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I don’t want kids, everyone else wants me to have them

(153 Posts)

MNHQ have commented on this thread.

theunsureone Tue 24-Apr-18 16:10:54

Hi everyone, I’m 25 and currently single. I really don’t want kids, mainly it's because I have a super high gag reflex and lots of things make me sick, I can't even pick up after my friends dog without being sick on the grass so how can I change a nappy?

I've also had a few back problems and I’m worried that pregnancy is going to make it a lot worse.

Finally I don’t want to deal with the constant crying, lack of sleep and babies are so delicate I’m worried that something will go wrong.

Everyone including my mum says i will change my mind and I am being stupid over the whole gag reflex thing, they say it's different for your own child but I wouldn’t be able to wipe my mums or my sisters arse let alone change nappies all day. Mum really wants me to have kids even though my sisters have kids.

AIBU or selfish? Have any mother's have gag reflex problems? I know dads do but not mums :/

bootLegging Tue 24-Apr-18 16:14:01

Some people don't want children and that's obviously fine.

You sound like a very young 25 year old.

The gag reflex is a physical reaction to pressure on the roof of the mouth, the back of the tongue, the area surrounding your tonsils, the uvula, and the back of the throat.

Shoxfordian Tue 24-Apr-18 16:14:11

It's fine to not want to have kids, don't let anyone tell you otherwise

itallhappensforareason Tue 24-Apr-18 16:15:30

I wouldn't say I have a gag reflex problem but there have been many times when I've been doing something disgusting i.e. cleaning up dog sick that has made me gag. Sometimes I gag when brushing my teeth and in early pregnancy this made me sick. But I wouldn't say it was something that ever crossed my mind with regards to having children - you just suck it up and get on with it. I think that's the way with most things baby/child related to be honest, just get on with it and your life will adapt as necessary for the needs of your child.

If you don't want children then that is completely your choice and no one should judge you for it or try to make you change your mind. I do think the reasons you have stated though are a little weak (sorry).

Dragongirl10 Tue 24-Apr-18 16:16:49

erm, why are you having conversations aboyt children when you are only 25 and single?

The thought never even crossed my mind until l was in my 30s and married!

Tell your DM to stop mentioning it. Why are you not focussing on the rest of your life, career, having fun, travelling etc?

Fridasfridgefreezer Tue 24-Apr-18 16:20:43

Change the subject when it get mentioned. And don’t worry about it now.

PinkCalluna Tue 24-Apr-18 16:20:55

Have children or not, it’s entirely up to you and no one else’s business.

Changing your own children’s nappies is different though. Think of it this way, you don’t get ill dealing with your own bodily fluids so you? Dealing with your child’s is a bit like that, you just get on with it.

However that said, absolutely don’t have a child because you Mum wants one, it’s your life.

Treaclepie19 Tue 24-Apr-18 16:21:33

It doesn't matter what anyone else wants.
If you don't want children, don't have children. It's a lot to take on for someone else to be happy...

specialsubject Tue 24-Apr-18 16:22:32

your call. not everyone wants the years of relentless labour that kids entail.

ignore pressure to make her a grandma. not your problem.

redexpat Tue 24-Apr-18 16:23:24

You dont need to justify your choives to anybody. Not even uout mum. It is your body, your life and you decide what happens. If anyone asks say youre not interested and you dont wish to discuss it.

FizzyGreenWater Tue 24-Apr-18 16:23:37

Wtf? You're 25!

I had absolutely NO desire for a child until I was more than a decade older than you.

Do you also have agonised conversations with your mum where she tries to persuade you to get your name down for a good retirement home now?


AntipodeanOpalEye Tue 24-Apr-18 16:23:49

If you don't want children it's perfectly fine. No need to be listing obscure reasons as some sort of self-validation. Not everyone is Maternal/Paternal. It doesn't mean you hate children or are selfish for not providing your parents with Grandchildren, It just means that you are self-aware enough to acknowledge that being a Parent is not for you. This may or may change, but either way your decision should be respected.

Trinity66 Tue 24-Apr-18 16:23:55

The good news is nobody can force you to have kids grin why would you be selfish to not have kids though? I don't get that

Woshambo Tue 24-Apr-18 16:24:23

I have never wanted children and was told the same throughout my life. I don't like kids. Ppl would say "but u would love ur own". How do they know? Lol

I was always careful with contraception but obv not careful enough as I'm now 30 and pregnant. Now ppl are asking if I think I'm a bit old for my first lol

Ppl will always have an opinion of what they think u should do but remember it's ur life and life is short so only do what u feel is right for u.

You may change ur mind in the future and u may not. Just don't let anyone live ur life for u.

Smeddum Tue 24-Apr-18 16:25:16

I do have a very sensitive gag reflex, unbelievably so tbh. It’s a real issue.

I can’t change other people’s children's nappies, I can’t pick up after the dog without retching (although I obviously do pick up after her) and I can’t deal with bad smells.

I also have 3 children, so it’s not mutually exclusive.

However, it is your body, your choice and most of all, nobody’s else’s place to tell you what you should and shouldn’t do. If you don’t want children, that’s fine. If you do, that’s fine too. As long as it’s what you want.

HollowTalk Tue 24-Apr-18 16:25:19

Oh shall we all talk about poo now?

BubblesAndSquarks Tue 24-Apr-18 16:25:53

If you don't want kids that's fine, if you change your mind that's also fine.

I don't mind changing my children's nappies (they start out not gross as newborns IMO, then gradually get worse so you get time to get used to it). Don't like changing other people's children's but can do it.

Your back probably would suffer.

If you don't change your mind definitely don't have them for anyone else, they've had their own choice to have or not have babies, you're under no obligation to provide babies for them!

mrjoepike Tue 24-Apr-18 16:26:03

your body
your life
your choice

Branleuse Tue 24-Apr-18 16:26:35

Tell them to mind their own business. Youve got YEARS to decide. Youre young and single. Why on earth are they pressuring you?
You dont have to have children EVER if you dont want them

MaryMcCarthy Tue 24-Apr-18 16:26:42

It's been mentioned but the gag reflex is refers to sticking things down your throat, not seeing poo.

ObiJuanKenobi Tue 24-Apr-18 16:27:39

YANBU to not want to have children but your post makes you come across as very immature and naive.

Trinity66 Tue 24-Apr-18 16:27:46

I'm now 30 and pregnant. Now ppl are asking if I think I'm a bit old for my first lol

Really? 30 is pretty young to start these days.

Idontdowindows Tue 24-Apr-18 16:28:00

If anyone asks just go "for the same reason that I don't want an elephant on the balcony".

bootLegging Tue 24-Apr-18 16:29:57


Don't eat other people's children's nappies.

Hope that helps.

Luckingfovely Tue 24-Apr-18 16:30:28

Stop discussing it with people, it's ridiculous.

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