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AIBU to not want to pay for the kids

(84 Posts)
Noregrets25 Thu 19-Apr-18 09:45:20

So my partner and I don’t have children but my sister has 2 and my brother has 3. We often go out for meals for birthdays etc and the bill is split. When the kids were younger it didn’t bother me because they would have the kids menu drink tap water and was always very cheap.
However now they are older they eat off the main menu, they drink soft drinks and have dessert etc.
So we went out for my sisters birthday(she picked and it was not a cheap place) everyone had 2 courses, including the kids, they had 2 soft drinks each and everyone else shared wine, apart from my partner who had a Coke. So the bills come and it’s automatically split between the adults so my partner and I are paying towards 5 kids aswell.
AIBU to think I shouldn’t have to pay for the kids?! I spend a lot of time with the kids, take them out, pick them up gifts if I see something they will like, always treat them on their birthdays, but I feel like their parents should pay for them. Anyone else been is this situation and if so did you say anything?

ButchyRestingFace Thu 19-Apr-18 09:46:42

YANBU. Tell them.

TegKernow Thu 19-Apr-18 09:50:48

You're definitely not being unreasonable. Why the hell should you split the bill equally? Makes no sense.

I would just add up the cost of my own and dp's food and drinks and pay that.

BellyBean Thu 19-Apr-18 09:52:41

Yanbu and I can see how this sneaks up on you. Mention before you eat out with them again.

Ginger1982 Thu 19-Apr-18 09:52:48

Next time make a joke when the bill comes and the equal split is mentioned and then just pay what you owe. Amongst my friends, if you're not drinking alcohol and everyone else is you don't pay for any drinks.

Samcro Thu 19-Apr-18 09:54:12

yanbu my DB doesn't have kids, I never expected him to pay for mine when we were out.

FourFriedChickensDryWhiteToast Thu 19-Apr-18 09:56:01

Next time just say when it is being arranged, 'shall we all just pay for ourselves this time?'

AjasLipstick Thu 19-Apr-18 09:56:53

Oh they're being VERY rude! My eldest DD has eaten from the adult menu since she was about 11....I'd never expect others to pay for her! Or even for my DC"s children's menu meals! You have to say something....before the next meal, when you've all ordered, say "Well we'll just pay for ourselves this evening because we're keeping a tight reign on our finances at the moment....saving up!" with a smile.

THey know what they're doing.

BitchQueen90 Thu 19-Apr-18 09:57:37

YANBU. When I go out with family or friends it's you pay for what you've ordered.

Mightymucks Thu 19-Apr-18 10:01:36

YANBU at all. In my family if we want to split it simply it’s just split per head of family so those with kids probably pay a little extra.

Purplehammer Thu 19-Apr-18 10:02:30

They invite you because it’s cheaper for them.
Your’e paying half towards their kids meal.
Crafty.
But I am a cynic.

SluttyButty Thu 19-Apr-18 10:03:53

I disagree with bill splitting like this full stop. We pay for what we eat/drink and that's it. Neither of us drink alcohol when we eat out (usually have a jug of tap water) and I usually only have one course. I may sound mean but I'm not subbing someone else's huge appetite or glasses of wine...

Mightymucks Thu 19-Apr-18 10:03:59

I get that sometimes people want an easy split rather than getting the calculator out, but in that case you divide it in favour of the people who’ve had the least, not the most. That’s cheeky.

anonymousbird Thu 19-Apr-18 10:05:31

YANBU - you add up the number of people, divide the bill by that per person and pay for your total of people. We do this friends all the time when uneven sized families etc. No one bats an eyelid - quite standard practice so next time, get the bill and then calmly say splitting it out and give each their total.

FizzyGreenWater Thu 19-Apr-18 10:07:14

Rude - and deliberate.

Up to the bar yourself next time, pay yours and leave your own tip.

'Oh! We've already paid ours - got separate bill for you. Thought that would be easier!'

NetVolume Thu 19-Apr-18 10:08:00

You're not unreasonable at all op. Tell them you'll pay for yourselves.

When we eat out with family (we have three kids and my siblings have none) dh and I pay for us and the kids and everyone else for themselves.

Kannet Thu 19-Apr-18 10:08:25

This annoys me. I am always very happy to just split the bill, but I hate when parents with kids don't offer to pay extra. I never accept it but I like it to be at least acknowledged

Puzzledandpissedoff Thu 19-Apr-18 10:08:35

YANBU at all, and I agree with the PP who said they know exactly what they're doing

Trouble is, you've done it for so long that they won't appreciate a change, but that can't be helped. Big smile, tell what what you are going to do now and they'll just have to deal with it

ScruffleCake Thu 19-Apr-18 10:14:34

We (my dad and sister) have a monthly dinner night with our Uncles and occasionally they bring their "kids" along. Now us "kids" are all late teens/early 20s there is no way we would ever expect to split the bill in that manner. If an Uncle hasn't bought our cousins along that night then he just pays for his own share. I think you are totally fine to explain to your sister how things have changed now.

(tbh I feel awkward even letting my parents pay for me now I am earning)

Penfold007 Thu 19-Apr-18 10:20:47

We do meals out similar to what OP describes. We divide the bill by number of people then everybody pay their share, in OP's example divide bill by 11 then she pays 2/11ths, sis 4/11ths and 5/11ths. Works for us.

IthinkIsawahairbrushbackthere Thu 19-Apr-18 10:25:31

I've been in the position where my kids are part of a meal. We would split the bill by the number of people but I would pay my kids' share. I wouldn't expect anyone else to pay for my kids.

Willow2017 Thu 19-Apr-18 10:25:54

Wow crafty! They get to take thier kids out for nice meals while you pay for them. Sod that.
Tell them you and dp are only paying for yourselves from now on. No way should you be paying for what are basically other adults meals.

WindDoesNotBreakTheBendyTree Thu 19-Apr-18 10:26:43

YANBU

We have three kids and whenever eating out with friends etc we work out the bill per head not per family.

StaplesCorner Thu 19-Apr-18 10:28:38

Penfold is exactly right - it is as the OP and everyone else has said - once your kids start eating off the adult menu or if they add more than a few pounds to the bill then that's it in imho.

It might be that there is now an 'expectation' in the OP's family that this is how it will be - I started paying for a young cousin when she was a child, now she is nearly 40 with kids of her own and she still expects me to pay! Talk about make a rod for your own back.

TokenBritPoshOfCourse Thu 19-Apr-18 10:30:41

Cheeky gits! I am a huge fan of bill splitting when all things are equal ish (can’t be doing with petty faffing) BUT I can’t imagine having the brass neck to not count the children, especially as mine eat from the adult menu. They count in the split, of course. Four adults and two children means a six way split with one couple paying x4.

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