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"Drinks rule" is silly or am I being sensitive?

(234 Posts)
KungFuPandaWorks Sun 22-Apr-18 16:16:48

Hi!
Lost my login to my old account but made a very similar name for this account, So hopefully a few will recognise me.

(Quick run down. Sister kicked niece out over sister's new boyfriend is the crux of it)

In the last 6 weeks, my sister has suddenly wanted a relationship with niece. ( coincidental the reconciliation happened around the birth of baby number 7)
Last night niece went and stayed for the first time since her mum kicking her out, obviously I was wary because my sister is still with her partner who is a dick.

Niece has not long been back, hasn't slept all night because she was helping with the baby (which she says she didnt mind) But a few things stuck out too me, maybe I'm being over sensitive because of the previous situation but I would like opinions.

- a 3 drink rule was put in place. She was only allowed 3 drinks when there (water was included in this) because she can't be drinking all the people's drinks who lives there hmm

- everytime she mentioned me, my child or pregnancy it was made clear by the boyfriend he doesn't want me being mentioned.

- she wasn't allowed a shower or bath because she doesn't live there anymore

- when she was playing with the younger siblings he told her too stop it and go and look after the new baby because that's why she is there.

- Made it obvious he didnt want her there.

- (not really on the best grounds with my sister but it's improved) I got a text about 40 minutes after niece came home, apparently from sister. Asking if neice is planning on making staying over a regular thing, could I start contributing something for when she stays and explain that she must listen,follow and respect what (boyfriends name) says.

She is so excited that her mum is allowing her back around the house and near her siblings, but Im just worried the boyfriend is setting her up to fail. Are the above "rules" Ok? Or am I just being a bitch and not giving him the benefit of the doubt because of last time.

MrsTerryPratchett Sun 22-Apr-18 16:18:51

Sounds awful. How old is DNiece?

Babyplaymat Sun 22-Apr-18 16:19:03

Fuck that. How old is niece?

JamPasty Sun 22-Apr-18 16:21:02

My god!! All of those rules are batshit and cruel with it. Your poor niece! And good on you for taking her in

KungFuPandaWorks Sun 22-Apr-18 16:22:24

Sorry should have mentioned that she's 11.

Babyplaymat Sun 22-Apr-18 16:23:04

All the nopes.

Anniegetyourgun Sun 22-Apr-18 16:24:53

Perhaps they should work out how much she should be paid for babysitting her new half-sibling and take the cost of her drinks etc from that hmm

Anniegetyourgun Sun 22-Apr-18 16:25:28

(The hmm was at them, not at you, of course.)

silverysky Sun 22-Apr-18 16:26:16

Cannot believe what I am reading. This is terrible. You must not let her be treated like this. Are Social Services involved?

cantstopfuckingeating Sun 22-Apr-18 16:26:25

God that's awful. Bordering on abusive. Poor girl

Porpoises Sun 22-Apr-18 16:26:33

That's horrendous. No water?! Look after the baby and don't spend time with your siblings when she is 11?! Poor girl. Hard to know what's best if her mother refuses to protect her from this guy.

Allthewaves Sun 22-Apr-18 16:27:46

oh god no, it's all kinds of wrong but I don't know what you can do if niece wants to be there.

ZibbidooZibbidooZibbidoo Sun 22-Apr-18 16:28:11

Christ!! Are you in a position to refuse to let her go back? That’s entirely abusive!

DancingLedge Sun 22-Apr-18 16:28:21

Not ok behaviour from a mother to an eleven year old daughter.

Paying to stay over single nights? Wouldn't most mother's just be delighted to be building bridges with their daughter?

And telling g her who she can talk about?
And, well, all of it really.
What do you think?

KarmaStar Sun 22-Apr-18 16:28:50

What is wrong with your sister?
This is very difficult as your niece wants to go and see her mum .
I would try to limit the visits to a few hours at a time,preferably when the bf wasn't there as it sounds as if she is very vulnerable around him.
He can stick his rules and the money requests(cf).
Your poor niece.really lovely you have given her a home and care so much about her op.flowers

JamPasty Sun 22-Apr-18 16:28:52

11!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Holy fuck, I assumed she was 16+. In which case they are even more arseholes than I thought they were. And frankly, I would be telling niece that while people can make their own rules up in their house, she can be assured in her mind that the rules are bonkers, and she's not to get upset about them, cos the rules are batshit.

Screaminginsideme Sun 22-Apr-18 16:29:06

Er no they shouldn’t have contact with her unsupervised- who chooses a boyfriend over their own child?!?
You sister should be paying you maintenance for raising her child.
3 drinks in how long? That right there is abusive.

Ubercornsdiscoball Sun 22-Apr-18 16:30:24

Social services need to be involved

MoveOnTheCards Sun 22-Apr-18 16:30:25

WTAF?! shock

That’s awful for your niece. Fucking awful. Poor girl. She’s lucky to have you so please don’t think this is a normal request!

rollingonariver Sun 22-Apr-18 16:30:51

That's fucking disgusting. I can't believe what I've just read! Poor child.
Are social services involved? Presumably none of her children have a nice life with twat bf around?

Dancingmonkey87 Sun 22-Apr-18 16:31:23

That’s disgusting behaviour could she stay with you? She’s still a kid,I thought you were going to say 18/19 but even then their behaviour is abusive. Sounds like they want her as a babysitter to their baby

SluttyButty Sun 22-Apr-18 16:31:37

She threw her primary school age child out? I'm horrified at that but those rules! Limiting drinks, not allowing her to wash, this is just awful. And as for an 11 yr old looking after a newborn baby confused Your sis doesn't sound like a very nice person at all.

Hisnamesblaine Sun 22-Apr-18 16:32:09

So are you her official guardian? And receive her child benifit etc?
And she wants a financial incentive to have her daughter to visit? Have I got that right?

Littlechocola Sun 22-Apr-18 16:32:25

shock are social services involved? If not they should be.

blueskyinmarch Sun 22-Apr-18 16:32:34

That is all kinds of wrong. I was expecting you to say your niece was 15 or 16 not 11. She is still a little kid. She isn't the nanny. It is most certainly abusive to treat her like that.

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