, why did they agree in the first place? They are being rude.

ColourfulOrangex Sat 19-May-18 17:32:02

So they paid for their daughter but for you to take her?

They want that money back?

How old is the daughter? I wonder if it's because it would just be your DP taking the girls and maybe they feel a bit uncomfortable but why can't one of them take her? Surely they don't both have to go

ColourfulOrangex Sat 19-May-18 17:32:23

Oh also don't think you are in the wrong

Lucked Sat 19-May-18 17:32:50


Pengggwn Sat 19-May-18 17:33:28

Oh, I see. They have paid, but now they want you to reimburse them? No.

Hisnamesblaine Sat 19-May-18 17:34:22

Did they give a specific reason as to why she won't be going now? I would ask them.outright?

DelphiniumBlue Sat 19-May-18 17:34:23

That seems a pretty unreasonable request from them, even if they didn't know you were pregnant. What if you couldn't go for other reasons, like a broken leg?
Life doesn't come with guarantees, and you've said that you expected this pregnancy to be trouble free,but it isn't. Do they really expect you to put yourself and the baby at risk ?
It's their decision not to send their daughter, no reason why you should pay. Presumably you've already incurred costs on cancelling yourself.
Could one of them take your place?
I'd say they are CFs!

Iloveacurry Sat 19-May-18 17:34:54

No, I think they’re being cheeky. Are they uncomfortable about your DH taking them by himself? Even so, you shouldn’t be paying them back.

MiggeldyHiggins Sat 19-May-18 17:36:15

Is this money they have paid for her to go? Tell them to jog on.

upsideup Sat 19-May-18 17:36:22

We were never paying for their daughter to come we were just looking after on the trip her parents were paying for.
Though accomidation is owned by DH's friends so none of us were paying for that and we would pay for her food etc whilst we were there. We won't lose anything from her not comming but her parents will which they are asking us to give back to them.

Jammycustard Sat 19-May-18 17:36:24


SauvignonBlanche Sat 19-May-18 17:39:30

Madness - tell them to jog on!

Urubu Sat 19-May-18 17:39:38

Of course YANBU

Pengggwn Sat 19-May-18 17:40:03

No, OP, just remind them that the offer of adult supervision for their DD stands, and if they choose to not take that up the costs are their concern.

HeebieJeebies456 Sat 19-May-18 17:44:51

the trip is still going ahead - they have decided to cancel.
So they need to suck up non refundable costs like tickets etc.

upsideup Sat 19-May-18 17:45:39

Shes 11.
All they said is that they are not happy with us changing the original offer we gave in taking their dd which I imagine means they dont feel comfortable with only one adult who is male looking after their dd, unless there is another reason which is nothing to do with us why they no longer want her to come.

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