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To ask how many of you are truly happy?

(98 Posts)
Jojojingle Mon 23-Apr-18 21:52:21

I went out with 3 friends for dinner tonight and all they did was moan about how unhappy they are with their life, they seemed genuinely shocked when I told them I loved my life and seemed to take that as an insult?
I’m 35, two dd’s aged 3 &7, no husband, average job.
My life is by no means perfect but I’m happier than I’ve ever been, I earn an average wage and have no spare money, dh left us 2 years ago so I had to move to a smaller house next door to my parents but I like that because we’re close and my dd’s get to see them everyday and dh was a waste of space anyway. My friends have always got trouble with their boyfriends/husbands which I’m so glad I don’t have (I’m staying single for the foreseeable) but they still try and get me to start dating again, they moan about how their children behave and one even keeps telling us she wishes she had never had her ds. They are the only friends I have really and I spend all my time at work or with my kids but I’m genuinely loving life right now.
I guess what I’m asking is are you truly happy in life? Are my friends just moaning for the sake of it?

Puffycat Mon 23-Apr-18 21:54:35

Glad you’re happy op!
Me? Like a pig in shite!
Happiness is a state of mind 😊

SandyY2K Mon 23-Apr-18 21:58:23

Happiness is subjective. I have a good life ... but 2 things would make me happier. Being richer and slimmer.

TheSunnySide Mon 23-Apr-18 21:58:57

Although I have lows I too really love my life. Same as you my husband left me, I live with DC and I have a badly paid part time job that allows me to spend the holiday with DC and which I love going to.

I don’t want another relationship and and even pretty chilled about the fact that STBXH has found someone new (good luck) so really the only thing that stresses me is STBX talking about money.

I genuinely look for the good things in life and am quite busy a lot of the time. It’s just my hormones that sometimes bring me down, or other people being dicks.

BillywilliamV Mon 23-Apr-18 21:59:34

Yep, Im happy, exactly one year tomorrow since my mastectomy. Thrilled to be here and be well. I have even baked a cake!

MirriVan Mon 23-Apr-18 21:59:37

I think women who follow the standard Life Pattern (job that meets parental approval - marriage - kids) without actually considering who they are and what THEY want often tend to end up hating their lives.
I'm very glad to hear you're loving life, OP - and I hope your friends can forgive you for it (seriously, they might not....).

Ohdearyme2018 Mon 23-Apr-18 21:59:59

I think it’s down to the person in most cases. Some people just love winging.

AnneLovesGilbert Mon 23-Apr-18 22:05:13

Apart from two things I’m very happy in my life. I know what you mean about people moaning and feeling like saying you’re happy is annoying or insulting to people. I had dinner with two friends recently who had nothing to say about their husbands/partners that wasn’t a moan. I’m also friends with the men and love them to bits but I guess most people have gripes.

I don’t actually have anything bad to say about my husband and I’m not going to make stuff up to fit in so I just stayed quiet and tried to be sympathetic. I’m not at all smug either but he’s my second husband so I have a point of comparison and he’s perfect for me.

I enjoy my job, I love my home, I like where we live, my family are happy and healthy, I have good kind friends, money is okay, we have nice things. I’m happy and grateful.

My friends are mostly happy as well, one of them just really loves to complain about things but that’s okay and I love her grin

BeyondFear2020 Mon 23-Apr-18 22:06:01

I think some people assume happiness is a destination, that most of them are yet to reach. I think it would help if more people realised that happiness is transient, just like other states that we all experience (such as sadness). And to focus on the happy times as they happen. As a pp said, it’s a state of mind. If you focus the positives, they become much easier to spot.

AnneLovesGilbert Mon 23-Apr-18 22:06:23

Very glad to hear it @BillywilliamV

Enjoy your celebration.

NotUmbongoUnchained Mon 23-Apr-18 22:10:20

Have a beautiful house, a truly incredible husband, to lovely children, a cute as fuck cat, couple of nice cars, holidays a few times a year, a very well paid career that I love, a healthy body that looks good and my mental health is finally at a high.

I was only really happy when I got rid of the negative people in my life though. No matter how happy you are, people like that will bring you down.

FoodGloriousFud Mon 23-Apr-18 22:15:45

I am! Husband to be who I adore, wonderful family, beautiful home in a lovely area, 2 cars, job I enjoy and enough money to be able to do nice things (meals out, weekends away etc) without worrying. Feel incredibly blessed.

bananafish81 Mon 23-Apr-18 22:26:51

We're trying to learn to be happy

We're coming to terms with the end of the road of our fertility treatment and having to accept that we can't have children

We are heartbroken that we can't have the family we so desperately want

I've started on anti depressants and we're trying to come to terms with it all. We're not happy, far from it. But I hope that one day we may be able to say that we are.

Butterfly1975 Mon 23-Apr-18 22:32:32

I think some people feel they need to moan in order to bond with each other!

Glad you are feeling so happy and content with life OP smile

BusterGonad Mon 23-Apr-18 22:35:13

This is a tricky one for me, I spend half my life worrying about things I cannot change/or the past and half my life worrying about the future. confused I think if I could just live in the now I'd be happy! I do try but I've got a history of anxiety and it's ever so hard!

JustHereForThePooStories Mon 23-Apr-18 22:38:23

I’m happy!

Still have both my parents, and a (mostly!) great family.

Adore my husband. He’s ace.

We have the exact number of kids we’ve always wanted (0!)

No money worries.

I love my job, it’s satisfying, fun, challenging, and I adore the people I work with.

Generally happy with my lot.

SerenDippitty Mon 23-Apr-18 22:50:40

Yes on balance I am happy. It made us very sad that we couldn’t have children but we have each other and everything else in life that really matters.

Aylarose Mon 23-Apr-18 22:57:51

Your silly friends OP- it's great that you're happy!

I'm not really that happy (or that unhappy for that matter) but it's situational I think.

I am happy with some aspects of my life, for example both of my parents are still alive albeit not in the best of health, I get on well with my siblings, I have a lovely little dog BUT that's where it ends- no job, no husband, no kids, no house, no car- there's lots I don't have! And I have some health issues to contend with.

@Billywilliam- that's so great that you're enjoying life after what you've been through too.

FireplaceLover Mon 23-Apr-18 22:59:44

I long to be happy but motherhood overwhelms me. But my children are healthy so I know I am blessed.

I think if I still had either of my parents alive or indeed any living extended family I would be happier. But having 3 young children with zero support (dh works away mon-fri) is just so lonely.

Op, treasure your happiness. It’s a gift in itself.

username182 Mon 23-Apr-18 23:04:03

I am. Single parent to one dc, work part time and am beyond skint but I learnt to make the effort to be happy and grateful for what I've got.
It's a skill in my opinion and like any skill takes work and gets easier with practice.
I had to teach myself how to be happy when I was in a deep hole. I had to tell myself every day I would get through it and be happy until I believed it and made it happen.
I say positive affirmations and practise gratitude everyday and it has changed my life. I got rid of users and bad influences from my life and make time to do things i love.
Bad things still happen to me, I'm not lucky but I'm a much stronger more positive and resilient person now.

HelloHouse Mon 23-Apr-18 23:10:14

I am very happy with my life, and to others would be considered very lucky - nice house cars holiday etc. But I genuinely believe how happy you are is down to l perception on life and your personality rather than what you have in your life. Some people are happy married,divorced,single,lots of kids, childfree, well off, poor, careers or part time jobs. None of these things make us happy they just add up to a life that our perceptions determine if it makes us happy.

I have a friend who marries and had kids young, so while our other friends are having newborns she is getting her life back and progressing her career. Her husband is fab, her kids are talented but For whatever reason she constantly focuses on what others have that she doesn't have and it makes me sad she doesn't realise that through others eyes she's the lucky one. That's why I believe it's all down to individual personalities and outlook.

Your friends sound like this and while everyone loves a good moan - it's important to be grateful from time to time.

arethereanyleftatall Mon 23-Apr-18 23:15:59

Yup, I am.

TheMonkeyMummy Mon 23-Apr-18 23:18:54

I am very happy! We struggle financially, but we live simple lives in a beautiful place, love each other and have four gorgeous kids. My husband
likes his job and I am successfully building a business which once our youngest starts school in two years, should start bringing me a proper income. Our parents and siblings are happy and due to modern technology we are in close contact, despite living in different countries, and still see each other several times a year.

What else do you need in life?

user1483390742 Mon 23-Apr-18 23:20:03

Have a fantastic husband- true catch. Three kids that get on my nerves, a PT job i don't particularly enjoy, a nice-ish house, one holiday a year. I'm not happy!

Farontothemaddingcrowd Mon 23-Apr-18 23:20:19

Do you know what, I am. I never have been before. I've had depression for years and it had just lifted. I didn't think it possible. External circumstances are good but that's partly down to the internal happiness that means I'm motivated and confident. I've no idea why this has happened but it has and it's not a happiness that anyone can take from me. It's not money or a boyfriend etc. It's a state of mind. I'm lucky enough not to have pressing or urgent financial worries or health issues which would change things I guess.
Yes, I'm happy. I spent a long time not being.

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