Is this groom a CF?

[SaveBandit]

I usually love a good CF thread and ones mixed in with weddings are always great. But now that it's happening to us I'm not sure what to do!

We went to a wedding at the weekend for one of DH's colleagues. They had an amazon gift list so DH ordered something from there. It came in quite a big box and the shape of the actual gift meant that we had to wrap the box with the gift inside.

When we arrived we noticed that nobody else had presents, thought nothing of it but people kept commenting and saying "We just got them vouchers/money." We asked DH's colleague, the groom, where to put it and he was quite surprised and said "We weren't expecting gifts. Thank you, can you put it by the post box for cards?"

So we did, forgot all about it and enjoyed the day and night. Towards the end of the night we stood near the post box and I pointed out that ours was still the only present. DH laughed it off and said "Looks like we're the only ones who saw the gift list!" Left a short while after and thought nothing more about the gift.

DH got a message last night from groom saying "Thanks for coming on Saturday and for the gift. We had a bit of a last minute change and decided to ask for money towards the honeymoon instead of what we'd put on the gift list. Can we arrange to send it back and just get the money for it instead? I can pass it back next week when I'm back in work. Really appreciate the thought but definitely think we need a holiday after the stress of wedding planning."

The gift cost £70. DH didn't reply but showed it to me. I was just shocked at how cheeky it was. I'm leaving it up to him to sort because I have only met the couple a handful of times. I do just feel a bit stupid turning up with this huge box when everyone else seemed to be told to give money/vouchers. Dh said this was the first he'd heard of giving money and he has no problem giving money but feels asking if we can return it and give him money instead is a bit out of order.

Should we just return it and leave it at that or does anyone have any choice words or phrases we can reply with?!

[Hideandgo]

Just do as he requested. CF has already done the damage by asking to return it. Nothing to be gained by letting him know you think he’s rude. He clearly doesn’t care.

[Ohyesiam]

I think it’s quite good to ask for what you want, as long as it’s polite.
That said I wouldn’t have the nerve to ask like the groom did.
I’d do it if it wasn’t a hassle for me.

[SneakyGremlins]

I think asking you to return it is a bit far

[Mrsglitterfairy]

Wow! Cheeky fuckery at its finest there. I don’t object to asking for money towards honeymoon etc - we did the same when we got married - but to ask for a gift then to send it back?! Wow just wow

[Fruitcorner123]

You spent £70 on a work friend and he's actually complaining!!!. i would have spent £25. It's out of order and really poor form to ask you to return a gift. Even if you had just bought them a random photo frame you had chosen it would still be rude but it was on a Amazon wishlist they had made and they must know how expensive it was!!

I don't know what he should do but I think I would return it and give them less money. Or if i liked the item keep it and send them £20.

[moofeatures]

Wow!

Maybe reply with something along the lines of:
"We prefer to give physical gifts as we think it's more thoughtful. I hope you enjoy using it, and I'm sure you'll have a lovely honeymoon "

The CF-ery of it though!

[Makegoodchoices]

I’d probably return it and give them only £50 cash...admin & additional handling fees

[moreismore]

I would agree with returning it and giving less money...then wait and see if he dares comment on that!

[keepingbees]

That's very cheeky and rude! They must have wanted the item to put it on their original list, so it would have been much more graceful to keep the one and only (very generous) gift they got.

I like a previous posters idea of returning it then giving them less money. I think that's what I would do!

[WhatchaMaCalllit]

Loving the "We weren't expecting gifts" bit after they had gone to the trouble of setting up an Amazon gift list and clearly sending out a link to it to the guests!

CF is alive and well in this one, OP!

Just waiting to hear what others might suggest. I don't have any other suggestions except to say "Oh, I'm sorry. I'm unable to arrange the return of a gift simply because you've changed your mind. That 7 or 14 day window has been and gone so I won't actually be able to return it to Amazon. You'll have to hang on to the gift. After all, as you only got the one 'gift', it'll make it even more special!"

[Babyplaymat]

Return and give them a twenty in a card. Or just return and say no more.

[SaveBandit]

Yeah we have given money before and usually ask friends what they'd rather have but the gift list was on their wedding website so we didn't ask them we just assumed that they wanted gifts. They have only just bought their house and he has apparently been complaining in work that they don't have a lot of stuff there so DH actually listened and bought something that he thought he would really like.

I do just think the thanks but no thanks we want the money instead is really rude!

[SomeKnobend]

Take it back and give him 20 quid, rude bastard.

[BigPinkBall]

Get him to return it, keep the £70 and give him £10 towards his holiday, the other £60 is “an admin charge”

[Queenoftheblitz]

I would agree to it but keep him waiting for the cash. Force him to chase you up for the cash and make excuses such as 'we're too busy to get to post office/courier etc".
Then give them the money after the honeymoon.
Cheeky fucker

[DiscontinuedModelHusband]

i'd be a bit put out by that as well OP!

on the other hand, we've been trying to teach our DD to be more honest about presents from her GPs (particularly clothes). often she'll accept things and say thank you, then never ever wear them.

after discussion with both lots of GPs, it's clear they'd much rather she was honest and said thank you, but it's not quite what she'd like, and they can change for something she would like/wear.

so while on the whole the groom does come across as a CF, surely that's better than him just keeping your gift and never using/regifting (ultimately wasting your £70)?

[IceSwan]

Return it and have a meal out with the £.

CF!

[ikeepaforkinmypurse]

How rude!

I have no problem with people asking for money at all, but changing your mind and returning the gift is not on.

I would accept the return, get a refund and gift them £20. I would use the £50 difference for a nice meal with my DH and feel quite grateful about the change of plans from the bride and groom.

[KerplunkChampion]

AMAZING. Definitely give them £20 in a card. They know how much you originally spent, right?

[TroubledLichen]

What a cheap, ungrateful, classless bastard! No I wouldn’t take the gift back, arrange a return, print the label, take it to a postage point then go to the cash point, meet up with him again and give him money.

If I were your DH I’d reply with something along the lines of:
Hi Groom, thank you for inviting us Saturday. Sorry to hear you don’t appreciate the gift, we are very surprised to hear that given it came from your gift list. We don’t have unlimited free time to devote to returning the present just because you’ve changed your mind and would like us to fund your holiday instead. If you’re that desperate for cash then stick it on eBay. See you when you’re back at work.

[Ingurr]

It's not as if you've given them a random item if it was on an Amazon gift list and not a cheap gift either. How rude not to just accept the gift.
I'd be tempted to return the gift and forget to give them the money.

[MargaretCavendish]

I don't share the Mumsnet aversion to asking for cash wedding gifts (and did it) but this is jaw-droppingly rude. I would be very tempted to take the gift back off him, return it but never give them any money. If you can't bring yourself to do that (I'm not sure I could) at the very least tell him he can return it himself - there's no way you should have the inconvenience of that. The third option is to ignore this email forever more, and hope he never mentions it again.

[ikeepaforkinmypurse]

we've been trying to teach our DD to be more honest about presents from her GPs (particularly clothes)



I cannot believe some people. Just ask for cash or vouchers if you are like that!

[SaveBandit]

Haha giving them less money would be hilarious but I think they'd ask for the rest of it!

DH did comment on the "We weren't expecting gifts" but thought he was just being polite.

[missbonita]

I'd return it and give them £20 cash