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AIBU - just found porn on Husband's phone

(850 Posts)
JerryLarryTerryGarry Sun 15-Apr-18 19:03:46

Had lovely family lunch out, DH, myself, DD and DS. Came home, DH has to cut the grass. Leaves his phone with me whilst he does to view new family member photo's, then I find 3 videos and 2 photo's of downloaded stuff that shocked me to the core. Didn't jump down his throat at first as I know his brother has sent him things before that he shouldn't have, but then he freely admitted he had downloaded them and his defence was - It's lesbian porn. Threw a glass of water in his face and shoved him out the door and told him not to return. Does anyone else tolerate porn? I don't even know.

JerryLarryTerryGarry Sun 15-Apr-18 19:33:27

Susanjeffrey1984 - thank you

Zeelove Sun 15-Apr-18 19:33:58

Unless you did it in a play water fight manner (which you didn't), it was violent behaviour

AccidentallyRunToWindsor Sun 15-Apr-18 19:34:01

Yea, I'm calling bullshit troll on this thread.

spanky2 Sun 15-Apr-18 19:34:07

I'm assuming that the porn was legal. What's the problem?

JerryLarryTerryGarry Sun 15-Apr-18 19:35:09

PeapodBurgundy - you are the kind of poster (if that's what it's called) that I am on here to hear from. Thank you

AccidentallyRunToWindsor Sun 15-Apr-18 19:35:24

@mancmummy1414 Nobody wants to grow up to be a porn star I’m sure.

No bugger wants to grow up working in call centre either but shit happens.

Rachie1973 Sun 15-Apr-18 19:35:35

JerryLarryTerryGarry
He said to me "Oh I downloaded that ages ago" I think I am angry that was his excuse, he didn't just say sorry

I don't think it was an 'excuse'. It was an explanation. If so, why would he apologise? He probably isn't sorry to be fair.

Alittlesandwich Sun 15-Apr-18 19:35:56

Ah, but in MN world women are allowed to police " their " menfolk's masturbatory practices in any way they choose but if a man so much as suggests his partner has sex with him more than twice a year he's an abusive rapist.

And so many fail to see the correlation, too...

Mamabear1475 Sun 15-Apr-18 19:35:59

Lol why do you only acknowledge the posters that are on your side and think what you did was fine?

validusername1 Sun 15-Apr-18 19:36:11

Oh my god what a non issue 🙄 total over reaction.
Hopefully your DH leaves you for being so bloody vile and is sat downloading more porn as you speak.
God, what type of example are you setting to those poor children. Get a grip.

Rachie1973 Sun 15-Apr-18 19:36:49

JerryLarryTerryGarry
Zeelove - I don't think you know violence. Don't bother posting again

And I'll bite, stop telling people to stop posting, you have no jurisdiction here. You claim you're a NC, so you know how it works. Post it publicly, deal with the fallout.

JerryLarryTerryGarry Sun 15-Apr-18 19:37:08

AccidentallyruntoWindsor - No. It is actually true. I a looking for people to help AIBU - that's what I want to know. People who don't know me. I'd rather know. I can't tell my friends this tomorrow.

DamsonOnThisDress Sun 15-Apr-18 19:37:51

Do partners tolerate it?

Everyone is different. I watch it. I assume my husband does but tbh it's not something I've asked. If he does I'm fine with it assuming it's not violent/illegal/etc. I wouldn't even refer to it as 'tolerating' - I don't think it's always a Terrible Thing.

Some others feel very differently. Judging by your reaction I'm thinking you're not ok with it?

You need to decide what's acceptable for you and talk to him about it.

If my husband threw anything at me for watching it I'm afraid he'd been out of here with a flea in his ear.

If he's willing to hear you out I hope you can sort out between you what's acceptable or not.

Susanjeffery1984 Sun 15-Apr-18 19:38:06

@Zeelove 🤣
I am struggling to understand how a splash of water is violent, I really am!
You must have a very placid relationship. Jaysus. I see more violence at the Next sale!

Aquamarine1029 Sun 15-Apr-18 19:38:26

So you're contemplating ending your marriage because of a bit of lesbian porn? You actually threw him out of his own home because of this? Wow.

Alittlesandwich Sun 15-Apr-18 19:38:46

Oh, Okay I'll help.

Your'e an over reacting, abusive, probably uptight and unimaginative , controlling person.

HTH.

Serialweightwatcher Sun 15-Apr-18 19:39:03

I would have been really upset too and probably reacted in the same way

JerryLarryTerryGarry Sun 15-Apr-18 19:39:28

Alittlesandwich - I wasn't saying he can't look at porn, just the situation and his reaction (and mine by some accounts) was a little shocking

AccidentallyRunToWindsor Sun 15-Apr-18 19:40:13

On the outrageous possibility this is real Then yes, YABU, and hysterical- chucking water in your husbands face is a great example to set your kids eh?

However I doubt your a NC, your terminology is all off for a regular poster. Troll off and clutch your pearls elsewhere.

NameChangr678 Sun 15-Apr-18 19:40:24

Jesus, I watch porn every time my partner goes out to football practise! It's not illegal nor cheating!

Also, you assaulted him.

To everyone saying "yeah u go gurl" - imagine if the genders were flipped in this thread! "My wife watched porn so I threw water at her and chucked her out". People would be calling the fucking police!

JerryLarryTerryGarry Sun 15-Apr-18 19:40:29

serialweightwatcher - thank you

Coolaschmoola Sun 15-Apr-18 19:40:29

Why do you think he should say sorry?

ConciseandNice Sun 15-Apr-18 19:40:53

OK YABU. YABVU you assaulted your husband over him watching lesbian porn. This is pretty awful. I agree as a feminist that porn is a dubious and debatable industry, but your reaction was over-the-top and wrong. If I watched porn, which I have, I’d be very upset if my husband assaulted me about it or pushed me out the door. You’re insecure at best, obnoxious at worst.

validusername1 Sun 15-Apr-18 19:41:05

I can't believe some people actually think it's ok for the OP to chuck water at her DH and then throw him out of his home and those people who think it's out of order must have a very placid marriage 🙄
Maybe those people just know how to act like an adult and wouldn't dream of abusing their OH but hey ho

Zeelove Sun 15-Apr-18 19:41:32

Maybe I'm wrong about throwing water aggressively being violent. Just me personally, I think it's an extremely humiliating thing to do to someone. I suppose you could say the op felt humiliated but finding what she found but to me that is her problem.
Would you aggressively throw water on your child... parents... if they did something you didn't like?

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