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AIBU?

to be upset by my son’s godparent?

19 replies

Twofigsnotgiven · 27/04/2018 06:41

My son’s godmother has been a good friend of ours for a long time. She was initially friends with dh, but I got to know her well too over the years. A while ago she went travelling and set up a blog. Dh told me she had told him not to share the link with anyone, including me. Now I’ve discovered she’s limiting FB posts so I can’t see them. I know FB isn’t real life, but I’ve known this woman long enough to know that she has, in the past, Done this to people she’s taken against.
I don’t think there’s anything untoward going on - she is utterly in love with her husband. But I’m at a loss to understand why she would be this small minded. I feel very hurt. I thought we were good friends. We exchange presents at Christmas, get together every now and then for a catch up. But to tell dh I can’t see her travel blog and now this. I’m beyond hurt. Does she even realise how hurtful this is, I wonder.
Spoken to dh, who just shrugged, but do I say anything to her?

OP posts:

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iamkahleesi · 27/04/2018 06:48

I would have expected dh to challenge having to keep a blog secret and refuse to follow it if you weren't allowed to see it. That's petty and divisive of her.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 27/04/2018 06:48

I think I’d cool off towards her. Maybe she realises her blog is tedious and self obsessed?

MyotherUsernameisaPun · 27/04/2018 06:51

If things are still good and normal in real life I would be wary of reading too much into this. A blog is a personal thing and it can be scary to share with the people you know (much harder than with strangers). And Facebook isn't the real world.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 27/04/2018 06:56

Weird. I'd be trying to find out why she's done this personally, out of curiosity if nothing else.

Is there a back story?

mastershelp · 27/04/2018 07:09

Do you have form for envy OP? Or have you implied that she is not doing enough for your son? I would be wondering why she feels the need to hide it from you, but regardless I think this is a DH issue (that he agreed to keep it from you) rather than her.

snowsun · 27/04/2018 07:10

That's horrid. I'd say she is doing this deliberately. Fb etc isn't real life but it is a tool that can be used to hurt people. Telling your husband not to show you her blog is weird , bitchy and decisive.
If I had a conversation with your H about my holiday and then said to him to keep it a secret from you , you'd think I was nasty or being very odd. There's no difference.
I'd say this is playing with people's heads. She's not a friend and I'd delete her and ask your H to do the same.
Ask your H how he'd feel if one of his mates shared photos with you then told you not to show or tell your Him. He probably wouldn't be best pleased.

Joanna57 · 27/04/2018 07:14

I agree with the comment 'FB is not the real world' - the more people realise that FB is all in the imagination, the better.

It is the same with MN - that is not the real world either. Just strangers and made up ID's, offering their little opinions and having rants and 1st world issues.

Tis ALL fakery,

MaisyPops · 27/04/2018 07:15

The blog I get. It's not generally aimed at people younare friends with. One of my best friends ran a blog and only 2 of us knew about it. I'm all for couples not telling a friend's secrets to each other, but for her to make a blog, tell your DH and then tell him not to tell you seems off to me.

The Facebook thing is divisive. It's not real life but playing around with settings like that is to create drama. An acquaintance of mine used to do that, stick people on and off restricted on a whim and then would bitch that she felt people didn't like her. Really people were simply wary of a potential drama llama.

Sarahjconnor · 27/04/2018 07:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

wishingiwaslucky47 · 27/04/2018 07:18

Have you ever said anything about anything else she has done in the past? Have you ever slagged of someone else’s blog or anything they put on fb? Reason I ask is because this is maybe why she has done this and didn’t want you to know. I have family like this and I limit post I put in fb etc.

pictish · 27/04/2018 07:20

Um...it’s a bit weird, yes. What does your husband think is going on...or is he just shrugging and giving you the ‘dunno’?

Personally I have little time for friendship politics these days so I’d just ask her. “Is there a reason why you have restricted me on your facebook page and don’t want me to read your travel blog?”

I certainly don’t have the time to spare to chase friendships with people whose hearts aren’t in it, so I’d clear the air then move on.

Dontforgetyourtowel · 27/04/2018 07:21

I normally only put people on restricted if they have been overinvolved in my life or if they have been a bit nasty in their comments. One person commented on everything I posted, and tried adding all my friends. It freaked me out. Like an above poster asked, is it possible that she just wants to create a bit of distance between you both, for whatever reason? Do you expect too much from her?

It could be something else altogether, just offering my perspective.

sonjadog · 27/04/2018 07:23

Why do you think she has done this?

Missingstreetlife · 27/04/2018 07:23

I don't think dh should agree to this, it's not like a private diary, what does she not want you to see?

Twofigsnotgiven · 27/04/2018 07:27

I can’t think of anything I’ve done. As a rule, I don’t follow blogs (except dipping in and out of Esther Coren’s). I’m fairly active on FB but only post now and again - mostly family stuff. I’ve always made positive comments on her posts that I can remember (can’t imagine saying anything mean when I wouldn’t in real life).
The only thing I can think of is that she’s had some sadness in her and maybe it’s reflective of her, not me. I’ve always tried to say the right thing and offer comfort.
Maybe I should reach out to her and ask if there’s anything I’ve done to upset her, or that she’s uncomfortable with?
Re the blog, DH did give me the link, but I didn’t look at it because I felt that would be going behind her back and I didn’t want to upset her. (Not that she’d know, but, you know!)

OP posts:

Twofigsnotgiven · 27/04/2018 07:28

sadness in her life

OP posts:

TERFragetteCity · 27/04/2018 07:51

I'd let her have her distance and see if she approaches you later. If not, you have your answer. If she does, ask her then.

mavismcruet · 27/04/2018 11:56

Are you very well read/highly educated? I’ve a friend who is and she is very rude vocal about other people’s grammar and writing. I’ve a personal blog and I cringe when she says she has read it. I’d hope she wasn’t being judgemental but my fear is she is. Could it be something similar?

Whereismumhiding2 · 27/04/2018 12:10

OP, I wouldn't get worried about this. ( But then I avoid other peoples' dramas incase it's catching!! )
So for whatever reason she's done this, you could choose to let it slide as it'll come out in the end if important, ... or if not, it'll blow over. If she's like that sometimes to others then maybe it's your turn, or maybe she's being selectively private for another reason. Whatever it is, do you have the energy for it ? Or want to "potentially take a hit" by poking at it?

I wouldn't want my DH to feel like he's in the middle, it's his friend, even if I thought we had also been good friends. You've got other friends you spend time with, let them instead take your time and focus....
Ps. But she wouldn't get a nice Xmas pressie from me /our family next year if I was kept 'on friend restriction' cos I sort out the presents!!

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