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AIBU?

Aibu to want to take dd out of school?

37 replies

pamplemousse · 26/04/2018 22:38

She’s in Year 6 she’s stressed because of sats, everyone is.
She’s so sad all the time, her friends are being challenging/down right bitchy. She is a tad sensitive to things said to her and she has no buffer for idle comments. By that I mean she’s an only child and doesn’t have that low level mild arguing/mickey taking/insulting stuff that is harmless and can be disregarded, she takes every comment badly.
Having worked in a school myself I do know how hard it is when a child is constantly wanting to tell you the whole he said she said account of things but she feels really dismissed by them and let down.
She plays with a boy and they tease her, a couple of girls stare at her to annoy her and makes her feel uncomfortable, one of them used to be a close friend, they laughed at her when she fell over the other day, I know all these things seem minor but they are adding up in her head and she is in tears saying she hates school and doesn’t want to go, she’s in a foul mood every morning when I wake her because she hates it.
I just wondered if anyone had had a similar situation and how you deal with it? I have spoken to her teacher and the head about past friendship issues but hey really do very little.

OP posts:

Report

Boredofthisnow86 · 26/04/2018 22:41

Home ed or something outside of school to help build her confidence and maybe make a few good close friends.

I had siblings but my older sister loathed me until she was about 22 and I was 20. School was a welcome break but I also loathed that too. I would have been overjoyed at home ed and would have thrived 1000x more than at school.

KeepServingTheDrinks · 26/04/2018 22:42

Do you mean take her out for a few days? Or a week? Or the rest of the term? Or permanently?

Won't she be going to secondary school in a few weeks?

AornisHades · 26/04/2018 22:49

Dd is in Y6 and it appears her whole year has gone a bit mad all of a sudden. I think it must be the SATS plus it being the last term of primary school.
Dd's friend is being picked on a bit and is miserable. There's mickey taking and name calling and the boys are doing strangling to each other
I'm hoping it calms down after SATs.

pamplemousse · 26/04/2018 22:50

I’d love to home ed her but I’m a single parent and it’s a luxury I can’t afford.
She will be going to secondary yes, but she has the entire summer term, I’m not sure either of us can take much more sadness and negativity.

OP posts:

pamplemousse · 26/04/2018 22:52

That’s interesting aornishades maybe it’s just part of the stress of year 6 and sats. Just seems a bit much at 11.

OP posts:

MaisyPops · 26/04/2018 22:53

That sounds like a tough situation. In my opinion school should really be doing more if possible to help her.

I get why you'd perhaos want to take DC out of school. Could you home ed for a term and retain your secondary place? (I have no idea if or how that affects admissions by the way)

TheIsland · 26/04/2018 22:54

Sounds common for year 6. Can you focus on helping her to be more resilience?

Adventuritis · 26/04/2018 22:55

My daughter was like this in year 4. She woke on the first day of year 5 from a horrible nightmare about School, so I just decided enough was enough. We had a year of home ed, with some tutoring in English to rebuild her confidence. It was the most amazing “gap year” . We had so many amazing experiences and she went back into year 6 a new child! It was probably the best thing I’ve ever done as a parent.

Euphrasia · 26/04/2018 22:56

I was exactly like this and it followed me around from primary school to sec school and later even to a few jobs when I moved away. In my case it was all in my head. I got over it when I made some real friends in school and could concentrate on actually having fun with them instead of living in my head. I was definitely overthinking things and making myself more self conscious and withdrawn and that just made things worse. I'm not sure what advice to give. I'm sorry. Maybe see if she can join a club or something in school. That way she can make friends in a small group with common interests and then she'll have someone in the general school population, so to speak.

Euphrasia · 26/04/2018 22:58

Im not suggesting your daughter is making it up or anything like that. Just reading over my post I sound a bit harsh.

AornisHades · 26/04/2018 22:59

It is a bit much pample. Dd is normally a bit of a bully magnet as she has ASD but bizarrely she seems OK. I'm not sure what I should do about her friend though. Lesbian seems to be a choice insult at the moment

Adventuritis · 26/04/2018 22:59

Just take her out for the rest of term if you can. Home ed doesn’t have to be expensive.

pamplemousse · 26/04/2018 23:03

Thelsland- any suggestions how please?
Euphrasia I do feel this is her issue, it is totally in her head, when we drive along she’s convinced people are giving her funny looks, they are merely watching the car go by. The trouble is it’s a tiny village school so the choice of friends is about 6 people!
I am being selfish as well as I hate being the bad guy, I am making her go somewhere she really does hate.

OP posts:

Euphrasia · 26/04/2018 23:06

Her self confidence needs a bit of help but I've no idea how to achieve this. I really feel for her.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 26/04/2018 23:06

Just take her out for the rest of term if you can. Home ed doesn’t have to be expensive.

Isn’t giving up work to care for/educate children rather expensive?

pamplemousse · 26/04/2018 23:07

I’m not saying home ed is expensive, I just need to work and do so in school hours...

OP posts:

caringcarer · 26/04/2018 23:19

As an only child you say she has no one to mickey take or tease her but if you take her out of school she may become even more isolated. The longer she is out the harder it will be to go back. Can you tutor her in all subjects to a high enough level? I am a teacher but still would not be proficient enough in all subjects up to A level. I would leave her at school and get her a tutor to boost her confidence.

Way2stresed · 26/04/2018 23:29

I'm in a similar situation but DD is in year 3! Very small school only 8 girls in her year and she seems to be the only one who gets teased/left out! I agree with OP though about how much is true "bullying" and what's her perception of events being OTT! My DD is also an only child who takes every comment very personal which I don't think helps! Not sure we can stick 3 more years so are considering moving schools!
This would prob too much in year 6 so close to SATS though so good luck and hope you can both stick it out!
It's so hard seeing your child upset and not having the answers!

Titsywoo · 26/04/2018 23:46

The sats will be over in 3 weeks then everything should calm down. I don't think it's long enough to start making big changes like pulling her out of school tbh.

ditesmoitout · 27/04/2018 00:14

@aornisHades

If lesbian is the insult of choice and if it’s age appropriate this is quite a good video!

m.youtube.com/watch?v=cTQNwMxqM3E

gillybeanz · 27/04/2018 00:21

I don't understand how taking her out of school wouldn't be H.edding
do you mean to go to another school until secondary?

I think if you take them out and you are still on register you'll see school welfare and probably be fined for non attendance.

You can deregister and H.ed from tomorrow if you like, but you need to deregister from school and the system to avoid fines.

StrongerThanIThought76 · 27/04/2018 06:39

You need to find a way to teach her to be more resilient. If you take her out now she's going to be back with the same bunch of kids in September in secondary school and without some support now she'll sttuggle even more.

Speak to school. Today.

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TheIsland · 27/04/2018 07:11

Here you go
www.heysigmund.com/building-resilience-children/
bouncebackparenting.com/25-ideas-for-teaching-your-kids-resilience/
optionb.org/build-resilience/advice/the-7-cs-of-resilience-in-kids

There are hundreds of books but I would recommend reading yourself anything by Brene Brown and Kenneth Ginsburg. These will help you identify times when you are being resilient and you can share that with her.

Remember it takes time to change a mindset through!

ittakes2 · 27/04/2018 07:17

When my son was being bullied at school - the best thing I did was make friends for him outside of school which helped him not think about this school friends as his whole world. It made him more resilient to his school friends and now the bullying has stopped. Have you read any bullying websites for some tips to help her get her confidence back?

Nothisispatrick · 27/04/2018 07:22

SATs are in a few weeks, then the last period of summer should be much more relaxed

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