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Not to feel happy for Ruth Davidson?

(53 Posts)
highinthesky Thu 26-Apr-18 21:54:26

I have no love for Conservative politics but I have long thought that Ruth Davidson is a force for good.

I am also overjoyed when I hear that friends are expecting babies. I'm always pleased for acquaintances or even public figures that I've never met when details of a new baby are revealed. Having a child is a magical, wonderful part of life.

My natural reaction to the announcement of Ruth Davidson's pregnancy is not happiness, but surprise and then envy. She's such a capable and warm person, my logical brain knows she would be a good parent. So why was my response so dissonant?

This is so unlike me. What is wrong with me?

EastMidsMummy Thu 26-Apr-18 21:55:15

It’s called homophobia.

ImNotMeImSomeoneElse Thu 26-Apr-18 21:56:10

Is there an element of jealousy, that she is both successful in her career and going to be a mum?

Sometimes envy is a good indicator of what we feel we should have in our own lives.

highinthesky Thu 26-Apr-18 22:05:53

I'm not homophobic. But I don't understand why this pregnancy has triggered envy rather than delight.

Career...no. I couldn't give a stuff about it since DD came along.

NapQueen Thu 26-Apr-18 22:08:48

Do you want dc2?

Butterymuffin Thu 26-Apr-18 22:10:36

If it's envy you feel, it must come from something about you, rather than her, OP.

I hadn't actually heard the news. How nice. Look forward to hearing her thoughts on parenting later on.

LittleCandle Thu 26-Apr-18 22:12:12

Because she's a cow of the first water? I have no thoughts on her pregnancy one way or the other, but can't stand the woman (in case you hadn't guessed that already!) grin

highinthesky Thu 26-Apr-18 22:12:21

Well I haven't actively been trying but I'm getting on a bit now (44), So perhaps this is the problem. DD was a long time coming but I have to accept she's no longer a baby.

The first thing I did was to google RD for her age, she's 5 years younger than me so why do I feel it's unfair?

bonbonlavie Thu 26-Apr-18 22:13:04

Perhaps it’s because you don’t know her.

I am Scottish and I like Ruth Davidson (wouldn’t say I’m a Tory per se) but beyond hoping that she has a successful and healthy pregnancy I can’t get over excited.

I feel the same about the Duchess of Cambridge and other public figures. I have a “oh that’s nice” reaction then move on. I kind of think that’s normal? Why would I be that bothered about someone I don’t know?! It’s not envy...I have a child and I’m also pregnant again (with what is my second and LAST! grin)

Perhaps you envy her because you wish to have another child? Or do you wish to have a successful career and a baby? Don’t be too hard on yourself. Emotions are weird things and not always worthy of an explanation

MyotherUsernameisaPun Thu 26-Apr-18 22:13:14

That is a bit strange.

Even if you aren't homophobic (and I'm sure you aren't!) it might be a subconscious impulse based on how you've been socialised - we don't see many examples of older mothers, lesbian mothers or working politician mothers, which might be why your gut reaction is unusual.

Don't feel bad. I always say that when a horrible judgemental voice says something nasty in your head and then a second voice asks 'wtf why do I think that?' the first voice is the way you've been socialised and the second voice is who you're choosing to be - which is much more important!

highinthesky Thu 26-Apr-18 22:13:38

I have no doubt it is me. I think RD is very fair-minded, despite her political colours.

Exhaustedly Thu 26-Apr-18 22:17:15

mother 'I always say that when a horrible judgemental voice says something nasty in your head and then a second voice asks 'wtf why do I think that?' the first voice is the way you've been socialised and the second voice is who you're choosing to be - which is much more important!' - that's a really good way of looking at things.

LokiBear Thu 26-Apr-18 22:18:05

Your reaction is weird because the woman is a stranger to you. Do you want to be pregnant again? I've only ever felt 'oh that's nice for them' type feelings when acquaintances announce a pregnancy (As oppose to family who I get ridiculously excited for). One acquaintance recently announced her pregnancy and I was a bit, I dunno, perturbed I suppose. But, that was because she's spent the last 10 years or so bleating on about how much she hates seeing pictures of children on fb, how she hates other people who question her choice not to have her children and how her dogs are her children and other people need to recognise that. Now she has chosen to get pregnant, and has admitted she changed her mind about becoming a mother and I just feel a bit irritated. She made sarcastic comments about my decision to have children. Was a bit of a judgemental bitch really. Now she's pregnant and wanting to revel in it and I just want to remind her she was mean when I was pregnant. I won't though, in fact I haven't. I've just said congratulations and moved on. Mostly.

MrSlant Thu 26-Apr-18 22:24:52

I had a bit of a 'damn' moment about this too which lead my normal softie be happy for everyone leftie examining my conscience. I came to the conclusion that for one she is very successful and younger than me, fertile and happily in a partnership which gave me a touch of the green eyed monster and also I actually like her a lot as a politician and felt a bit jealous of the baby in case it takes her away from doing what I want her to in politics! As my dear old grandad used to say 'nowt more queer than folks'. With the disclaimer that queer had different connotations then!

I've had a word with myself and now I am really happy for the couple and their baby. but how weird is it when politicians start being younger than you

welshmist Thu 26-Apr-18 22:26:26

When someone else gets pregnant and you have to accept you will never have another child, it is bittersweet. A form of mourning perhaps.

dementedma Thu 26-Apr-18 22:27:45

I hadn't heard this news. So we have a female,lesbian, pregnant leader of the opposition in Scotland.Shortly after the first statue of a female suffragette erected in Trafalgar Square. How times have changed - and how welcome it is.

MrSlant Thu 26-Apr-18 22:32:13

Indeed dementedma!

Prestonsflowers Thu 26-Apr-18 22:33:54

LokiBear
Have you ever considered that your acquaintance has had trouble conceiving? And that may be why she was so loudly against children?
I’m really pleased for Ruth Davidson, it’s great news for her and her wife

stopfuckingshoutingatme Thu 26-Apr-18 22:34:10

I am always pleased when people have a baby ‘against the odds’
I also think it’s very cool To have this happen so publically - feel progressive and new and a step forward

Yarboosucks Thu 26-Apr-18 22:35:02

After reading your post, I can understand and relate to the the underlying sentiment…. But I think the heading is unfortunate.

BMW6 Thu 26-Apr-18 22:36:01

I can only say Congratulations Ruth!

Yarboosucks Thu 26-Apr-18 22:36:16

I think it is fab news for her and her joy is beautiful to behold. I would not resent anyone that, especially not her.

smithsinarazz Thu 26-Apr-18 22:36:20

Ah lovey! Sounds to me like you've been taking an interest in RD as a person, and then she goes and gets pregnant, and you're not, and therefore you're jealous. That's completely natural. Not laudable, perhaps, just the way it is.
I like what Myotherusername said. We all have fairly animal reactions to things, and if you are able to identify the unhelpful ones and try to work against them, that's a good thing.
I ended up thinking, "But Ruth! You seem clued-up, sensible, warm, genuinely suitable to be a mum - how the hell can you be a Tory?" But that's just me.

Boredofthisnow86 Thu 26-Apr-18 22:37:18

I just wonder if she wasn't a lesbian would it even be news? If not, why is it just because she is?

Fontella Thu 26-Apr-18 22:40:54

I already quite 'liked' Ruth Davidson because to me she came across as gutsy, principled (even if I don't necessarily agree with all her principles) and someone who is a more than capable sparring partner for Nicola Sturgeon who I cannot abide.

One of my great joys is watching the Scottish Parliament debates when the opposition parties (Ruth included) give Nicola hell! They don't mess about up there in Scotland let me tell you - they tear into each other - and Ruth more than holds her own, in fact she usually gets the better of her opponent.

However, seeing her on Bake Off made me realise that aside from her feistiness and eloquence, she comes across as a genuinely warm person, I can imagine her being very maternal and making a great mum.

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