To ask about name change experiences?

[TwitterThread3]

I’m taking the massive step of changing my full name, getting a new passport/license and updating my name everywhere. I have always hated it (it’s a weird name) - it doesn’t suit me and I feel uncomfortable introducing myself under that name. It just doesn’t feel like ‘me’. I also have a shit, abusive family and want to completely detach myself from them too.

Most of my friends, even acquaintances, know I hate my name. So it won’t be a suprise that I’m changing my first name, but might be once people find out that I’m changing my full name. I almost feel awkward reintroducing myself to people I know? Did anyone else feel like this? I even feel a bit awkward going to work/bank/doctors etc and showing them my deed poll and new name. I just feel anxious that they’ll find it weird but it’s something I need to do.

So I just wanted to see what your experiences of changing you name (forename or surname) were like? Am I over thinking this and it won’t be as weird as in my head? Did people get used to the change? Were there any difficult experiences such as getting references in your old name? Thanks

[NellMangel]

No experience of this but if I knew someone that did this I would just think "good for you" and accept it.

Try not to overthink other people's possible reactions and focus on the reasons that make it important to you.

[Sparklesocks]

I haven’t had much experience of this but if I had a friend who I knew hated their name for ages and they told me they’d legally changed it, it wouldn’t surprise me!

Your friends etc will support you and any professional people you interact with (doctors/bankers etc) most likely won’t bat an eyelid.

There’s a lot of admin associated with name changing so nobody goes into it lightly, people understand that and will support your choice. This about you after all, not other people.

Good luck with the change!

[tiredbutFuckIt]

I did it years ago, it was fine. Lots of people do this, it’s not uncommon I’ve come across it a lot checking ID’s/references.
You may occasionally need to tell people your old name (like for work references) but to be honest after a long time you forget you had a different name. My new name is just so “me” it fits me well, like Cinderella’s glass slipper...it’s weird to think that some people I know have never known my old name!

[TwitterThread3]

Thanks for your replies everyone very reassuring!

[LittleGreenBranch]

I changed my first name 3 years ago. I am 24 now. It was not sudden as such because half of my friends called me one thing and half another but it took sometime for people to warm to the idea if they had known me as a child. We had a signing ceremony at our local and it was honestly the best thing I ever did. My parents are coming round to it but I take a relaxed attitude with them and some others as to what I’m called and I’ve found that’s eased any tension. Introduce yourself to new people as your new name and ask your friends and family to respect your wishes. If you want any advice on how to go about it private message me and I’ll help you through it. It’s your life and if you’re not happy make the change because it might make a world of difference x

[LittleGreenBranch]

Apologies did not see the section about family situation ignore that part - ask your friends to respect your wishes xx

[LittleGreenBranch]

And no issue with references so far x

[lalalalyra]

I changed my first name when I was 14. I wish I'd changed my surname, but I lived with my paternal grandparents and I was trying to channel a "This is Grandad's name, not Dad's". My parents were abusive as well, and lumbered me with a fucking ridiculous first name. Thankfully they gave me (thanks to my Nana) a slightly unusual, but normal middle name.

It's weird at first. And, imo, you do have to excuse people for slipping up every now and again - especially those that have known you for a long time.

I felt a bit daft going back to school and being all "I'm not stupidname now, I'm yname", but everyone was really supportive. Most people knew why I'd changed and that helped.

I've never had any issues with references either.

[200steps]

I changed my first name at 29, best thing I ever did. I have new passport, driving licence etc. Only negative is my children’s birth certificate have my old name listed under ‘mother’ which can’t be changed

[babba2014]

Argh I feel messed up with my name. I'd love for any advice.
I want to drop my first name. I absolutely dislike it and my family always called me by my middle name. The first name was just to match other family names.

I haven't had a registry with my OH yet. He wants to drop his surname as it's more unusual than my first name. How fun!

Seems like a headache though. We have our two kids. Do we need to get their birth certificates changed or anything?

I like my surname but I'm happy for us to get our name situation sorted and then I become Mrs Whatever his new surname is. I don't want his current surname and nor does he.

My kids don't have any of our surnames! We were so confused with DD that when we were told we could come up with a new surname, we jumped right on it. And whilst it is a lovely surname, it doesn't go with mine or OH's name. What a mess.

We could all stay as we are or we could go through a whole thing and then be more content with our names and all having the same surname.

We haven't been abroad yet so it does concern me about getting stopped as it's happened to so many people. I know we just take our documents but I'm tired of fuss but I'm also tired of being called by my first name and forgetting it's me or being annoyed at something so silly.

Where do I start? I'm not sure what forms I need.

Basically the plan was to find OH a nice simple surname. Change our kids surnames and then we have our registry and I join with the surname.
But before all that I need to drop my first name too.

Yes, it is a mess but I truly love our kids names as they are although having the same family surname would be nice.

[Catinthecorner]

I know at least three people who’ve done this. Pretty normal in my view.

[Catinthecorner]

@babba2014 assuming the kids are his birth children you re-register them when you marry anyway as they then become legitimate (in the ye olde legal sense).

So you drop your first name pre wedding and husband picks either a new surname, child’s surname or your surname.

If new or child’s you change your name on marriage and register the kids in that name.

If yours he changes his name on marriage and you register the kids in that name.

[babba2014]

Wow I didn't know that. Thanks @Catinthecorner

I'm not sure if I misunderstood though. Are you saying he can choose a new surname altogether at the registry, so no need to do the whole deed poll thing? And we can all adopt that surname too?

Yes they are his kids too.

[lalalalyra]

Your husband will likely need to do a deed poll. Tehcnically he doesn't have too (no-one does), but it makes life much easier.

So if he does that pre-marriage then once you marry your name, and the children if you re-register them as children of the marriage, can be changed without the need for any deed polls. You'll use your marriage certificate and the kids will have new birth certificate (which you will need to pay for).

You might be better with a deed poll for changing your first name pre-wedding if you want to make it a smoother transition.

[lalalalyra]

Re the kids names though - don't think that will stop you being stopped going abroad. That generally isn't only name related. I've been stopped as many times with my younger kids, who I share a name with, as my elder kids who have their Dad's name.

[tiredbutFuckIt]

You can do deed poll, I did statutory declaration as I was young and it was simple to do ie I didn’t yet have a passport, wasn’t on the electoral roll etc. I signed papers at a solicitors. I have the certificate and I keep that with my exam certificates. So if I start a new job and they want to see my GCSE’s, which is never, I have it there to show why my name is different. And you can change any part of your name when you get married!

[BlackandWhitePostcards]

I have a friend who did this op, she just announced it on Facebook, obviously she’s not Facebook friends with every single person she knows but it certainly helped to spread the word. She wrote a little bit about why she’d changed her name - she just said that she didn’t like her original name and didn’t feel it was ‘her’ and has been known by the new name for so long she wanted to make it official. If people referred to her as her original name she just politely reminded them that she’d changed it. She did a follow up Facebook post a few months later to remind people too. Since then she hasn’t had anyone call her by her old name.
No one as far as I know thought it weird or anything. I can totally understand why you’d want to change a name you werent happy with.

[OrangeTea]

It's easy. I've changed my surname once by deedpoll. Then DH and I got married and we decided to merge our surnames. Since I was doing another deepoll anyway I decided to change my first name to the short version I always use and my middle name while I was there because it meant nothing to me. So the second deedpoll was first, middle and last.

Very easy. They give you sample letters to send, and you can get certified copies, I used these for driving license, passport and bank.

[TwitterThread3]

Really enjoying reading about your experiences - hopefully my name transition goes as well

Could anyone advise on what to change first? I’m about to complete my passport renewal online but I need a supporting document like a payslip or council letter in my new name.... but I can’t change my legal name at work until I have new id so I’m stuck on what to send. Would it be best get a new driving license first and send that to the passport office as a supporting document?

[DN4GeekinDerby]

I used a statutory declaration deed poll (required for a US passport, they're much stricter on name changes) to entirely change my name and first changed at the bank and HMRC to update my National Insurance and other information. I found having those work well good evidence for other places.

HMRC was easy, did it online and they sent out new paperwork with the new name, banks I had to go in and stand around for a bit with my evidence as things needed to be checked a few times (I seemed to have gone in during trainee season). I had no issue with the bank account being in one name for things being paid in another though I was told that it was a possibility - I think with most things by codes digitally these days that the name isn't as important. I imagine a driver's license would also work well.

[TeddyBee]

I changed my full name 19 years ago - it’s been my name longer than my birth name. Was fine, although in retrospect I feel like a shit for changing the name my parents gave me (no issues with them though, just hated the ubiquitous short form of my birth name), but otherwise I don’t regret it particularly.

[OrangeTea]

TeddyBee Don't feel like a shit. I asked my Dad when I changed my names if he minded. He said 'The moment we gave them to you they were yours to do whatever you wanted with them'

[babba2014]

Thanks for all of your replies and sorry OP for taking away from your post too.
I didn't realise it was so easy. Better get surname searching then :)

[Unktious]

One of my daughters doesn’t much like her name. It’s a normal nice name but it just isn’t her cup of tea. I’ve told her she should think about changing it if she wants. It’s onl6 a name and the sooner the better. She is in her early 20’s and I don’t see th3 point of having a name you don’t like.
I don’t like my surname. It’s my husbands name and the only good thing about it was that it was marginally better than my maiden name. 😂. I really wished we had chosen a new family surname when we got married. We could have chosen something fantastic.

[TwitterThread3]

Thanks for all your replies. I am 21 so a similar age to your daughter Unktious. It’s so lovely that you’re so supportive of her!

No worries babba2014. We can change names together

I have an appointment with a solicitor tomorrow morning to get my documents witnessed. Will then take those to my banks and get my name updated, hopefully print off a statement in my new name whilst I’m there so I can send that off to the Passport Office tomorrow too. Didn’t realise it was all quite so simple!

The tricky part of introducing myself as my new name begins now