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Looking after DPs exes new baby.

(176 Posts)
CupofFrothyCoffee Tue 03-Apr-18 15:55:01

DP has been split from his ex for years, they have 2 DC together who we have for weekends and holidays, they are 11 and 9. DP and I don't have any children together and don't want any more. I have 1 DC from a previous marriage, aged 8

His ex met her new partner about a year ago and is now pregnant, due next month. She works full-time as does her partner. When she told my DP about the new baby, she said "obviously we might need some help with child-care, it'd be much appreciated". DP thought she was joking and said "Oh our baby days are long gone but congratulations" and she said "Oh but you'll be having X and Y anyway so..." and it was left at that, as DP was a bit stunned and speechless.

Now, that is strange isn't it? Of course this is not an option is it? It's cheeky isn't it? I know she doesn't mean every time we have the older 2 kids but I think she thinks if she's stuck we can take new baby. AIBU to think it's a bit weird?

RaeNoctem Sun 27-Jan-19 01:16:26

This post only just came up for me, didn't immediately realise it was an old post. I wasn't searching, just giving opinion @slashlover

Jimdandy Sat 29-Dec-18 23:58:47

I think she was rude and presumptuous the way she went about it.

I wouldn’t like to have been used for free childcare so she can have a break or go gallivanting on a regular basis, but emergencies, funerals or one off hospital appointments or whatever I’d do a favour if I was on good terms with her. Like I would for any friend.

abbsisspartacus Sat 29-Dec-18 23:41:41

It's the holidays 🤷‍♀️

blackteasplease Sat 29-Dec-18 22:44:07

Why so many old threads resurrected today?

Cherries101 Sat 29-Dec-18 22:33:01

Just tell her that if she tries to drop the baby off with the other kids, you’ll tell the police the baby was abandoned. Be firm.

PatMustardsMoustache Sat 29-Dec-18 22:06:49

Ok, so this one is complicated...

EXDH and I have 2 DC
He remarried and his DW already had 2 DC
I went on to have another DC with my DP
EXDH divorces again
His EXDW goes on to have another DC with her new DP.

I will willingly have her 3 DC and vice a versa, we see them weekly.

Occasionally my 3 DC will go to EXDH.
However her 3 will not go to him.


Singlenotsingle Sat 29-Dec-18 21:51:49

biscuit for her, not you.

AWishForWingsThatWork Sat 29-Dec-18 21:48:24


While I hope the baby arrived safely and is healthy, it is certainly not your or your DH's responsibility to provide childcare! Hope you have stood your reasonable ground!

Holidayshopping Sat 29-Dec-18 21:45:26

I presume she’s had the baby now.

Can we have an update @CupofFrothyCoffee

Skittlesandbeer Sat 29-Dec-18 21:40:23

Your DP’s ex has clearly enjoyed her free time in the past, when the kids stay with you. She’s only just done the maths that she’ll be shackled to a baby again, and doesn’t like it. She’s holding onto the last shreds of denial, as she watches those cafe dates, weekends away, romantic afternoons drift away...

You have to admit, it was a pretty creative way of trying to keep hold of her old life... hilarious! Perhaps you should offer to look after the baby yourself, at her house. That would keep down the mess, while the older kids stay at yours with their dad, and give you the chance to do a bit of housework for them at the same time. grin

colorao Sat 29-Dec-18 21:34:38

I used to go on holidays to my older half sister's house. My dad and his ex wife married very young (at a time when they were expected to because she fell pregnant). My dad's ex wife always treated me like one of the family and my DC have a relationship with her and her DH. I think it depends on the dynamics, my dad and his ex wife split on good terms. I never thought it was a weird set up until a friend at secondary school was gobsmacked that I was off to stay at my sister's for Easter.

However, I don't think my parents ever expected dad's ex wife to provide childcare, they just ALL wanted us as siblings to have a close relationship. There is 13 years between us also.

I do think in your scenario she is a CF to expect childcare.

Lookatyourwatchnow Sat 29-Dec-18 21:33:08

Come back OP!

Tiny2018 Sat 29-Dec-18 21:28:47

Good God OP, this is absolute madness.
I can't even comprehend how anyone would find this to be acceptable x

abbsisspartacus Sat 29-Dec-18 21:21:37

The mirror published this it popped up in my newsreels today!

slashlover Sat 29-Dec-18 21:19:34

I don't understand how people find and then think it's a good idea to reply to old threads. What was @RaeNoctem searching for?

Giraffey1 Sat 29-Dec-18 21:17:03

Wonder what happened, perhaps the OP can come back and update us!

Bertiebitch32 Sat 29-Dec-18 21:16:22

I know this thread has been resurrected but what a cf your dh ex is ! I'd be laughing in her face if she said that and I'd act if it was a joke

slashlover Sat 29-Dec-18 21:14:23

Come and update us OP!
Has she had the baby yet?

This was posted 9 months ago so probably!

YearOfYouRemember Sat 29-Dec-18 21:12:40

@CupOfFrothyCoffee - someone brought this thread up again. Has the baby been born yet? Have you babysat?!

caringcarer Sat 29-Dec-18 21:09:34

My sister occasionally looks after her ex dil's new baby with new partner at same time she takes her own 2 dgc. She kept friendly with ex dil as she was worried she would be denied access to her dgc. Then when ex dil got pregnant from cheating on my nephew and they subsequently split up my dsis has on occasion looked after new baby. Her view is it is not the baby fault and if her ex dil does not work she will expect more child support from my nephew. On one occasion when my dsis was going to have all 3 but had to go to funeral I stepped in and looked after all 3. Not a big deal. It is only occasional.

jessstan2 Sat 29-Dec-18 21:08:31

She obviously thinks of you as friends, I doubt she meant you should have her baby all the time but she may ask you to mind her occasionally. The baby will be related to the other children after all.

Don't take it too seriously but be prepared to look after the new baby sometimes, it will be nice for the other kids.

HidingFromMyKids Sat 29-Dec-18 21:08:18

Come and update us OP!
Has she had the baby yet?
Have you looked after the baby? grin

currentcake Sat 29-Dec-18 21:06:17

That is some serious baby brain going on there the mad cow

bifflediffle Sat 29-Dec-18 21:02:56

Zombie 🧟‍♂️

CripsSandwiches Sat 29-Dec-18 21:01:06

I don't even think there's any need for you to even occasionally take the baby (especially as she's obviously a massive piss-taker). The age difference is so huge it's not like the kids will be interested in the same activities so you'll probably have one of you occupied with the baby while everyone else does bowling or whatever.

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