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AIBU?

To not want MIL to refer to herself as "Mummy" around my dc

145 replies

tickyticky · 22/04/2018 22:52

I'm not sure what's gotten into me but this keeps happening and it's really starting to get on my nerves.

I'm very pregnant at the moment and am so up and down emotionally I'm not sure if I'm being unreasonable...

Nearly every time we see MIL, which is usually every couple of weeks she refers to herself as Mummy to my dc at least a few times during the visit.

"Give mummy a kiss" "would you like mummy pass that to you" "oops Mummy is in your way". I used to inwardly eye roll but now it just gets me absolutely raging and DD is starting to talk more and more everyday and I'd probably cry if she said "Mummy" to MIL.

Am I being an insecure twat? I know I'm her mummy, she knows I'm mummy, so there should be no issue.
It's just so bizarre for MIL to keep saying it. And DH hasn't called her Mummy since he was about 5.

OP posts:
raviolidreaming · 22/04/2018 22:54

YANBU. That's weird and unnecessary.

BasilFaulty · 22/04/2018 22:55

That's so bloody weird!!!

Have you ever mentioned it to her? Even in a ''lighthearted and hope she gets the hint' way?

If not, I think that's your only option at this point.

But yeah, YANBU, that's bloody weird
Brew

reachforthewine · 22/04/2018 22:55

I find it odd that your MIL wants to be called mummy. She's had her turn.

Have you said anything to her? I would say no I'm mummy, you're gran/granny/grandma and repeat.

Coffeeisnecessary · 22/04/2018 22:55

This would really annoy me too. Can you start loudly referring to her as granny or nanny a lot to your dd in front of MIL until she gets the message?

Lana1234 · 22/04/2018 22:55

Have you asked her not to? Yanbu though, how weird Confused

Nanny0gg · 22/04/2018 22:55

Just repeat what is said but emphasise Granny or Nana or whatever it is she is normally called.

If that fails, challenge her on it.

Ratherbehome · 22/04/2018 22:56

I don't think you're being an insecure twat, I think she's being really weird. What would your mil sign herself as in a card to your dd?

Greenyogagirl · 22/04/2018 22:57

That is bizarre, I’d have to tell her to quit it and think of a name she’d hate to call her like granny

TakeMe2Insanity · 22/04/2018 22:57

See my MIL does this, until one day it occured to me that she was the mummy for x years and that it was what she was so used to calling herself. Its presumably hard to get used to name change even job change.

Maybe a little kindness but constant reminder that she is granny/whatever.

VanillaSugar · 22/04/2018 22:58

YANBU - my own mum did this when my DD was small. She looked after DD between the end of nursery and me getting home from work. If my DD said “mummy” then my DM would answer. I tackled DM about this but she just said that “it’s wonderful, isn’t it?” Errrrrr..... no Hmm

Years later, she’s still obsessed with DD whilst totally ignoring (up to the point of bullying) my younger DS.

There’s no excuse for this. Remind your MIL that she is GRANNY.

Fluffyears · 22/04/2018 22:59

‘Oops GRANNY is forgetful nowadays, isn’t she silly as I’m Mummy!’Said with a laugh and a steely glare!

Cornishclio · 22/04/2018 23:00

That is weird. I am nanny to my GC. Does she have a dislike of being called grandmother or nanny? I cannot imagine why she says that. I would ask her to stop. She is not the mummy, you are.

fc301 · 22/04/2018 23:00

You are not her Mummy. Every. Single. Time.

tickyticky · 22/04/2018 23:00

No I haven't said anything to her direct yet. I really hate confrontation and was starting to think I was going bloody mad because after each visit I'd say to DH "why does she keep saying that" and he genuinely wouldn't pick up on it.

He did yesterday though when she said it right in front of him and he replied with "Mummy Confused... I don't think so" she just laughed and didn't say anything. He said if she says it again he wants to say something because it's pretty confusing for DD and he thinks it's just rude.

He said he'd be pissed off if my Dad kept calling himself "Daddy"!

OP posts:
Jaylabelle · 22/04/2018 23:01

Whenever she says something referring to herself as mummy, then just pointedly repeat it to dd, but saying granny instead.

frasier · 22/04/2018 23:01

Grrrrrr... YANBU

Yes, use the "Granny" (or equivalent) word A LOT. Show LO pictures of the family and name them all. DD will soon get the hang.

Pinga · 22/04/2018 23:01

YADNBU. She is being really weird.

MyOtherProfile · 22/04/2018 23:02

Maybe easier then if dh corrects her each time now he's aware of it. Weird.

bigbird50 · 22/04/2018 23:02

YANBU surprised you have let her refer to herself as mummy to your DC without challenging her. Doesn't your OH say anything to his DM?

Shizzlestix · 22/04/2018 23:02

I think I’d stop and do a one off (you’ll only need to do this once) really fucking serious low voiced ‘You are not mummy. Stop saying that.’ Honestly, do it.

bigbird50 · 22/04/2018 23:04

oops cross posts! hope your DH does tackle her when she says it again

frasier · 22/04/2018 23:04

Ah, if you hate confrontation and MIL is the pushy type, she would have picked up on that and assume you will say nothing.

DH has to make good on his word and tell her. Avoid being alone with her and baby for a while because she may try to do it when DH isn't around just for badness it's what my MIL would have done.

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BloodyWorried · 22/04/2018 23:05

If I were you I’d make a comment to dd when gran isn’t around like “I don’t know why gran is calling herself mummy, she’s DH’s mummy and your gran. Do you think you should ask her next time?” My dc would then say “But you are gran not mummy” and would continue to do so each time she referenced herself until she stopped.

tickyticky · 22/04/2018 23:07

She's not a manipulative, horrible person but it's started to make me paranoid and thinking that she does it when DH is deep in conversation with FIL or not in the room.

Maybe it's time for me to put my big girl pants on and call her out on it! She hates the name "Granny" and has voiced it many times that she's far too young.

OP posts:
PinkCalluna · 22/04/2018 23:08

Correct her politely.

My MIL did this too. I said “Granny not Mummy” and my FIL got a bit cross.

I just calmly but firmly repeated “I’m Mummy, you’re Granny” and lifted the baby out of her arms.

My point was made.

You don’t need to confront or argue or get upset. Just correct politely and remove the baby every time she does it.

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