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To think this mother wants me to pay for her dd’s party?

(179 Posts)
tinkertailorsoldierspyy Wed 25-Apr-18 19:35:38

Namechanged in case said mother sees this - don’t want it linked with my other posts.

I have a dd aged 6 in Year 1. At pick up on Monday a mum of a girl in her class came up to me and said she was wondering if I would like to have a joint birthday party for our DDs this year, as they both turn 7 in September.

I thought it was a reasonable idea in principle - our DDs aren’t particularly close friends but if it’s a class party I don’t think that really matters, they’d each have their own friends there. I told her I would be happy to discuss it.

Yesterday evening she texted me saying that she’d found a perfect venue (a roller skating rink) and that it would be about £200 each if we invite all the kids in their class.

Unfortunately, my dd hates roller skating - we tried taking her recently and she was absolutely petrified and wouldn’t let go of the side. I therefore texted back straight away saying that roller skating wasn’t going to work. She didn’t reply, and then this afternoon when I saw her at the school she asked why I had dismissed her idea without even considering it. When I explained again that dd cannot roller skate and is not going to want a roller skating party for her birthday, the mother suggested that I take her once a week until September so that she can learn how to skate. I didn’t want to have an argument with her just as the children were coming out so I just said I’d think about it and walked away.

AIBU to think that her dd wants a roller skating party and her mother just wants me to pay for half of it?

ImFreeToDoWhatIWant Wed 25-Apr-18 19:37:07

Yep? YANBU, swerve her!

FourFriedChickensDryWhiteToast Wed 25-Apr-18 19:37:38

oh just say you have thought about it and perhaps you are going to do something smaller and more personal.
You dont owe her anything.

Madonnasmum Wed 25-Apr-18 19:38:10

Yes! As £400 is way too much on her own. You've done the right thing!

C0untDucku1a Wed 25-Apr-18 19:38:17

Wtaf?! Roller skating party at 6?! Thats an accident waiting to happen.

Sory that doesnt work for us. How about..., or... or ...?

Then, ah well i guess they are just too different and we will just have to have separate parties.

DickensianHysteric Wed 25-Apr-18 19:38:33

Sounds like it! If she genuinely wanted a joint party, she would have said "Oh, OK" and suggested another venue. Or, you know, discussed several options with you in the first place.

Rattail Wed 25-Apr-18 19:38:57

Yanbu, she doesn't want to know or consider your and your daughters choice. Its obvious she had already planned it and want you to help pay

SilverySurfer Wed 25-Apr-18 19:39:59

Honestly, the nerve of some people. She is definitely a potential CF - tell her to jog on.

Happygummibear Wed 25-Apr-18 19:40:19

Hit the nail on the head. What a little CF ... tell her what kind of party you are happy to have, if it doesn't suit her then she can pay out £400 for a roller skating party that your dd won't be attending

witchofzog Wed 25-Apr-18 19:40:47

She is a cf. Why would you make your dd have a party doing something she hates? You are absolutely right regarding her intentions. She is just pissed off you scuppered her idea

DuchyDuke Wed 25-Apr-18 19:41:14

True. Just blank her.

Lacucuracha Wed 25-Apr-18 19:42:01

Sounds like the party would have been all about her DD.

Justmuddlingalong Wed 25-Apr-18 19:42:11

So she's picked the venue for a joint party. You've vetoed it and she doesn't get your problem? Tell her tomorrow the joint party's not going to work. Nip it in the bud now. She's trying to railroad you and it'll only get worse.

DextroDependant Wed 25-Apr-18 19:42:54

You hit the nail on the head with that one.

AnneLovesGilbert Wed 25-Apr-18 19:43:05


Part of me admires the sheer nerve of people.

You could ask if she’s willing to pay for these weekly lessons for your daughter to see just how much it’s the skating that matters to her.

But no. Obviously no to a joint party. You know if you went ahead with it she’ll be a bloody nightmare on every aspect.

Ginger1982 Wed 25-Apr-18 19:43:07

£400??? Jeezo! I would say that you have thought about it, spoken to your DD and she has said she doesn't want to roller skate. Perhaps have a few suggestions to toss to her and if she keeps harping on just say that you don't think a joint party would work after all.

RoundaboutSnail Wed 25-Apr-18 19:44:22

YANBU. You've had a lucky escape.

NeverTwerkNaked Wed 25-Apr-18 19:44:54

Yanbu! She’s a huge CF. Steer clear. It will like that throughout every step of the party planning <voice of experience>

Ohhdear Wed 25-Apr-18 19:46:18

I love how people announce they are name changing so they can’t be linked to their post and then go on to describe a very specific scenario that would out them immediately.

Katedotness1963 Wed 25-Apr-18 19:46:55

I had a joint party for my youngest and a little girl who was three days older than him. I thought it was a great idea, think of the money we'll save! Royally screwed!!

The other mother booked the venue. I ordered the cakes, bought balloons, napkins, paper plates, cups, candles, decorations, the goodie bags and contents. She buggered off and left my husband and I in charge of two classes of children, never paid towards anything I ordered/bought, paid half of the venue/pizza before she left so I didn't have the chance to deduct what I'd already spent. It cost a bloody fortune. Never again!!

GreenEyedGoose Wed 25-Apr-18 19:47:32

Previous posts ooh. Pretty obvious eh hmm

DowntonCrabby Wed 25-Apr-18 19:48:09

Goodness. Absolutely say no, she's cheeky and crazy. A joint party should mean everything is jointly chosen. The suggestion of taking your child to something she hates weekly until September is batshit!!!

Also September!! I'm only just getting round to helping plan a friend's 50th in September. I booked my DS 5th party about 5 weeks before the event.

HollowTalk Wed 25-Apr-18 19:49:27

I wouldn't do a joint party and at 6, I wouldn't have a whole-class party, either. By that age they have specific friends they want to invite, don't they?

longestlurkerever Wed 25-Apr-18 19:50:54

Well to be fair the whole point of a joint party is to split costs and organisation, surely? So I'm not sure why that's do outrageous, but obviously being unwilling to compromise and wanting you to take your dd to lessons she won't enjoy is just silly

tinkertailorsoldierspyy Wed 25-Apr-18 19:51:14


I don’t care If she sees this - I just don’t want to risk her finding out what my regular username is.

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