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To tell EXDH to fuck off

(13 Posts)
PipLongStockings Fri 20-Apr-18 16:25:24

Total waste of space EXDH supposed to be having children tonight.
Background, he's an abusive drunk, totally unreliable, spiralled into debt despite having no outgoings, sporadic working, no maintenance paid, living in his mum and dads spare room since split 18 months ago.
We usually meet halfway to transfer children plus luggage over but he no longer has a car so has text me at 2pm (when he's supposed to be getting them at 4pm) that he has no access to a vehicle (he usually borrows his parents). That I will need to take the children to his and collect them again tomorrow, all at his convenience.
Text no chance, but do I fuck the miles, fuel and time and do it for the kids or do I finally not enable his shitty behaviour to my children?

mai5x Fri 20-Apr-18 16:26:53


If he wanted to see them he would have found a way. Tell him if he can't collect them he will have to rearrange weekends.

How old are your DC's?

Slightlyperturbedowlagain Fri 20-Apr-18 16:26:56

Would your children be disappointed not to see him? Or secretly relieved?

Hereward1332 Fri 20-Apr-18 16:28:44

His responsibility to meet as agreed. No further discussion is needed.

Neverender Fri 20-Apr-18 16:29:56

I would do it. At least you'll get some time to yourself? I didn't see my dad growing up though.

PipLongStockings Fri 20-Apr-18 16:32:17

DCs are 9 and 5. Littlest one will be upset, eldest is relieved grin
Yes, agree I do like my once a blue moon afternoons to myself!

Lacucuracha Fri 20-Apr-18 16:32:26

If you do it now you'll set a precedent.

Be firm.

He's an abusive alcoholic, he's not worth it for your kids.

donners312 Fri 20-Apr-18 16:40:33

Do what suits you best. Seriously what a pathetic waste of space.

BUT if you want some time to yourself then take them but if easier to just stay at home do that. Fuck him!!

Would he get the train over take them out for the afternoon so you get a bit of a break?


PipLongStockings Fri 20-Apr-18 16:43:37

He'd do nothing to see them. My first thought was... public transport? He'll just go sit in his local with a miserable bastard face plastered on so people offer to buy him drinks

Slightlyperturbedowlagain Fri 20-Apr-18 16:54:19

If he isn’t bothered then in your situation I think in principle it’s good to let them see enough of him that they understand who he is and what he’s like, but not enough that they get damaged or disrupted by the contact. Given it’s likely to be a sunny day tomorrow I wouldn’t want to spend all that time in the car for them to maybe sit in a pub yard when they get there?

willynillypie Fri 20-Apr-18 17:14:30

Don't do it OP - he sounds exactly like my father. What an absolute arsehole.

PaintedHorizons Fri 20-Apr-18 17:18:21

If he really is an abusive drunk whay would you want a five year old and a nine year old to spend any time with him at all?

Sorry - I just wouldn't do it. He won't make the effort and sooner or later he'll give up. If he then decides to challenge in court it would not be so easy.

If the nine year old is relieved then really you should not be putting him/her through the visits in the first place

BasilFaulty Fri 20-Apr-18 17:26:16

If he really is an abusive drunk whay would you want a five year old and a nine year old to spend any time with him at all?

That's exactly what I was going to say.

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