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AIBU or do you think they were just being helpful

(99 Posts)
starbucks15 Thu 17-May-18 16:59:35

I'm not sure if iabu or not but this is an issue I have with my pil. They have a key to our house which DH gave them. They will ring the bell or knock when I'm there but will often drop in stuff or pick up stuff if I'm not there but usually will tell either me or DH they are dropping by. We came home from holiday recently (day time flight) to find some basic groceries left for us despite living 2 mins away from a shop and some tidying done and our post arranged. This doesn't bother DH but it bothers me as in makes me feel uncomfortable that that they let themselves into our home without asking/telling us. Mil can be quiet nosey which makes me feel uneasy about her being in our house. DH wouldn't even dream of asking for the key back and has stated that if my parents let themselves in and out he'd have no problem with it either. We changed the locks two years ago and mil kept going on about making sure she got a key from us.

Sirzy Thu 17-May-18 17:01:23

I couldn’t get upset about someone being kind and leaving basics for when you get back from holiday

Shadow666 Thu 17-May-18 17:04:39

I wouldn’t like it either. Boundaries, OP, boundaries.

ALiensAbductedMe Thu 17-May-18 17:04:58

Wow how unreasonable! Buying you shopping and making the house pleasant for your return 🙄😳 I would shout at her and then go NC! God knows what's next, offering to help with childcare or even, god forbid, constantly trying to be a decent person and make life easier for you and your family!

SongforSal Thu 17-May-18 17:06:50

I think that's really thoughtful actually. A bit of tidying and some food and drink for you both.

SneakyGremlins Thu 17-May-18 17:07:17

So they:
- let you know when they're coming around
- tell you if they're going to leave things
- thoughtfully got in some food bits to make sure you didn't have to come home from holiday and go out again to the shop when you might be tired from travelling
- Are generally decent people

And you're upset? hmm

CaliforniaDream Thu 17-May-18 17:07:20

Not trying to be snarky but genuinely struggling to see what the issue is here. They left you basics for your first night back and had a little tidy... that seems really helpful and kind.

If they'd moved your furniture, laundered all your pants, deep cleaned your sex toy box and thrown away an armchair I would understand but it seems like they've just done a small, considerate thing to welcome you home. I couldn't get annoyed about it!

Shadow666 Thu 17-May-18 17:07:51

But, would people really let themselves into someone else’s house?

I mean, I could break into my neighbors house, tidy up a bit, water his plants, feed his cat, but I suspect it would freak the shit out of him unless he had actually asked me to do so.

CaliforniaDream Thu 17-May-18 17:10:12

@Shadow666 hmm but that isn't what happened here. Her PsIL have a key, presumably know them well, and occasionally let them in for other errands. How is that the same as breaking in to a neighbour's house?!

BertrandRussell Thu 17-May-18 17:11:51

No that wouldn't bother me at all.

Olicity17 Thu 17-May-18 17:13:54

It isnt the same as breaking in at all. Since they have a key.

No this wouldnt bother me at all. I think you are beign daft.

nudepolish Thu 17-May-18 17:13:56

Actually I wouldn't like it either. Fine it you'd asked them to keep an eye on the house while you were away and water the garden but otherwise I'd fell uncomfortable.

Incarnationsofunderstanding Thu 17-May-18 17:16:14

My parents have a key and my dad turns he heating off to save me money so I then freeze grin

Really think YABU

Shadow666 Thu 17-May-18 17:18:09

Because it annoys the OP. If the OP didn’t mind then there wouldn’t be a problem, but she does mind, so it is a problem.

They didn’t ask the OP first if she minded and she has no idea what else they were doing there, ie poking around in her stuff. Just randomly letting yourself into someone else’s house to do a bit of tidying isn’t helpful, it’s rude unless you check with them first.

MyKingdomForBrie Thu 17-May-18 17:18:17

What a rabid bitch leaving you groceries and a nice house.. wish my MIL was such an awful cow.

Frannibananni Thu 17-May-18 17:19:10

I think it's nice..

BertrandRussell Thu 17-May-18 17:21:24

"Because it annoys the OP. If the OP didn’t mind then there wouldn’t be a problem, but she does mind, so it is a problem"

And obviously as a dil her wishes are paramount.

PoppyFleur Thu 17-May-18 17:22:38

I think they have been rather thoughtful in leaving a few essentials for your return from holiday. Also, having locked myself out of the house recently, it's very useful to have a spare set of keys with someone nearby.

Shadow666 Thu 17-May-18 17:23:02

I don’t understand what you mean? It’s the OPs house. If she isn’t comfortable with her in laws letting themselves in and tidying up when she’s not there, then of course her wishes are important. confused

Nogodsnomasters Thu 17-May-18 17:23:29

I've never answered an aibu until now but yabu. Definitely.

Racecardriver Thu 17-May-18 17:24:34

I think it depends on your relationship. My siblings in law do this sometimes as do we. But we all get on well, have keys to each others houses, have lived together etc.

RatherBeRiding Thu 17-May-18 17:25:01

Bit on the fence with this one. There was no evidence MIL had been rooting through your personal stuff I guess? I actually think it's quite nice they'd bothered to get you some bits in, check your post and tidy up and your DH obviously doesn't mind and it's his home too.......

SneakyGremlins Thu 17-May-18 17:25:08

Shadow OP hasn't said anywhere that PIL are aware of those wishes though.

BertrandRussell Thu 17-May-18 17:26:53

"I don’t understand what you mean? It’s the OPs house."

Oh, are these her ex's parents? I didn't realise. Yes, that is a bit odd.

ProseccoPoppy Thu 17-May-18 17:29:54

I’ve done this for my parents. I just thought I was being helpful blush I have a key and thought it would be nice for them to come home and not trip over a stack of post on the way in and that they’d appreciate being able to have a cuppa. Didn’t occur to me that they’d mind - hopefully they didn’t!

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