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I probably am BU but I’m so pissed off!

(70 Posts)
SinkGirl Sat 21-Apr-18 12:13:10

I have toddler twins and several chronic conditions that have worsened since they were born (not surprising, I am constantly running round and don’t get much sleep). One of the conditions causes horrific periods, this one started on Monday so I’ve had an entire week of agony, morphine drowsiness, fatigue, migraines and nausea while chasing around the twins. Even took them to a sodding toddler group yesterday and then cried on the way home as I was in too much pain to push the 3 tonne buggy up the hill.

But hey, at least it was Friday so nearly the weekend and my DH could help me out. He works from home but is really busy so I try not to bother him - he will come and lend a hand if he can.

Anyway, yesterday he decided that it was absolutely essential that he went out before work and bought a lawnmower and then that he took a long lunch break and went out and mowed the lawn... at the hottest time of day, without any sunscreen, water or a hat, and got himself heat exhaustion and a nasty sunburn.

Last night I was quite concerned - bringing him water, taking his temperature, insisting he take off the many layers he put on because he felt cold.

This morning he’s still really unwell and I can’t help it, I’m pissed off. I was up umpteen times in the night. Up early with the boys this morning. He eventually got up but is too unwell to do anything and I’ve told him to go back to bed. I’m exhausted, I’m in pain, yesterday I had such an awful migraine my vision went blurry in one eye. I need a rest.

I’m not angry with him because I know he didn’t do it on purpose, I’m just annoyed with the situation.

The problem is I’m so annoyed that I’m being snappy with him which isn’t fair when he’s ill. I think it’s just annoying me that I have to carry on when I’m ill, and if we are both ill then it’s me who has to carry on.

All for a bloody lawn. FFS.

Please talk me down so I can stop being passive aggressive. I don’t want to be, I’ve just lost all perspective and patience.

MadeForThis Sat 21-Apr-18 12:16:03

I would be annoyed too.

He's sick but it was caused by his own foolishness.

LeighaJ Sat 21-Apr-18 12:20:25

He's an adult and he did it to himself, I'd be pissed off too in that situation.

My husband was shaking his head at sunburned people a few days ago saying "What did those idiots think would happen going outside in the sun for hours without sunscreen?"

LifeBeginsAtGin Sat 21-Apr-18 12:21:44

I wouldn't have thought cutting the grass is long enough to have caused sunstroke - how long was he out for?

WillowWept Sat 21-Apr-18 12:23:54

I wouldn't have thought cutting the grass is long enough to have caused sunstroke

Kind of depends how big the lawn is surely grin

SinkGirl Sat 21-Apr-18 12:24:28

A couple of hours, maybe slightly longer - he also spent some time chatting to the neighbour and then strimming. He definitely had all the symptoms of heat exhaustion, a temp of 38.9 etc. I was looking up online whether I had to call a doctor as he was in a bad way. He wasn’t well at all. I did feel quite sorry for him. I still do, but mostly I’m upset and irritated. I think the strength of weather was a surprise yesterday, but when he felt how hot it was he should have stopped.

SinkGirl Sat 21-Apr-18 12:25:14

It’s not that big a lawn but was very overgrown given we didn’t own a lawnmower until yesterday and we moved in in July!

TipTopTat Sat 21-Apr-18 12:27:06

Your husband is a pratt. You have 3 children apparently. Also as for him 'lending a hand'... bollocks. He's a parent. He isn't there to help you. He's there to bloody parent too.

SinkGirl Sat 21-Apr-18 12:31:11

Ugh, just reading this back I feel like a total bitch. He didn’t do it on purpose and was just trying to do a nice thing and make the garden usable for us and the boys. The truth is i wouldn’t be so annoyed if I felt well myself, and it’s not his fault I’m not well. Pain makes me a right cow sometimes.

SinkGirl Sat 21-Apr-18 12:32:09

Oh he does parent too, I just meant he will sometimes pitch in when he’s meant to be working if he can, which he doesn’t need to do but which I do appreciate.

Notevilstepmother Sat 21-Apr-18 12:49:32

You are not a total bitch. He is a grown man. He may not have done it deliberately, but he was reckless and should have known better, and it’s you that’s paying for his lack of common sense. You have ever reason to be annoyed with him, even if you didn’t have the chronic conditions on top, twin toddlers would be hard work. He was selfish to not
look after himself, so now you have 3 kids effectively. Stop being annoyed with yourself, it’s reasonable to be annoyed with him.

Crinkle77 Sat 21-Apr-18 12:49:58

Are you sure it's heat exhaustion? I can understand if he was out all day in the sun but it was only couple of hours or so.

Crinkle77 Sat 21-Apr-18 12:53:15

sorry just seen he has sun burn so must be heat stroke. I think yabu a bit. He was doing a household chores not out boozing. Then I would have no sympathy.

SinkGirl Sat 21-Apr-18 13:17:44

I’m not an expert but when I looked it up last night he had symptoms of heat exhaustion but not bad enough to be heat stroke (temp over 40, loss of consciousness, vomiting, confusion etc for the latter)

Like I say I was really sympathetic and very concerned last night. Did everything I could to try and help him feel better. I do feel bad for him as I know what it’s like to feel so shit.

Right now the boys are napping, he’s in bed and I’m too sore to sleep so just lying here trying not to fume. They’ll be up soon... ever wish life had a pause button? I just want some proper rest after a shitty week.

Fishface77 Sat 21-Apr-18 13:25:13

Op could you splurge and have a “night help” for a day a week or something?
Have you got a cleaner?
Can you throw money at life to make it a bit easier?
If not, have you got any family or friends that could help?
If you were my friend or relative I’d give you a hand.
You DH is a fool and I wouldn’t be waiting on him hand and foot as it’s self inflicted.

SinkGirl Sat 21-Apr-18 13:32:05

Been thinking about getting a cleaner for a while. No family around and all my friends locally are twin mums who are equally overwhelmed and exhausted. My DH is very good generally and pulls his weight but I’m just so worn down that even when I do get a better nights sleep it’s not enough.

JoanFrenulum Sat 21-Apr-18 13:32:34

You don’t sound like a bitch, it sounds like he gets nursied when he’s poorly even though he did it to himself, and you very much don’t get any looking after when you’re poorly even when you didn’t do it to yourself. I’d be pissed off in your shoes too. Twerp needs to put some ice in his hat, get off his arse, and look after you a bit.

TestingTestingWonTooFree Sat 21-Apr-18 13:38:38

Not unreasonable to be pissed off having primary responsibility for two small boys for an extra day when you’re feeling shit. Can you ask him to take them out tomorrow so you can rest and recover?

GabriellaMontez Sat 21-Apr-18 13:39:43

I'd be furious with him. He's a grown man and should no better. Is he aware how unwell you've been this week?

kateandme Sat 21-Apr-18 13:41:11

oh hun.you know why and what and the ifs and buts round the situ.and ur so lovely rhat ur not laying blame and even have compassion for him still.but your only human so are comepltely allowed to be pissed at the situation.and that could make anyone a ratty emotioanal bugger reacting to every single thing.
just keep that in mind cuz you have a really sensiblw head on the situation ur just overwhelmed and overworked and stuff.it gets too much.
but also talk to him! let him no what you've said here.
you don't blame him.but your feeling the pressure at the moment.
could there be a moment today you do stuff together.or he could come sit with the kids whilt you go for a drive or walk.or would this help the kids keep calm and you some sunshine time if you all wnt out.even to the postbox.
make the little moments that will make today easier happen

kateandme Sat 21-Apr-18 13:43:20

is there something you could do in the garden.set up some colour or paints so you get the benefit too?
a picnic on the lawn

lynzpynz Sat 21-Apr-18 13:47:33

People who are in pain (never mind chronic pain!) can be snappy, unreasonable and irritable - but can you blame them?! Don’t beat yourself up even more it sounds like you have a lot to contend with and had hoped for some respite this weekend only for your hubbys well-meaning daftness to scupper your hopes. Of course you’re frustrated and probably weepy too, and who can blame you! Don’t bottle it up (and lash out over something daft which is likely the tip of the iceberg!) speak to your doctor, speak to your other half and get some support. Pay for some childcare if you can afford it even if temporarily for a wee break it sounds like you need it OP.

Deep breaths you’re doing a great job. Sending hugs xx

LoniceraJaponica Sat 21-Apr-18 13:49:34

Where was it hot enough yesterday to cause heatstroke after only 2 hours in the sun?

We only had 19 degrees.

Are you sure it was heatstroke?

QuiteLikely5 Sat 21-Apr-18 13:51:00

Op you are just exhausted. Can you tell your husband how exhausted you are?

You need a complete break. 24 hours in a hotel would be good.

Can you afford a childminder for one afternoon per week?

This will all get better. It’s a gradual thing but once they turn 4 things change and the tiredness is behind you

SinkGirl Sat 21-Apr-18 14:02:30

He has all the symptoms (of heat exhaustion rather than heat stroke - less severe by the sounds of it) plus a sun burn. He looks like he’s been on a bloody desert hike, I have no idea how. It was bloody baking here in fairness! We’re on the south coast.

It’s just been a tough week. The twins had a sickness bug, one of them has a rare illness that makes it very dangerous when he can’t keep food down and we barely managed to keep him out of hospital. It’s just been super stressful as well as me feeling absolutely awful all week and I was just so looking forward to having a slightly calmer weekend. Oh well. Hopefully he will feel better tomorrow. I know it sucks feeling so ill, he doesn’t get shitty with me when I’m ill so I need to suck it up.

And yes, I am very weepy today, which is ridiculous.

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