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AIBU husband won't let me attend his gigs

(131 Posts)
Bijoux55 Wed 16-May-18 18:20:35

My husband is a musician & DJ. We used to always go his gigs together and I helped sell merchandise etc. Now he has a new band and refuses to let me go with him to gigs or DJ slots. He says it's his thing, there's no room in the car - anything. Even if it's in our town. We seldom go out together anyway and I feel unreasonably lonely (I have no family & few friends) and left out after enjoying going to the gigs for many years. If I approach him about it he gets angry. Then I get tearful and he gets crosser. I feel like I'm trying to foist myself somewhere I'm obviously not welcome anymore. Quite depressed. There are 2 other people in the band, a man & a woman. We have no children so no babysitting problems. Any ideas? Thanking people in advance.

FizzyGreenWater Wed 16-May-18 18:21:34

Do you know the other band members?

HollowTalk Wed 16-May-18 18:21:56

I would take it that the marriage had ended. He doesn't want you near him, even when there's absolutely no reason for it.

Do you think anything's going on with the woman in the band or another woman? It sure as hell sounds like it from here.

AnyFucker Wed 16-May-18 18:23:00

He has something (or someone) to hide.

KitanaKay Wed 16-May-18 18:23:13

Really really odd. I don’t want to jump to the worst case scenario but do you have any concerns about him and the women in the band?

Or when you went before did you not like him drinking a lot or anything?

I think you’re entitled to feel confused and upset.

niccyb Wed 16-May-18 18:23:18

I would be very suspicious as to why he doesn’t want you there x

SoyDora Wed 16-May-18 18:23:18

^ what HollowTalk said.

Thehop Wed 16-May-18 18:23:50

I would suspect OW. Other band member maybe?

Trinity66 Wed 16-May-18 18:24:21

Sounds odd that it used to be ok but it isn't now.

liz70 Wed 16-May-18 18:24:24

It all sounds very suspect, I'm afraid.

Peanutbuttercups21 Wed 16-May-18 18:24:39

Something is up, there is another woman who is "his"

blaaake Wed 16-May-18 18:24:51

Tell him to grow up

MrsMozart Wed 16-May-18 18:26:15

Most odd indeed.

Have you asked him why things have changed (changed from his pov)?

Puttingthefootdown Wed 16-May-18 18:27:25

I'd also suspect OW

LanaKanesTerfyVagina Wed 16-May-18 18:28:47

Yeah this would ring massive alarm bells for me.

My partner is in a band...both male and female members..they gig all over the EU.

Despite us having a child and me not being able to go to all of them, he has always moved mountains to enable me to go.
Inc blagging us extra rooms so we could spend a long weekend in eastern Europe with them.

We get included in every band party/event we can be.

I'd be v v fucking suspicious if I suddenly couldn't.

Mumminmum Wed 16-May-18 18:30:20

he is just not that into you any more.

longtompot Wed 16-May-18 18:31:27

Sounds suspicious. I would probably go along to a local gig, just to see what is going on.

Starlight2345 Wed 16-May-18 18:31:53

Yep the fact when you get tearful he gets angry . I would not trust him at all.

Petalflowers Wed 16-May-18 18:33:33

My immediate thought his he is enjoying being a young, free and single person again, and also wondered whether his head has been turned by another woman, whether band member or a fan. ( or drugs?)

Can you compromise and say you will go to one gig a month?

Or invite the other band members to your house for a meal or takeaway. Do you know them (and trust them) .

If all else fails, next time he is playing locally, don’t ask to go, it just turn up!

Porcupinepine Wed 16-May-18 18:33:41

Hiding something/someone. Is he even playing gigs?

WalkingOnAFlashlightBeam Wed 16-May-18 18:34:40

Your relationship is over because he is fucking or trying to fuck his female band mate. I'm so, so sorry. How dare he not even afford you the dignity of the truth.

Perfectway Wed 16-May-18 18:36:12

Or he has a little posse of groupies he flirts with.

MinisterforCheekyFuckery Wed 16-May-18 18:36:12

I'm sorry, OP but I think there's something decidedly fishy going on. The fact that he used to be fine with you going to his gigs but now he it's all of a sudden not allowed and he gets angry and defensive if you question it rings massive alarm bells. I would be concerned that he's using the gigs as an opportunity to meet other women.

Perfectway Wed 16-May-18 18:36:33

You being there would cramp his style.

Dontknowwhatimdoing Wed 16-May-18 18:36:45

Unfortunately there only seems to be two possible explanations for his behaviour. Either he has another woman, or he just doesn't want your company. Either way it sounds like your marriage is over. I'm sorry OP. Might be time to start planning a life without him.

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