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To feel pushed out

(55 Posts)
Rapunzel15 Mon 23-Apr-18 16:57:15

Im currently on holiday with my DP, DD (2 1/2) and my in laws. They are both lovely and i get on with them really well the only problem is they seem to be obsessed with giving me a break.
So far the entire holiday has consisted of them taking DD to do all the fun stuff while they insist i stay at the hotel "having a break" i know they mean well but i miss DD terribly. Im a sahm and genuinely enjoy being with my DD and i feel like im missing out on some great times with her.
They spend plenty of time with her usually, i just dont see why i cant join in.
How do i bring this up with out sounding rude or ungrateful?

MissionItsPossible Mon 23-Apr-18 16:58:49

Just be a bit forceful and insist that it's your holiday too and you want to explore/do things/join in and not just stay cooped up in a hotel for the entire time.

sheddooropen Mon 23-Apr-18 16:59:46

Just say that you are grateful for the break and feel rested and ready to join in the activities, if that doesn't work just say you feel lonely and just want to join in and make the most of the precious time together

Pengggwn Mon 23-Apr-18 17:00:03

How do they insist? Say no, you're spending the day with DD (and then, if this is amenable to them).

captainBligh Mon 23-Apr-18 17:00:41

Just be honest.

Most people appreciate it and genuine forthrightness is usually quickly forgiven, if anyone even takes offence in the first place.

MollyHuaCha Mon 23-Apr-18 17:05:12

Offer to give them a break.

They can have their break relaxing at the hotel whilst you go out with DD.

Trinity66 Mon 23-Apr-18 17:07:34

Yeah be honest with them, say thank you so much for offering to give me a break but I want to and enjoy doing this stuff with DD but you're welcome to join us!

Pengggwn Mon 23-Apr-18 17:14:33

I wouldn't have anyone separating me from my DD unless I honestly did want a break. The fact that I'd bite their hands off is neither here nor there!

captainBligh Mon 23-Apr-18 17:18:20

"The fact that I'd bite their hands off is neither here nor there!"

It is because I suspect you (we) would be in the majority meaning that the family are behaving perfectly normally and that most people would be delighted.

Lethaldrizzle Mon 23-Apr-18 17:21:56

I'm with you op. They sound a bit over-bearing. They should be asking what you would like rather than forcing their ideas on you.

Peachyking000 Mon 23-Apr-18 17:23:33

Be honest with them. I remember my parents taking my DS then aged 1 for his first paddle in the sea while I was busy setting up the beach chairs, blankets, picnic stuff etc, and feeling a bit tearful.

Pengggwn Mon 23-Apr-18 17:23:50


Doesn't really matter that I would be delighted to get a break. The OP isn't, and that must be coming across. If they persist, that is not perfectly normal behaviour.

Dozer Mon 23-Apr-18 17:25:32

They can’t insist: it’s up to you and DP to determine what the three of you do.

GabriellaMontez Mon 23-Apr-18 17:25:54

"Thanks. I've recharged my batteries and now I'm looking forward to spending some time on holiday with dd"

If they don't accept this then they arent really trying to do you a favour.

GabriellaMontez Mon 23-Apr-18 17:27:01

By the way I'd feel the same.

Dozer Mon 23-Apr-18 17:27:45

Being a SAHM has nothing to do with anything.

GreenStars Mon 23-Apr-18 17:28:09

Start your conversation over breakfast tomorrow with something like 'what a lovely day! I can't wait to see DD play on the beach today, think I might take her on a boat trip!'

captainBligh Mon 23-Apr-18 17:28:27

"that must be coming across"

Must it?

Iflyaway Mon 23-Apr-18 17:28:43

they insist i stay at the hotel "having a break" i know they mean well but i miss DD terribly.

They sound very controlling. Where is your DP in all this? Does he stay with you to hang out by the pool/beach/taking a walk..?

Or does his own thing, or off with his parents and DD?

Pengggwn Mon 23-Apr-18 17:29:58


Well, if it isn't, the OP has her explanation. But since she uses the words "they insist", then I am inferring that she says she would like to go!

captainBligh Mon 23-Apr-18 17:34:34

I don't because it sounds like she hasn't brought it up. She asks how she can.

"Insisting" can mean very different things. Sometimes courteous and kind, sometimes well-intentioned but wrong and sometimes simply awful.

My first inference is that the OP probably mentions the fact that she doesn't get a break from her child.

See how we infer very different things from 6 sentences?

Pengggwn Mon 23-Apr-18 17:36:43


I'm not really in the mood for the condescending thing. hmm

KinkyAfro Mon 23-Apr-18 17:37:59

Where's your DP in all this? Is he staying with you or going with them?

captainBligh Mon 23-Apr-18 17:42:44

Umm, star ?

BanyanTree Mon 23-Apr-18 17:55:51

"having a break"

You do realise that is your MIL's way of getting your DD to herself without you around. My MIL used to say this to me. When I pushed back it turned nasty and into "I want to spend time with DGC without you around".

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