Roommates, boyfriends and beds

[notactuallyamum1]

Okay, so I'm not really looking for advice more of a rant. The back story is as follows, my current living situation is thus, I have a roommate, we literally share a bedroom the size of a stamp, it's super tiny. Initially this wasn't an issue, however we've both started dating recently.

My DP is one of our neighbours so we can hang out a lot pretty easily and if we want some alone time we can organise it around our respective roommates schedules with relative ease. However we never sleep at each other's houses, mainly because we're both pretty tall so sleeping two people one 5"7 and one 6"1 in a single bed just isn't going to work.

However, my roommates DP is technically homeless (although living on his friends sofa- I know complete catch). So if they want to hang out they always come to our place and end up kicking me out of our room- even if all they want to do is watch a film, they then end up falling asleep and I just feel uncomfortable going to bed in there.

I have tried being assertive about the situation and my roommate gets it, however her DP now just thinks I hate him, I don't- I just really need my sleep.

It's just really getting on my nerves that she gets to sleep in her bed all the time and I end up on our uncomfortable sofa at least twice a week.

Oh and he also brings his dog over which either stays downstairs and annoys me or gets to be closer to my bed than me.

Essentially I'm just fed up and needed a rant

[hammeringinmyhead]

What do you mean she "gets it"? If this hasn’t stopped her kicking you onto the sofa then it means nothing. I think all you can do is speak to both of them and say it's not on having another person you didn't agree to live with in your bedroom. It may get confrontational.

[notactuallyamum1]

She says she understands, I think the my main issue is my DP and I try not to be an nuisance to anyone and I'd like the same respect back

[hammeringinmyhead]

Sorry, I know you weren't looking for advice but the annoyance would build in me til I had to rant to their faces!

[grandplans]

Ideally, you need to look at changing your living situation, it's not working for you any more.

Can you change the front room into a bedroom, so you both have a room each maybe?

Is there any chance of either of you moving out?

[hammeringinmyhead]

But if she understands, why is she still doing it? She lives there, not him.

[brummiesue]

Is this a joke post? For goodness sake grow a backbone and either tell her to pack it in now or move out! What a ridiculous scenario

[grandplans]

Other possible solutions - she buys a more comfortable sofa for you so sleeping in the front room isn't so much of an issue. (Although appreciate you might not want to do this!)

Or - they hang out in the front room while you go to bed.

Or - you set a time you will be coming to bed, instead of waiting for them to notice you need to go to bed, so they know how long they have.

[notactuallyamum1]

Moving out is not an option, our housing is provided by our employer and we live in an area where housing is at a premium.

[Paddybare]

If she truly ‘got it’ she wouldn’t allow the situation to continue. In the nicest possible way OP, you sound like a walkover and your roommate seems to be taking full advantage. Stand up for yourself, put your foot down and tell them both in no uncertain terms that you’ll be sleeping in the room you pay for from now on.

[Rosielily]

Or..... her DP sorts himself out with some decent accommodation so they can both go there..... why should you be inconvenienced!

[grandplans]

Do you really like this job? Sounds a pain to have to share a bedroom with another person. How long do you plan to live like this? Maybe time to start looking for a new job so you can enjoy time with your DP in your own place?

[lottiegarbanzo]

Just tell her no! It's your bed, your bedroom. Overnight guests are not the slightest bit acceptable in this situation.

His living situation is not your problem. If they want to snuggle up together at your place, they ask you first, then they stay on the sofa to watch their films etc. (No actual sex on the sofa obvs, ugh!). They need to get a cheap hotel room for intimate times together.

If your accommodation is provided by your employer, is there any clause about overnight guests in your contract?

[lottiegarbanzo]

And do't expect anyone to notice what you do and reciprocate. people don't operate like that. They follow their own norms or preferences until someone else stops them.

[MapleLeafRag]

Is your employer ok with people staying over in their accommodation?

[NewYearNewMe18]

Sounds like a rather grim people trafficking hot-bed dormitory

[BigGreenOlives]

Does your employer know that a 3rd person is living in the accommodation? I’ve lived in staff accommodation & provided it & I would be really annoyed with someone bringing in an extra person.

[Mummyoflittledragon]

Is it just the two of you living in the place or are you sharing with others?

Tell her straight she needs to find a solution, which doesn’t involve you sleeping in the front room twice a week. It is for her to put up with any inconvenience, not you. Why can’t they drag her mattress into the front room for example?

[TheDowagerCuntess]

The OP isn't looking for advice, she just wants to complain about the situation, while rolling over, and letting her roommate and DP take the absolute piss.

[Loonoon]

When you want to go to bed you walk into the bedroom and say 'you guys need to shift into the living room now - see you tomorrow'.

[expatinscotland]

Then you tell her NO. Not 'try to be assertive' but 'This is my bed and I need to sleep in it.' So what if he doesn't like you? He can get a fucking job and a flatshare. The pair of them are bullies. Rope your own boyfriend into this, too, if need be. She can pull her mattress into the living room or buy a lilo.

[HairyBallTheorem]

His homelessness is not your problem OP. Dob them in to whoever owns the accommodation. (Perhaps with a quick trip to citizens advice first to see what your legal position is regarding accommodation tied to a job and how it differs from renting.)

[TSSDNCOP]

Oh dear god, the homeless deadbeat boyfriend and dog combo, I’ve seen this several times. Never ends well.

The solution (aside from telling them both to fuck right off) is a new sofa bed. If they want to watch a movie and sleep together that’s where they go.

[Whatdoiladymcbeth]

they are being totally unreasonable.

Could you possibly make it so that the living room functions as another bedroom? You could have a bedroom each then and no living room.

[troodiedoo]

Sharing a room? Is that normal? What country are you in OP?

But yeah, put a stop to this shit. They are taking the piss. Hobo boyf can do one.

[AgathaF]

No, just no. He can't stay over twice a week and chuck you out of your bed. So what if he thinks you don't like him.

Get her to drag her bed out into the living area and have that as her room. She can buy a screen for privacy. And given that he's staying over 2/7 of the week, is he chipping in with rent/bills/food etc?

Longer term you need to sort out alternative accommodation.