To be angry at the nursery/the other child

[stripesandspots10]

Before I start I will just say I do not condone my DS behaviour and it wasn't right of him.

So my Ex rang me earlier after picking our D'S up from nursery. He had bit another child. This has been going on for a while now and always happened on a Tuesday. We both thought it was linked to teething and both trying to teach our D'S that biting is wrong and isn't kind. Nursery have also been reading him books about biting to teach him. I did think it was odd how it only happened on a Tuesday.

Anyway today my Ex tells me that nursery have said it's 1 child in particular he bites as this child snatches things from him on purpose and goes out of their way to provoke him. Now like I said my DS needs to learn with words to say no that's not nice, rather than biting. He can't yet say many words but hopefully he is now learning that. But I'm angry at the other child and partly nursery for making us think it was teething or that our child was being malicious for no reason.

Would you be a bit angry too that they didn't mention this Before?? I just hope that the other child's parents have also been told that their child needs to learn to share and not provoke others. As we have been told to try work with our child not to bite. Which I have. I've been upset thinking my DS was that one malicious child when in fact he was trying to tell the child no.

[amy85]

No point being angry at the other child he is only a child too and of course nursery will be working on sharing with him like they will be with all the children.

And not really sure why you are angry at nursery it sounds like they have been doing a fab job! Maybe today was the first time they witnessed what happened directly before your child bit the other so today was the first chance they could say he bit x because x snatched a toy.

It sounds like it's being dealt with really well so no need for the anger

[stripesandspots10]

Maybe I am being unreasonable. But when someone is being unkind to your child and provoking them it is just upsetting. I know they are toddlers but just upsetting

[Weimaragi]

The 'goes out of his way to provoke him' and 'malicious' comments suggest that you are reading into this a bit too much imo. At nursery age children dont have the brain development to be vindictive and are still figuring out the world! Sorry but YABU

[BadPolicy]

YABU. I'm sure every child in the group, including your DS, will snatch sometimes. Your DS needs to know biting is never ok.

[acquiescence]

Yabu. The other small child is not ‘deliberately provoking’ any more than your child is being deliberately malicious by biting. Both are problematic but normal toddler behaviours. The biting is more serious. Even if it is linked to teething it needs addressing. Snatching toys is not great but not such a big deal, they will all do that at some point. The Nursery sounds like it has handled it well.

[Woshambo]

Yes and no. It's unreasonable to be angry at the other child for intent.

It's not unreasonable to expect a proper explaination from the nursery. The reason behind ur son biting helps you try to prevent it from happening.

Like PP mentioned though, perhaps this reason has only come to the staffs' attention this last time.

[bumbleboots]

YABU the other child might have issues but it's your child that is actually biting. They are young children and learning.

[moontree]

Angry with the child? YABU. Angry with the nursery? YANBU.

[negomi90]

The other child hasn't absorbed rules about sharing and not snatching the same way your child hasn't absorbed the not biting thing.
Neither are provoking or being malicious, both need self control from age and consistency with rules.
Both need a lot of supervision.

[Wolfiefan]

Toddlers don't go out of their way to provoke each other.
You child and the other one both have lessons to learn. I wouldn't be angry.

[DurhamDurham]

You're upset because the other child is snatching toys, can you begin to imagine how upset you'd be if he came home every Tuesday with bite marks?

[PlanesOverMe]

Yabu- they are both learning about sharing. You really can't be annoyed at the other child when your son has been biting.
Ask nursery to try and keep them apart. Try and focus on your DS and how you can help him.

[MissTeri]

YABU my actions annoyed my partner at times, didn't ever warrant him putting his hands on me.

[stripesandspots10]

Ok I hold my hands up and say IBU about the child. I don't know which child is it but just feeling upset about the situation. Nursery knew what had happened in the other incidents but failed to mention it was the same child. It wasn't until my Ex questions why it kept happening on a Tuesday they finally said.

I don't want my DS to bite and as I've said yes it is wrong. In trying my hardest to be kind and not bite and share.

[stripesandspots10]

*to teach him to be kind

[OohMavis]

How old? Teething age, so a baby?

You're reading waaaay too much into this. They're babies. They bite and snatch, and headbutt the floor, rip books and scribble on shit.

They do this because they're babies and are learning about the world around them and developing like normal human babies.

[JustWanderingAbout]

YABU imagine if your child was coming home with bite marks regularly.

I would ask the nursery to keep them apart for a while. I can’t believe they let them
Play together knowing this is happening

[ginplease8383]

I agree with Mavis, they are babies. Niether of them know any better. In the nicest possible way, get a grip.
The other baby won’t be able to deliberately provoke him they won’t have the emotional intelligence. They need to make sure they do anything to prevent your DS biting others but that’s it. It will stop soon, it’s just a phase.

[stripesandspots10]

He is only 22 months so yes still young.

The Thing I think that's annoyed me is when I've said it could be teething and they have said yes maybe or I've said how can I help him. They have failed to tell me that he has done this because 1 child snatches from him. They know what happened because my Ex has to sign a form when he picks our D'S up.

Yes I think I'll ask for them to not play together. His key worker also said a few weeks back on a Wednesday oh he's been a different child today. So he obviously isn't happy at nursery on a Tuesday which makes me feel sad for him.

[catkind]

I get it. It's horrible thinking your child is doing something like that at all, but at least if you know what triggered it you can make sense of the incident.

We have had same thing at school. Teacher: I need to tell you that your child told a classmate that noone likes him and made him cry. WTF? Completely out of character, very worrying. Ask DC about it only to find out that said child had just called DC an idiot. Yes what mine said was nastier and they shouldn't have, but in terms of where they are at with behaviour, it makes sense when you know the full story.

[stripesandspots10]

That is it cat the whole picture weren't given and we were made to think our child was being just nasty for no reason.

[oblada]

Children do not develop empathy until 4-5yrs of age approx so before that they cannot really be kind or unkind.
YABU - snatching is normal toddler behaviour I'm sure nursery is on it and it doesn't mean your child HAS to bite as a response so it is not silly for nursery to suggest it could be teething related - it still could! Surely that kid snatches from the others too and doesn't get bitten by everyone. The impulse to bite could partly unhappiness at the snatching and partly teething.

[LOliver123]

YABU - i would not be happy that my child was being bitten every week by a almost 2 year old.

[Nodancingshoes]

The nursery had probably started a behaviour log to find the triggers for your child's biting and this is what they discovered. Don't know why you are angry with them??? They can't win really can they - the other parent is probably angry with them too about the biter!! Toddlers bite, they snatch, they push and they hit - the nursery seem like they are doing all they can at the moment to help

[Kintan]

If your child is too young to know that biting is wrong, how do you figure that the other child is old enough to learn to share and to not ‘provoke’ yours?