NC a bit outing.
I've been low contact with my DM since DS was born 9 months ago (not my choice). I used to visit her more than she would visit me anyway, but once DS was born her house was a no-go for me - her and her DP chain smoke in the house and they have two untrained dogs (one jumps up on people, the other I've not met as is still a puppy). She has only visited me once since DS was born (she lives 5 miles away) and ignores suggestions of meeting for coffee.
Anyway, I cracked and decided to call her and find out why she's been avoiding me. Short answer - I knew she was struggling for money, had savings, but decided to buy a house rather than help her out.
For reference she is always struggling for money as her and DP don't work (Her DP does some dodgy cash-in-hand stuff from time to time). She has twice over the past 6 years come into some amounts of money but it ended up being dwindled away (in the £10,000s each time). As she stopped getting child benefit and child tax credits last year, her outgoings are now higher than her incomings.
I haven't had any monetary support from either of my DPs. I've paid for everything myself and have been putting money aside for a couple of years. Neither myself or DP are high earners but we are generally comfortable (though money is tight on Mat Leave). I fell pregnant, we decided to buy thinking it would be easier to get a mortgage before DS was born. The savings were always for a house.
My DM thinks it's my job to support her because that's what children do. She's in her late 40s so I'm not sure I could afford to take care of her for the rest of her life even if she wanted me to. I have 2 other brothers, but one is NC with her, the other doesn't work so it's my job to help her out.
She has borrowed money before, but never paid back. She wasn't asking for a loan this time.
WIBU to use my savings on a house deposit or did I have a duty to give her some of that money instead?
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AIBU?
To have not given my savings to my DM?
131 replies
CapedCricket · 22/04/2018 12:40
OP posts:
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