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AIBU?

To ask babysitter to stay at home

143 replies

user1494667160 · 23/04/2018 21:57

We have a babysitter who helps us as and when is needed.
She is a lovely girl.
The problem I have is that when she babysits in the day she always wants to take the kids out in the car somewhere.
I don’t mind this occasionally but sometimes I want her to stay at home with them. I have a massive garden and loads of toys etc.
An example of this was this weekend. I have 5 kids. I asked if she could babysit the younger two.
She texts me before she gets here saying can I take the kids to the park which is 15 min away.
It means I have to put all the car seat basses and car seat from my car into her car, sort problem out, pack changing bags, make bottles up etc it is a right pain.
I have no problem her going to a park I have round here as she can walk there with the pram.
Anyway I reluctantly said yes to her going out. However my husband text her and said I would rather the kids stayed at home and play in the garden for fresh air.
She texts back saying but it’s such a nice day I want to go out. He said the kids can play in the garden.
She texts back saying but it’s a really nice day and I really want to see my family. So she wants to babysit but also have time with her mum and sisters at the park.
She has recently started to bring her boyfriend with her whenever she babysits.
I don’t want to fall out with her as I have no other babysitter (no parents or friends that help us) so really need her.
However the whole point of someone babysitting is to make our lives easier.
To get the younger two children ready to go out is hard work so when she comes round to babysit in the day ( happens maybe once every two weeks) I would rather she stayed in sometimes.
Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:

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NapQueen · 23/04/2018 21:59

How often is she babysitting and is she insured to use her car for work purposes?

GreenTulips · 23/04/2018 22:01

Baby sitting is usually in the evening when the kids are in bed

What you are asking for is childcare

Does she have qualifications?
Is she insured?

user1494667160 · 23/04/2018 22:03

Once every 2 weeks sometimes 3 weeks.
For example if we take the older 3 somewhere like cinema/theatre then we would ask her to babysit the younger 2 for 4 hours.

OP posts:

Twickerhun · 23/04/2018 22:03

Nope you are not unreasonable, if you are paying a decent rate then you need to state some expectations.

NapQueen · 23/04/2018 22:03

Maybe she just isnt suitable fit for the family any more?

LagunaBubbles · 23/04/2018 22:04

This isn't babysitting. If you need childcare you need to employ a Nanny or a Registered Child minder.

user1494667160 · 23/04/2018 22:04

If we go out a date night then she would babysit at home but has now started to bring her boyfriend.
She used to work at the kids nursery so is qualified.

OP posts:

user1494667160 · 23/04/2018 22:05

A registered nanny/childminder is not going to look after children for 4 hours every two weeks. They want regular work.

OP posts:

NotTakenUsername · 23/04/2018 22:06

She used to work at the kids nursery so is qualified.

This shows experience not qualification,

countycouncil · 23/04/2018 22:06

Yanbu, sounds like the arrangement has run its course. Could you ask someone else at their nursery to babysit? And I think other posters are being pedantic about childcare/babysitter.

Susanjeffery1984 · 23/04/2018 22:08

YANBU. It sounds as though she is killing two birds with one stone...
I wouldn’t be happy about it at all.

user1494667160 · 23/04/2018 22:09

She has qualifications (I’ve seen them) and experience as well.
Anyway that wasn’t the question I asked.
I need to get a resolution to the problem. 🙁

OP posts:

youngnomore · 23/04/2018 22:10

Doesn’t sound like she’s taking it very seriously. A sunny day out with her family. The boyfriend coming with her to sit. Not very professional.

user1494667160 · 23/04/2018 22:11

Thanks Susan. I’ve tried to get other babysitters but is difficult to find someone to trust and available for a few hours at weekends.

OP posts:

Whocansay · 23/04/2018 22:12

She's supposed to be working for you. I think she's taking the piss. And I doubt she has insurance to take the kids out and about. I'd find someone else, to be honest.

MollyDaydream · 23/04/2018 22:12

You're the employer so you set the rules.

londonrach · 23/04/2018 22:13

As everyone else says this isnt baby sitting but childcare. Baby sitting is parents going for for meal, cinema etc whilst baby sitter seats at home eating biscuits, watching tv whilst hoping dc stay asleep. If during the day thats childcare and totally different.

Saying that i think this arrangement has run its course as i wouldnt be happy either. Think you might need to revisit your childcare arrangements.

NotTakenUsername · 23/04/2018 22:13

How much do you pay her? I think that is relevant to how I would feel about it.

user1494667160 · 23/04/2018 22:13

That’s what I thought youngnomore.
Im not sure how to approach it with her though without upsetting the situation.

OP posts:

TheDowagerCuntess · 23/04/2018 22:13

It's school hols here at the moment, and our babysitter is looking after the kids a couple of days.

I expect her to take them out.

It's not fair to expect people to stay home all day, not matter how big the garden, or how many toys.

I'd find it hard to keep kids amused at home for all that time, and so wouldn't expect someone else to do it.

Of course she wants to take them out.

If this doesn't work for you, you will probably need to explain that to her, and let her decide if it's a deal-breaker. But I honestly think it's a tough ask to expect someone to entertain kids at home all day.

The boyfriend however - no way.

NapQueen · 23/04/2018 22:13

So why not just say that you would like to put in two rules:
1 - no taking kids out in her car.
2 - no boyfriend accompanying her.

user1494667160 · 23/04/2018 22:16

So babysitting is only evening work? I didn’t realise that.
I’m not sure I can find a registered childminder who would work 4 hours in the day every so often at weekends 😬

OP posts:

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AhNowTed · 23/04/2018 22:16

"Not very professional" LOL

For heavy sake she is a casual babysitter, a few hours every couple of weeks. Teenager by the sounds of it.

So what if she wants to join her family at a park.. I'd have thought you'd be delighted your children are socialising.

And so what if she wants the company of her boyfriend.

OP you're making a fuss over nothing and running this risk of losing this "lovely girl" and for what.

AlbertaSimmons · 23/04/2018 22:16

Our nanny used to do this. She would pick up DS1 from school and then go round to one of the other families that also had a nanny and sit chatting until it was time for us to get home from work. What I wanted her to do was collect from school, go home to our house, get changed, relax and play a bit (he was only 4) and then have tea. She wouldn't do it and we had to let her go in the end.

BrownTurkey · 23/04/2018 22:17

Well, it just depends how much you value her and want to keep her. She is saying what she is prepared to do - she may or may not want to continue if you say no to boyfriend or going out. If its not working for you, look elsewhere.

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