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Am I supppsed to beg for forgiveness for something I did in my FUCKING SLEEP

(86 Posts)
IHeartMaryLennox Wed 25-Apr-18 22:57:17

I would like to know.

DP woke up in a foul mood with me this morning. As normal getting out of the house and on the early train to work on time takes a fair bit of mental gumption, I didn't bother asking why. Then I got to work and I was busy.

He responded to a fairly jolly text from me at lunchtime ('I need Nando's soon, I got a proper craving for it just now. Saturday? Everything alright, you've been quiet')

With: 'WELL I'm over it now but I wanted to kill you last night. Seriously. I was NOT happy this morning'

I was a bit confused

I'm not in the sort of job where I can bat back and forward in text, so I left it. But I was wracking my brains and felt a bit shit.

It has transpired, since I got in from the hellish commute at 9:30pm, that in the night I unwittingly caused DP to have no bed space by cuddling up to him in my sleep. Apparently he asked me to move and I responded 'but I love being close to you'

This isn't even true, I don't much like being close to anybody grin

I have no recollection of this event.

DP only got four hours of sleep and therefore had to cancel his five-aside-game hmm

I said I was asleep and didn't know what I was doing and he shouldn't have sent such an aggressive message. He says I'm emotionally manipulating him into being the wronged party.

Do you apologise for things that you have no control over? In fact I might have done if he'd not been such a bloody arse about it.

He reckons KILL YOU is just a common turn of phrase and I'm ridiculous for taking offence.

NotAnotherNoughtiesTune Wed 25-Apr-18 22:59:13

He's an asshole.

I'd say tonight he can have plenty of room by not being in the same room as yours.

CloudCaptain Wed 25-Apr-18 23:00:29

I think you both need to cuddle and make up. wink

TemptressofWaikiki Wed 25-Apr-18 23:02:10

I'd pretend to be asleep and this night, I'd kick him out of the bed... grin

IfyouseeRitaMoreno Wed 25-Apr-18 23:02:36

Of course YANBU. I thought you were going to say you whacked him one in your sleep. Cuddling up is hardly the crime of the century.

NotUmbongoUnchained Wed 25-Apr-18 23:03:10

Most people I know use kill you as a turn of phrase.

I would apologise. Just cause it’s not something you can help, doesn’t mean it’s not shit that he got little sleep. I bit my husband once in my sleep, really hard. Not my fault, but I still apologised!

C0untDucku1a Wed 25-Apr-18 23:05:33

He sent you an angry message saying he wanted to kill you? And punished you for taking up too much space i bed?

Tell him not to be such a fucking baby.

CocoPuffsInGodMode Wed 25-Apr-18 23:06:32

I think you might both be overreacting tbh. Is his message aggressive confused? It depends on the tone you read into it surely? I mean unless you actually believe he has a real desire to KILL you I would take that as a grumble about getting very little sleep. A bit like saying to a snorer "Grrr! I was this close to putting a pillow over your face". While of course you didn't do it deliberately that doesn't change the fact that it's irritating and he's tired.

Saying that though "emotionally manipulating" seems a bit dramatic. It just all sounds a bit storm in a teacup really.

BlondeB83 Wed 25-Apr-18 23:06:47

He was probably just grumpy from lack of sleep. Overreaction of course and unreasonable but understandable in a way.

NoNoCharlieRascal Wed 25-Apr-18 23:07:51

It sucks when someone's sleep antics deprives you. There are many times I could have cheerfully slapped dh when his snoring was keeping me up, all bloody night, especially when in between feeding ds. But, as mad as I have ever gotten, I always understand it's not his fault and not on purpose..

Why didn't he just wake you and ask you to move over? He's a douche for being an arse about it, but he's also allowed to be annoyed at having his sleep disturbed.

IHeartMaryLennox Wed 25-Apr-18 23:09:06

Well no I didn't believe he wanted to literally murder me obviously but it was a shitty message to get out of context.

To be fair neither of us are getting enough sleep at the mo, it's having a really negative impact.

Bahhhhhumbug Wed 25-Apr-18 23:10:00

Well if l bump into someone accidentally or l wake DH up by going to the loo during the night or by snoring l would still apologise, so yes l don't think saying sorry is only reserved for things we do consciously that affect other people negatively.

adaline Wed 25-Apr-18 23:10:39

I would apologise if my actions (intentional or otherwise) caused someone to go without sleep.

DP is a snorer and it's so infuriating being kept awake by it. Yes, he can't help it but that's not much comfort at 3am when you can't sleep and know you have to be up for work in four hours!

DairyisClosed Wed 25-Apr-18 23:10:41

I do this literally every night. We can't have or bed up against x the wall because I end up pushing DH into the gap between the mates and the wall. He actually seems more charmed by it than anything.

Mildred007 Wed 25-Apr-18 23:11:49

Gosh I thought you were going to say that you called another man's name or said something inappropriate in your sleep haha. Hardly a crime, cuddling, but perhaps just apologise to keep the peace. Not your fault but can understand why he'd be grumpy if he got no sleep. I would've woken you up grin

KERALA1 Wed 25-Apr-18 23:12:44

I have to stop myself being upset with dh after having vivid dreams in which he does awful things. I try to hide it but he ends up asking "what have I done now". The worst thing he did was dump me and the kids and set up his own dating agency so he could meet lots of women. I was so mad at him for that.

MirriVan Wed 25-Apr-18 23:12:51

You can't much help what you do in your sleep.
You also can't help being annoyed and grouchy and tired when someone keeps you awake, either.
But overall, I'd say he's being a bit unreasonable.
You might be routinely keeping him awake though, and he's snapped. He needs to talk to you about it if that's the case though, so you can both work something out.

IHeartMaryLennox Wed 25-Apr-18 23:14:16

The bastard keeps me awake most of the time with his stupid leg spasms.

Cockmagic Wed 25-Apr-18 23:14:38

Op I'm a nightmare sleeper, I snore like a trooper and toss and turn all night. I also take up most of the bed and sleep at awkward angles.

But.. I'd kick do to the curb if he spoke to me like that. I can't help it I'm alseep....

I am working on it though 😂

MirriVan Wed 25-Apr-18 23:15:19

I had a partner who would sleep-cuddle then sleep-grope me every night.
It made me very miserable and so so tired.
If it's one-off though he needs to get over it.

StillMedusa Wed 25-Apr-18 23:15:27

I once spent a whole day snarling at my DH...because I dreamed he'd left me!
I KNEW I was being unreasonable but the dream was so real and I woke up so angry and upset I couldn't shake it off!

He kept apologising for my dream grin

TuTru Wed 25-Apr-18 23:15:36

Tell him to fuck off & get over himself!

MirriVan Wed 25-Apr-18 23:16:36

The bastard keeps me awake most of the time with his stupid leg spasms
Well then he can chuff-off with his moans then! (Does he know he does this and it keeps you awake?).

gamerchick Wed 25-Apr-18 23:16:51

Tell him it was his turn and mention the leg spasms.

This is one of the reasons I like my own bedroom.

Grumpyoldwoman007 Wed 25-Apr-18 23:17:45

I dreamt my partner had sex with my sister. He bought me flowers in RL to say sorry lol

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