Last night DH said that he was tired of being seen as a 'secondary' parent, that I wasn't the 'primary' parent and that he thought i should get a job.
DH works until 7pm and naturally things fall on me to be the primary carer for our children, one of whom has special needs. For the past 5 years i 'work' from 6:30am until 8:30pm at night, looking after the children, and taking care of everything in the house and all admin, etc. Basically, i keep the household running and DH doesn't lift a finger during the week, which works for us because I appreciate that he is at work all day.
His comments out of the blue have really upset me for a number of reasons:
- I have no problem with finding a job - I worked for 18 months when the children were babies and used to do all i do now plus when they were in bed i used to work from 9pm-12am every night.
- We do not 'need' the money. So why would i take time away from the children who are still young (and have special needs) and need me so much? Is it so I'm no longer classed as the primary parent?
- Money wise - I do not spend ANYTHING on myself. I do not buy new clothes, no treats, nothing. This isn't an exaggeration, I only have treats on my birthday and Christmas. Meanwhile DH has an expensive hobby and will think nothing of spending £50 on meals, drinks out with friends (which again, is fine as he works hard, but it's just to compare).
To conclude, I do everything around the house, 90% of childcare and things for the children, I don't spend anything. So why has DH suddenly turned on me and made me feel like a piece of dirt for living the way that we do? :(