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Angry parter

(86 Posts)
akate18 Thu 26-Apr-18 23:11:48

Hello, new to this place. Hope I am posting in the right place.

My partner works 11 days on 3 days off, he always works away but travels home regularly during those 11 days. Can be very long hours. I am currently on maternity,

Every night he is home he comes home to a clean house, food in the table waiting and a happy, clean fed baby.

Every night he leaves a trail of mess behind him. I also have the baby 24/7, I have her the nights he has work the next day plus the time he has off and he needs to catch up on his sleep. Tonight I am absolutely exhausted, I have a long day ahead of my also tomorrow so asked my partner if he could clean the baby's bottles for me, he declined, I asked if he could just tidy up the kitchen, he declined again.

He then hears me slamming and banging about in the kitchen, comes out and asks me ' what's the matter' I replied with the, foods always waiting, always clean and you can't help me blah blah blah. He responds with look it took you two seconds, and other rather sarcastic comments. I then called him out by calling him sarcastic to which he responds just do it you f*king lazy b***tch. Now this isn't the first time he has been verbally aggressive and probably won't be the last.

But Aibu by asking him to help me with a small bit of cleaning?

SnowWhitesRestingBitchFace Thu 26-Apr-18 23:13:40

The fact you need to ask is really worrying. He has been completely out of order and distressful towards you. Is he abusive in other ways? Financially etc?

LovingLola Thu 26-Apr-18 23:14:23

No. You are not. And you know you are not.
You are being unreasonable in thinking he will change.
I guess you need to decide how much you are willing to put up with.
When your baby is older do you want her to hear her father referring to her mother as a fucking lazy bitch? Or worse.

DoJo Thu 26-Apr-18 23:15:37

He sounds like a lazy git and he can't have it both ways- either it only takes 2 seconds in which case why can't he do it? Or it's a bit if a faff but a job that needs doing in which case why should it always fall to you?

ShesAYamEater Thu 26-Apr-18 23:16:43

id be making tracks. this wont get better.

i would stop making sure his food is ready and leave him to it. hes an adult. he wont help you so i would stop helping him. he sounds like a disrespectful arse with no concept of what you do.

DoJo Thu 26-Apr-18 23:17:14

Posted too soon.
The way he spoke to you was utterly unacceptable and if he has done it before, then my guess is that it's only going to get worse. You deserve better.

akate18 Thu 26-Apr-18 23:24:36

He does make me well aware that he is the main bread earner and that we wouldn't have anything if it wasn't for him.

I did say I won't be making his tea or lunch for work the next day anymore and he said it was fine. However, I don't think he thinks I'm being serious. So he will get a little shock tomorrow evening.

My house is always clean, it's one of the main bones of contention between us so I always make sure it's been cleaned when he's coming home.

I just don't think he understands how difficult it can be with a baby on occasions. Especially as she is sleeping less during the day now meaning I have to cram everything in during her small cat naps.

I've ended up sleeping on the settee now as sleeping next to him would make me feel quite nauseous at the moment,

RunRabbitRunRabbit Thu 26-Apr-18 23:27:43

Are you married?

Buckingfrolicks Thu 26-Apr-18 23:30:41

good heavens woman, he's an arse.
you sleep on the sofa?! he doesn't think you have a 'real job', clearly. He's totally out of order. Not just a lazy git, but a rude and offensive one too. You'll be telling us he's a great dad next...

Idontdowindows Thu 26-Apr-18 23:31:24

No, you are being unreasonable for staying with a man who won't pull his weight around the house and who calls you names and you're too scared of his reaction to not have the house spotless when he comes home.

Grumpyoldblonde Thu 26-Apr-18 23:35:51

He's a cunt, Bin him off

OwlinaTree Thu 26-Apr-18 23:36:32

He called you a lazy bitch? Wow. I think you need to re think this relationship. Can you get a job?

ShesAYamEater Thu 26-Apr-18 23:37:43

is there anywhere you and your daughter can go for now? to get out and get some space? sleeping on the sofa isnt really a long term option.

akate18 Thu 26-Apr-18 23:39:23

No we are not married.

He's an ok dad, likes to show off how much he loves his daughter but when it comes down to the needs of the baby i pick it all up,

I never used to be like that, anxious about cleaning but doing it just seemed to avoid so many arguments that maybe I have made a rod for my own back,

Normally I wouldn't ask but I am so so tired. I don't have anyone to talk to about it either as I am too embarrassed to talk to friends and family. Which is even embarrassing to admit as I obviously know its not a good situation.

akate18 Thu 26-Apr-18 23:41:54

I have a job, I'm a student nurse but currently on maternity so I have my basic bursary. I'm not totally reliant upon him for money.

I have my parents who will always welcome me home but I'd like to stay here. Just easier to keep to the routine for the baby. Also I'm slightly too embarrassed to go home to my parents, especially this late.

akate18 Thu 26-Apr-18 23:42:31

Grumpy old blonde thank you very much for making me smile. I needed that.

Lilymossflower Thu 26-Apr-18 23:45:36

sad he sounds horrible.

PickAChew Thu 26-Apr-18 23:46:09

He's a dickhead.

arethereanyleftatall Thu 26-Apr-18 23:47:25

Please don't ruin your one life by staying with an arsehole just because of your pride.

Grasslands Thu 26-Apr-18 23:47:33

the baby will not notice the change of furniture because the routine (wake up time, eating times, bath and bed times really won't change).
go home. he's not supportive and the abuse could easily escalate.

Idontdowindows Thu 26-Apr-18 23:48:45

Please talk to someone. If you're embarrassed, talk to a women's support centre. Your parents will take you back and they'd rather do that than know that you're suffering and in an abusive relationship.

gigglesnpoos Thu 26-Apr-18 23:52:17

It's unfortunate you're not married but he is a cunt and you need to leave ASAP. That is abuse. Call women's aid and get the fuck away from him.

akate18 Thu 26-Apr-18 23:53:54

I don't think it's necessarily abusive, or maybe I'm just blind to it.

I do understand that I am no angel, I suffer from depression and he can find it quite hard to deal with.

That's all I wanted was the baby's bottles cleaned.

akate18 Thu 26-Apr-18 23:56:30

I think his past relationships have included saying things just to hurt and upset each other.

Now I don't partake in that, I stand by everything I say but he will apologise not long after and brush it under the carpet.

arethereanyleftatall Thu 26-Apr-18 23:56:44

Op - my dh would never ever ever call me a fucking lazy bitch, or anything like that, ever. Please don't think that's normal or that you deserve it.

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