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AIBU?

MIL preference is killing me

151 replies

Gingerbreadlattes · 10/04/2018 10:36

MIL prefers DS over DD, it’s no secret that she gets on with men better than women and likes boys over girls. Hence why I’ve never really had a relationship with her, nor does her daughters and other granddaughters. She puts no effort in having relationships with her children and grandchildren. She believes the sun shines out of my DHs arse, her only son. She adores my DS, and mainly ignores my DD. It’s soul destroying to see my little girl sat there in the corner and watch her brother get all the attention from MIL.

Heres some of the things she does.

1. Sometimes when she comes to the house and DD is standing at the door she will walk past DD to go find DS
2. Will sit on the sofa with DS, arms around him and ask him what toys he want on Argos website while DD is sat on the other side of the sofa and just staring at them.
3. I’ve caught her many times kiss DH and DS goodbye, and turn her back to DD even though both DC are standing next to each other. She will literally sometimes call DS over for a kiss while she’s next to the front door, and not DD.
4. Went on holiday and sent a text to DH about the things she bought for DS, no mention of DD.

I get that you can’t help who you love most, but does it have to be so obvious? It’s gone to the point now where 9 out of 10 times when MIL comes round, DD doesn’t want to be around her and just follows me around the house. She hasn’t said she doesn’t want to be around her, but when I ask her to go sit down in the living room with MIL and DS, she says no I don’t want to.

Please tell me this is not normal and I’m not overreacting?

My DC are 4 and 5.

OP posts:

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firstworldproblems2018 · 10/04/2018 10:37

That is absolutely terrible. What does your DH say about it?!

ZigZagIntoTheBlue · 10/04/2018 10:39

This isn't normal. I'd not let her be around ds if she can't behave the same around dd, what does dh say about it all?

Sammysees · 10/04/2018 10:40

That is heart breaking for your dd. Is your dh there when this goes on? Does he not see what is happening?

Inertia · 10/04/2018 10:41

I wouldn’t let her see them until she can treat them both fairly. That sort of blatant favouritism is absolute poison for the self-esteem of both of the children, and it sets up a totally unhealthy dynamic in the sibling relationship.

ijustwannadance · 10/04/2018 10:41

Has anyone called her out on it?
Your poor DD.
I'd tell her she was no longer welcome in my bloody house.

CuriousMama · 10/04/2018 10:42

Of course it isn't normal. Neither is you and dh allowing this.

Aprilmightmemynewname · 10/04/2018 10:42

As a dm you need to stop her visits and protect both of your dc. Their relationship with you and each other is more important than anything she adds to their lives. Tell your dh he is welcome to see her away from your home but she isn't welcome and won't be seeing your dc at all. It's non negotiable.

ZeroFuchsGiven · 10/04/2018 10:42

Fuck that shit, Why haven't you or your dh said something to her?

Grumblepants · 10/04/2018 10:42

I don't normally say this but I would cut contact. Don't allow the woman in your house! I couldn't watch my child being hurt like that all the time. What effect will this have on her as she's growing up? She may just start to believe she's not good enough to be loved or resent her brother for the attention he gets and that will detrimental to their relationship.
Cut her out!

Namechangemum100 · 10/04/2018 10:42

This is not normal and utterly disgusting behaviour.

In your position I would be telling mil that if she doesn't start treating them as equals as of yesterday then she won't be seeing either of them anymore.

It emotionally abusive towards your dd (on your mils part not yours) and completely unacceptable.

RepealMay25th · 10/04/2018 10:43

It’s soul destroying to see my little girl sat there in the corner and watch her brother get all the attention from MIL

Then you don't let her be around either of them.

Outlookmainlyfair · 10/04/2018 10:44

That is awful! Realistically it is for your DH to pull her up on it.
Ultimately it will be her loss, but that must be small compensation at the moment.

MoistCantaloupe · 10/04/2018 10:44

She sounds awful. One of my pet hates is women who say they 'prefer the company of men', 'just get on so much better with men'. People are all different, it's ridiculous.

What does your DH say about it? I'm not sure I would want her to keep coming round so often if she is making my DD feel so bad. You are not overreacting - your DH, or both of you together, need to chat with her about it. Your poor little girl.

StylishMummy · 10/04/2018 10:44

I'd stop all contact, what a nasty bitch!

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 10/04/2018 10:45

That's really hurtful for your DD.
I'm guessing you've not brought it up with her? What does DH say?

Honestly in your shoes I wouldn't be keeping quiet about this.

stitchglitched · 10/04/2018 10:46

I don't understand why you or your DH are continuing to allow your DD to be subjected to this.

Trinity66 · 10/04/2018 10:48

What a horrible woman. I'm also interested in your DHs thoughts on this and how he allows his mother to treat his daughter that way.

greendale17 · 10/04/2018 10:48

I wouldn’t allow her to see any of the children.

Her behaviour is not normal and is disturbing

BubblesAndSquarks · 10/04/2018 10:48

You need to stop her being around the DC.
Your poor DD it needs stopping now before shes at an age to remember and wonder why shes less important/lovable than her brother.

GandalfsWrinklyHat · 10/04/2018 10:49

I would stop all contact with both children. It is going to cause emotional problems for both of them in the lond run, in a way she is emotionally abusing both.
What does your husband say about this?

BakedBeans47 · 10/04/2018 10:49

Horrible woman

What does your husband think?

MonkeysMummy17 · 10/04/2018 10:50

It's awful that she is so blatant and disregarding of your DD. Honestly, I wouldn't let her see either of them unless she can agree she will treat them equally, and if she can't treat them equally you should make sure their life doesn't involve her. Neither child will benefit from that kind of attention

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bonnyshide · 10/04/2018 10:50

I wouldn't have her around my children. That's very damaging to poor DD.

ItsAllABitStrangeReally · 10/04/2018 10:51

You need to stop all contact.

It really is as simple as that.

Let your dh visit but I would not have that poisonous bitch anywhere near my children.

lattewith3shotsplease · 10/04/2018 10:51

OP,
Do not allow this to continue.
Just because the rest of the family allow it.......can they not see the damage this will do has done to the girls in the family.

She should be ashamed to call her self a Grandmother.

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