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Today I let my bully bully me for the last time

(171 Posts)

MNHQ have commented on this thread.

FuckoffTwatty Tue 24-Apr-18 22:47:47

She has done it for close to 2 years. Not often, because I avoid her. I dropped out of baby groups, and let myself be ostracised from the mums group that gathers after preschool.

Today was the last straw. After I came home, I was really stressed from it, and snapped at one of my children who was pestering me because I was preoccupied and stressed from being bullied again.

Later, I was googling internet articles on how to handle adult bullies, when I sighed with frustration and threw my head back only to bang my head badly on the corner of a cupboard.

I then cried for about an hour as I was so upset that this bully had the power to cause repercussions that hurt me and my family physically and emotionally after the fact.

My bully is a Mumsnetter. Is it you?

Do you snub people and act like you haven’t seen them when you both know you have? Are you extremely rude to them when they are only ever nice to you, but only do that when no-one else is around so that you are never rumbled for what you are? Do you give dirty looks then saunter close by in an effort to intimidate? Are you sarcastic for no other reason that that you take some sort of pleasure from it?

Today was your last go at me. I might be nice and seem non-confrontational, but I see you for what you are, you are a mean-spirited ugly bully, and I am no pushover. I have a more varied life experience and strength of character than you can imagine.

I write this here because I think you will see it. You may wonder if it refers to you or not. Maybe it will make you think twice about being nasty in future.

You could even ask me next time you see me if I am a Mumsnetter too. I wonder if you are brave enough to ask me in front of other people?

SleepFreeZone Tue 24-Apr-18 22:53:54

I doubt your bully even knows she’s doing it. For some people they are just naturally mean spirited. It will probably be as natural a behaviour to her as breathing in and out.

JustWanderingAbout Tue 24-Apr-18 22:55:01

Have you ever thought about confronting your bully directly in real life on her behaviour. Use the old ‘well that was rude!’ line or similar. If she’s as bad as you say she is I doubt she’ll have the self awareness to realise this post is about her so pointless doing it like this.

Wolfiefan Tue 24-Apr-18 22:56:23

It's not you.
It's them.
Don't give them head space.
Let them continue in their mean spirited and quite probably miserable way.
Be happy. Give not a shit. It's the best revenge!!

Cheekyandfreaky Tue 24-Apr-18 22:56:57

She sounds pathetic as are those condoning her behaviour. I know it’s hard but the best way to deal with this is grey rock and reframe her as someone you don’t like or want to know so that you won’t give a shit about her.

NameChangedForThisQ Tue 24-Apr-18 23:00:06

You sound really really lovely. Can you prepare some assertive responses for next time you see her?

Homemenu1 Tue 24-Apr-18 23:06:03

Stop being nice to her, ignore her, Flick her away in your head.

Make better friends
Don’t give her the time of day

FuckoffTwatty Tue 24-Apr-18 23:07:09

I’m certain she is self-aware. I’m also not the only one she does it to. There are a small number of others too.

I’m hoping posting it here may be useful, because it may avoid a requirement for direct confrontation. She might hope this post is not about her, and stop her behaviour. Avoiding direct confrontation would be preferable I think.

If there is no behaviour change, then yes, direct confrontation would be the only way now.

Wolfiefan Tue 24-Apr-18 23:09:05

Direct confrontation is unlikely to change her whole personality. Honestly? I would just stay away from her.
Dirty looks? Ignore.
Rude comments? Feel free to call her out but she is unlikely to suddenly change and if she's that nasty she may even take delight in your response.

JustWanderingAbout Tue 24-Apr-18 23:13:32

wolfie makes a good point. There must be some other people who don’t like her behaviour? Could you hang with them a bit more? You shouldn’t have to leave baby groups etc...that’s not fair at all

ErrolTheDragon Tue 24-Apr-18 23:14:56

* You could even ask me next time you see me if I am a Mumsnetter too. I wonder if you are brave enough to ask me in front of other people?*

Hope she does, you can reply 'yes, FuckOffTwatty'. Well, maybe even if she doesn't ask you should say that to her...

NameChangedForThisQ Tue 24-Apr-18 23:16:00

You don't have to change her whole personality though, just make it clear she cannot treat you like that. No further interaction needed.

Smeddum Tue 24-Apr-18 23:18:01

Hope she does, you can reply 'yes, FuckOffTwatty'. Well, maybe even if she doesn't ask you should say that to her..

Please please do this!

WinnieFosterTether Tue 24-Apr-18 23:21:45

Did you join MN just so you could call her out? That's a bit intrusive.
I'm glad you've recognised that you're giving her too much power over your moods, your life and your relationships. I'm not entirely convinced you've moved on when you're trying to catch her attention on here.
Think carefully about what you want from a confrontation. Bullies are rarely unaware so I doubt you'll receive an apology.

FuckoffTwatty Tue 24-Apr-18 23:22:18

Thank you all for your responses, they are all useful in different ways.

I just want to clarify that simply ignoring her continued bullying isn’t an option because it is impacting on my movements and activities with my children, and on my ability to form friendships with other mums in a relatively new area where we have no other support network.

Mummyoflittledragon Tue 24-Apr-18 23:22:53

My mother is regularly vile to me. If I repeat what she says and does, she flat out denies it. She says I make up what happened in my childhood. She is mainly horrible to me in private but does slip up in public sometimes.

I doubt this person will recognise themselves if they’re as horrible as you say. My mother is under the illusion she was a superb parent and I was an awful teenager. Neither is true.

Ohmydayslove Tue 24-Apr-18 23:23:34

you cried for an hour after banging your head? Ok!

Your bully is a mumsnetter who then? Name and Shame!

Funny is RL as being a mum for 27 years and a mumsnetter for 13 years I seriously can’t get my head round this. Tell us op who bullies you and you may need medical attention to cry for an hour. That’s seriously a lot of crying

Ohmydayslove Tue 24-Apr-18 23:26:22

Well if the op knows her bully is a mumsnetter then she must know her posting name?

So name

FuckoffTwatty Tue 24-Apr-18 23:26:42

Did you join MN just so you could call her out? That's a bit intrusive.

No, I have been a poster here for a number of years. Just NC’d that’s all. I don’t seek an apology, I just want better behaviour going forward.

curiouserand Tue 24-Apr-18 23:28:03

Either ignore her or tell her to get lost. Either way, don't let it bother you. She obviously has issues, which have nothing remotely to do with you, so no reason to take it personally or dwell.

Sabaisabai1234 Tue 24-Apr-18 23:30:20

Very dramatic, I like it. Well done OP, I hope it works out for you.

Ohmydayslove Tue 24-Apr-18 23:32:15

Well stop the drama then and call her out by name.

Otherwise maybe DM reporter take heed we are not all bitchy cows and find a real story.

Ohmydayslove Tue 24-Apr-18 23:32:41

Reporting

Ohmydayslove Tue 24-Apr-18 23:33:23

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Wolfiefan Tue 24-Apr-18 23:38:05

How does it impact on your movements and activities?
Ignore her.
Don't seek to be friends with her or people like her.
Don't let someone like this control your life. Develop your own resilience and sense of self worth.

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