Back to work in two weeks after almost a year of maternity leave. DD2 will be ten months when I go back. I know she’s my last one.
I’ve been phasing her into nursery (her older sister has been there since the same age and it has been wonderful) and it’s going well. She seems to like it. So childcare-wise I think we are set.
But I feel sick to my stomach this time round. I love being home for the girls and dedicating all of my time and energy to them. We have a good routine going. They eat well, I have energy and capacity to do fun stuff with them. I’m not stressed and snappy. Last time round I felt ready to go back but not this time. My career is full on, demanding and time consuming and while I won’t be working during time spent with the girls (every night at the kitchen table once they are asleep is the most likely scenario) it just won’t be the same.
DD2 is an absolute sweetheart. She’s hilarious and affectionate and so, so attached to me. I can’t bear the idea of leaving her in nursery three days per week (8-6 - unavoidably long days). She’ll wonder where I’ve gone.
There is no way I can not work. We have done the sums. Also if I leave my career it’s unlikely I’ll get back in in five years when they’re both at school - competitive and fast-moving area. DH keeps saying it’s really for the best and it’s better for me in the long run, he reckons I would be bored at home eventually, and what would I do once the girls are at school etc. I haven’t said much to him (because what’s the point, it won’t change anything) but I feel utterly cut up about it.
Can anyone relate? Can anyone make me feel better? 😞
AIBU?
To feel utterly shite about going back to work?
DrTorres · 22/04/2018 23:50
I can totally relate. I am going back in sept after what will be almost a year with my DD2. I have been through this twice before but its still heartbreaking. I would love to have more time with her. We literally wouldn't be able to afford the mortgage if I didn't go back.
Is there any way you could look at maybe reducing to 2 or 2.5 days? Is there any way you could have a year back and in that year really save and then cut your hours? I am thinking of trying to do something along those lines and it is giving me hope
Ultimately though we are among the lucky few who can afford to at least be part time. Once you get back it really won't feel as awful as it does now and I definitely think we make more of the time together the less of it we have. I often get to the end of a week of my mat leave and wonder why i've wasted time
Other things you could fo to make your two days together more special is look at getting a cleaner so that you don't spend your days off doing jobs round the house and make sure you discuss with DH how household jobs are going to be distributed once you are working.
I know how you feel and it sucks
Ah this makes me so nervous. I’ve not had baby yet but due back to work in August. (Own business) and I just know I’m going to hate going back so soon. 
From what you have stated you need to go back to work. Try to think that it is for three days, therefore you will have four days with your dds
This. I don’t really get why it’s “unfair” either OP. It is what it is, it’s understandable that you find it hard, but it’s not “unfair”, it’s just life.
I’ve always had to work too, I’ve always done 4 days a week since mine were babies, and I have never got upset about it, it just had to happen. I am sure when you are back at work it won’t be so bad and you can enjoy the 4 days a week you get to spend with them
I'm due twins in 3 weeks. I will have to return to work at 6-8 weeks for financial reasons. We are all pretty sad about it. I'm better off than most. Tempted to offer you a 
tbh 
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