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Daddy to dad

(172 Posts)
BananasAreTheSourceOfEvil Thu 10-May-18 02:37:51

My kids 10,9, 7.5 came home after the weekend (father just moved in with gf who wants a baby) and told me that their father had told them they were too old to refer to him as daddy and that other kids would make fun of them as they were too old.

Cue automatic claws out reflex from me.

This has come out of the blue- they’re very young for their age, he’s always been daddy but explained that they had to move to dad.

They’re upset. AIBU by thinking... well it’s a bit unreasonable. Ex still refers to his own father as daddy!

Kids are upset, I’m annoyed but don’t want to lose my temper if I’m being overly sensitive.

Allreadygone Thu 10-May-18 07:57:34

What's wrong with calling him father?
I have a feeling that in the USA it is fairly usual to refer to fathers as Sir.

Ohmydayslove Thu 10-May-18 07:57:39

Agree with pps adults saying mummy and daddy unless in a lovely Irish accent sounds cringe

DiamondsBestFriend Thu 10-May-18 08:05:11

God there are some stuck-up twats on this thread.... hmm I think all of them are several years too old to be using mummy and daddy. If they’re young for their age that’s probably because you’re babying them in this way. I suppose the seven year old is to old for toys as well then? And father Christmas, and being a child still. Do unclench, there’s a love.

Seriously I can’t believe that people actually believe this shite about how a seven year old is too old to call their father daddy.

The issue here is that the father has told the children they can’t call him daddy any more and they’re upset by it. That makes it the OP’s business.

My ex went one further and told mine I was too old to be called mummy and to stop. I told them to ignore him. grin.

If a parent has an issue with it that says more about the parent than it does about the child. Children usually come to this type of decision in their own time and their own way. Any parent who feels the need to force the issue, especially to a seven year old needs to have a look in the mirror first.

Ohmydayslove Thu 10-May-18 08:12:00

Totally agree about the 7 year old but it could br that dad genuinely thinks the 10 year old could be teased?? Just mentioned it to them both as easier for them both to name change than just one?

Agree this is generally child led but just trying to maybe see the dad in the best light? However can totally see the ops annoyance

IWannaSeeHowItEnds Thu 10-May-18 08:12:24

I think it is awful that he's done this, esp at a time when the dc are already dealing with so many changes that they have no control over. He's hurt them - that's much worse than some hypothetical kid at school saying something mean.
I would tell him that they are sad and hurt - he shouldn't be shielded from the consequences of his actions. I also agree with pp that gf's hand is in this somewhere, if he has never indicated unhappiness with 'daddy' before now.
What's likely to happen long term is that the dc won't feel so close to him - he'll move on to second family and never really appreciate what he is losing!
It's maybe okay to suggest kids just say mummy and daddy at home, once they get to a certain age, but you have to be really careful and consider everythi g else that's going on with them, brcause really it should come from the kids themselves.
He is a twat.

ICantCopeAnymore Thu 10-May-18 08:39:20

In Wales it's Mammy and Daddy your whole life. There's no age limit and it's the norm.

How odd people think it's babying children.

sirfredfredgeorge Thu 10-May-18 08:43:47

He is not BU, other than for the make fun comment, it is his choice what he is called, if he does not want to be known as daddy, then he can say he won't respond to it any more please call me X, then that is unquestionably his right. The right to choose your identity is crucial. When talking about him to them, you should also respect those decisions.

Bunbunbunny Thu 10-May-18 08:56:07

I still call my dad daddy occasionally, just switch between the two without thinking!

Let your dc decide what to call him

coffeecupofmilk Thu 10-May-18 09:00:22

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WhatToDoAboutWailmerGoneRogue Thu 10-May-18 09:02:20

I must've missed that parenting class what is the age cut off for mummy and daddy

channingtatumspecs Don’t be so silly. OP was asking for our opinions and I gave mine, hence why I lead with I think and not It’s a fact that.

It is my opinion that these children are far too old for it and it is my opinion that the impression OP is giving is that she’s babying her children with such a shocked reaction at a mundane thing.

fearfultrill Thu 10-May-18 09:03:36

I have friends in their late 20s who still call their parents Mummy and Daddy grin

coffeecupofmilk Thu 10-May-18 09:03:43

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Rainydaydog Thu 10-May-18 09:04:31

When talking about him to them, you should also respect those decisions.
I don't have an ex with a gf but if I did I would refer to them as Your Father and That Woman I'm sorry to say.

ICantCopeAnymore Thu 10-May-18 09:06:00

And Welsh. Nice to know that's what's culturally normal for us is so despicable to Mumsnet.

BlueJava Thu 10-May-18 09:07:18

Your ExH probably didn't realise this would upset the children - when his GF proposed it (as she no doubt did) it seemed quite reasonable to make a differentiation.

I'd tell him "The children are upset, there seems to have been some confusion about the fact they can't call you Daddy anymore. Could you sort it with them because I'm sure you didn't mean to upset them" then I'd leave it. If he persists then you can brace for reduced visits, less care and less general responsibility from his side - sorry!

coffeecupofmilk Thu 10-May-18 09:08:53

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FranticallyPeaceful Thu 10-May-18 09:09:43

I’m 31 and still refer to my father as daddy at times blush engrained. And I was never bullied for it

FASH84 Thu 10-May-18 09:10:34

Almost all of the people I went to uni with who had been educated privately, called their parents mummy and daddy or mother and father. If I'd done so at my state comp I would've been a laughing stock.

BananasAreTheSourceOfEvil Thu 10-May-18 09:10:52

I'm not being weird about the GF- she's nuttier than a squirrel smothered in peanut butter. She upset my eldest two years ago when driving my kids home and they thought they had seen their dad in town by turning round and hissing 'he's not your daddy- he's my daddy!'

Wont even go into the underwear she buys him, just to say that some have 'daddy' printed across the arse. Kids saw this, not me- I dont raid his underwear drawer.

Thankyou for the advice, I think I will just text him and say he has upset them and to clarify this- hes a tool but I dont think h would intentionally set out to hurt their feelings. I do get the 'embarrassment' thing. I was seven when someone made fun of me at school for calling my parents mummy and daddy, I had never realised before that it wasnt 'cool'.

harriethoyle Thu 10-May-18 09:12:09

39 years old and still call the rents Mummy and Daddy!! grin

OP I think your ex has been a cock but I don't think it's an issue for you to intervene in. He can choose what he would like to be called although I totally disagree with him on it!

Shmithecat Thu 10-May-18 09:13:13

I still call my parents mummy and daddy. I'm 42. Working class. No uni/private education. My DM is Irish and always called her parents mammy and daddy. Maybe that why I still call my parents that way. Not really bothered what anyone else makes of that 🤷‍♀️

porkiepiesky Thu 10-May-18 09:15:20

What a bizarre thing to be judgy about, what's wrong with a 10 year old still saying mummy/daddy?

Mumsnet has a reputation for being judgy. Threads like this don't help!

OP, YANBU.

897654321abcvrufhfgg Thu 10-May-18 09:15:52

It’s up to the kids. I still call my parents mummy and daddy at 41,

amusedbush Thu 10-May-18 09:17:02

I've been shot down on similar threads before but yes, I do think they are a bit old for "mummy" and "daddy". The only adults I know who use those terms are vair vair posh but it does make me cringe a bit.

Those are just my thoughts though. I wouldn't tell anyone in real life because what you call your parents doesn't hurt anyone.

FASH84 Thu 10-May-18 09:17:28

I think it's all personal preference, my mum prefers to be called nanny by GC we don't have any yet but I've told her to get used to the idea of grandma as she isn't a goat or a paid form of childcare.

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