to not allow our DS to have a smart phone (secondary school age)

[snowdropsrout]

DS goes to secondary school in Sep. Doesn't have a smart phone at moment in Yr6 . We were thinking 'big school' was the time we'd give in and let him have one. However, he seems prone to bullying/being picked on in school already. We are worried about what will happen when he delves into the cesspit of social media. Do all year 7s have smart phones? Do any/many parents not let their DC have them? Do kids get picked on/left out for not having one? I'm assuming yes! When I see things like this below it really scares me. Its been bad enough with 'ordinary' bullying sad

//www.facebook.com/Ninecomau/videos/1750109161694755/?hc_ref=ARRvFV3xEeF-c4QabAqL29K_tPcBTso8j0r52NJT1TrpkSdcKrEAOe8Eng3-oDgivS8&pnref=story

[MammaH2018]

Even if he had one, surely he wouldn’t be taking it to school with him?! So who would know if he had one??
Do you allow him to have social media accounts at the moment using a PC?
I imagine it is likely something that kids all have/talk about and there is probably a stigma if you don’t have one/don’t have the “right” kind (same thing as when we were in school and you would be ostriciced if you were wearing the “wrong” trainers)
If he’s prone to being the victim of bullies then I would be looking at ways to help with this frankly. Building his confidence, helping him with the skills he needs to stick up for himself.

[CadyHeron]

Mine never had a smart phone, or indeed any phone at all until going to secondary school at the age of 11.
Just no need.
Never had any social media accounts until 13 when asked for one so shouldn't be a problem at 11 as they shouldn't have one anyway.

[YerAuntFanny]

My DS is 11, been bullied to the point of moving schools 2 years ago and is currently under guidance of child mental health services as a result.

We got him a cheap smart phone 3 months ago, he had a cheap brick phone before that which he used to contact me enroute to/from school if needed. They have to hand them in to the teacher each morning and when his was spotted amongst the iPhones/galaxy phones he had the piss taken and "lost" it a few days later.

His is still not a fancy phone (£49 Moto C) but it seems to fit in more although he still gets comments. He watches YouTube, sends WhatsApp messages to family and plays the odd game and we have an understanding that I can go through the phone as/when and that he MUST tell me if he'd like to set up social media accounts to ensure maximum privacy etc but thankfully he has no interest in that area for now.

[Lalliella]

I have children in years 10 and 7 and would say that pretty much 95% of kids in y7 have them. I think your DS would feel left out if he didn’t. They set up groups on Instagram and WhatsApp to chat. If you’re worried, you can get the same account set up on your iPad to monitor what goes on in the chat group. It’s natural to worry about social media, and there’s a lot of horror stories, but I’m afraid at that age they all want to be in with their mates, and that means having a smart phone.

We bought them before leaving y6 so that our kids could collect contact details for kids going to different schools, and for their new friends on moving up day.

[snowdropsrout]

He doesn't have social media accounts at the moment. Its the social media we're worried about generally - not having a phone on the school premises. We are already taking action around him being picked on but he's possibly always going to be prone to it as he's a "lovely boy but a bit quirky and not the typical year 6" (his teachers words) . He seems a bit too 'nice'compared to his more street wise peers. He is confident and outgoing despite the 'cool kids' at school (his words) not letting him join in with games etc he wants to be part of. I just want to get a sense of that age group and smart phones. Do many NOT have them? I've assumed teenagers mostly use socal media on phones from what I see myself and in the media but maybe thats not the case?

[YerAuntFanny]

The thing is if his friends are all on social media they will know how to set it up and he will find a way to do it.

It's not really an issue for us at the moment as quite frankly, my DS doesnt have any friends, and he trusts no one enough to even give out his mobile number as he is himself anxious about "virtual bullying".

I'd rather give him the necessary tools and try to soothe that anxiety by giving him control and support in knowing that he can do these things but I will oversee them to ensure they're as safe as can be.

[YerAuntFanny]

With that said I've had a mobile since I was 10 so it's a normal thing for me I suppose.

[MilkTwoSugarsThanks]

Most children at secondary have smart phones and do most of their socialising using them even if its organising meet ups on group chats. Your son may well get left out if he's not able to access that facility.

Also, some schools use apps for homework. DS can, for example, check his homework app and pick up his ingredients for cookery on his way home.

DS has had a smart phone since Yr6 but we have an agreement that I can periodically check it. I have found evidence of him being picked on and was able to deal with it with that evidence, and I was able to come down hard on DS the one time I saw evidence of him doing likewise.

Generally I think if a child is potentially vulnerable to get picked on, making them different from their peers exacerbates the problem. The key is checking the phone and social media accounts regularly.

[CadyHeron]

With that said I've had a mobile since I was 10 so it's a normal thing for me I suppose.

Now,see,that just makes me feel old as mobiles really weren't available late 80s for kids, I'm in denial and mobiles since the age of 10 on a parenting site.... just noooooo

[Dixiestampsagain]

My son is going to secondary school in September. He has no interest in a phone but I’ll give him my old one, as I don’t want him to be the jbky one without one. However, he has no interest in social media (plus he won’t be 13 until the very end of year 8, which is the age for Facebook etc). I’m not worried about it being a problem. If you are worried, make sure you monitor everything on the phone.

[Ski40]

My daughter starts year 7 in September. I have already told her she is going to get a "dumb" phone for texting and calling and a smartphone when she is a bit older. I will make sure she is ready for it before I trust her unsupervised on the internet. I didn't have one until a few years ago and I'm 43- and it didn't kill me...😁

[YerAuntFanny]

@CadyHeron I'm 31! Plenty old enough to be on a parenting site 😂

[HicDraconis]

My boys (11 and 10) both have smartphones but that’s because I wasn’t happy with them walking to/from school alone without one. They’re smartphones because they are mine and DH’s old ones and it was cheaper to put a payg SIM card in. When we upgrade they’ll get our current ones.

Neither use social media particularly. We have a family WhatsApp group that they use to message us, they have a few games that they play, they text family in the UK every now and again. Neither are old enough for Facebook or Instagram or Snapchat and neither of them are showing much interest in them. DS1 in particular is quite wary of Facebook and has made it clear he doesn’t want me to post any images of him to my page (my settings are as locked down as they get) while DS2 often asks me to post his activities. Their schoolmates all have phones but nobody seems to use them much.

[claraschu]

Without a phone he will get left out. Unfortunately children's social life is all organised by phone these days. You can't fight that in a mainstream school- that is just the way it is.

I hate phones (don't have one myself) but I was forced to realise that my daughter had to have one if she wanted to have friends.

[claraschu]

Oh I meant to add that kids don't use Facebook, email, or texts (at least in our neck of the woods); they use SnapChat Whatsap and Instagram, last I heard.

[NaughtToThreeSadOnions]

@yerAuntFanny I'm 37 and I'm with cody on this one, the thought of some one having a mobile at 10 makes me feel old, sorry even doing my GCSE's no one had mobile phones, so you'd have been 7/8. I'm not sure teachers had them, I certainly don't remember any one at my high school having one.

I got my first when I was 18, that was a little philips savvy pay as you go when pay as you go first came out.

I suppose it shows how quickly the market moved in 6 years but I actually didn't think it moved that quickly

[scifisam]

If potential bullying is your main reason for not letting him have one then remember that he can also contact his actual friends via his smartphone. Social media can be really good for kids who don't do so well with their peers in person.

And because he's young it's reasonable to tell him that you need to know his password to the phone and social media so that you can double check if need be, but make that an agreement where you'll only do that in front of him, not in secret, and stick to that.

Odds are he'll just use the phone for youtube videos and taking photos of cats, like we all do.

[YerAuntFanny]

My phone was a huge Eriksson thing with a solid rubber aerial, my Dad was a Sales Manager type so I think it may have been his old company phone as that's what I always had when he upgraded.

He was the only person I knew with a mobile until I was 12/13 when everyone in school had the Nokia 3210 (I loved that phone!)

[lifechangesforever]

Another here that has had a phone since being 10 (29 now). Granted, it wasn't a smartphone as they didn't exist but I can't imagine not letting a child in high school have a phone at all, simply for safety reasons.

Maybe get a phone that allows very little data but means he can access WhatsApp as well as text messaging, as kids will often create group chats on there. You can check his phone to see if Facebook etc. Are installed. Must admit, the thoughts of growing up with social media scare me, I hope it's all blown over by the time DD starts high school (wishful thinking!)

[blaaake]

Actually I think you'd exclude him further by not getting him a good phone, if you can afford one. He doesn't have to add people he doesn't like, only his friends, and it's the main way kids that age communicate. I'd get him an iPhone se at least, as it has all the basics and is still considered as a 'good' phone

[BusyBeez99]

My DS12 has a smart phone when starting year 7 last year. TBH he uses it to text me and also play games on apps. He very rarely texts friends (and they done either) and isn't on any social media or WhatsApp. However some kids are constantly texting I believe. Depends on your child I suppose. Guess I've been lucky that he doesn't want social media. (I too was worried BTW before he started year 7 about bullying on phones but touch wood so far so good)

[BusyBeez99]

And they don't I meant not done

[AuntieStella]

When DS1 went up to secondary, hardly any pupils had smart phones (at all, let alone in year 7). For DS2, there were plenty further up the school, and a good number in yr7.

By DD, near every joining year 7 had one. The numbers who had brick phones were small ( I knew of only 3) and they had been told by parents they had to have a brick and look after it for a set period before upgrade.

[TheSnowFairy]

Yes, practically every student in Year 7 will have a phone. I want to say 100% do but am sure the parents of the one person who doesn't will post

[LoniceraJaponica]

I'm inclined to agree with most posters that not having a smart(ish) phone could be counter productive.

DD started secondary school in 2011, and had a basic PAYG Nokia. By the time she has been there a few weeks she was getting through so many texts it didn't make sense to have PAYG, so we bought her a Blackberry lookalike made by Huawei, and put her on a contract. She massively went over the number of texts so we changed her contract to increase the number of texts. It had been clear, even then, that most year 7s had smart phones.

Technology has moved on since then and I would advise buying a cheap brand smart phone outright and getting a monthly contract SIM card so you can change the terms whenever you need to. GiffGaff SIM only deals start from £5 a month.