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AIBU?

To want to leave DH and be reckless?

225 replies

AshiBarai · 23/03/2018 22:42

DH and I have been married 2 years, together for 6. He's 10 years older than me (he's 46). We both have two kids each to previous relationships.

I'm bored. We have regimented sex one day a week. We do nothing else together other than watch TV and go on holiday twice a year.

More and more recently I daydream about leaving him, buying a "do-er-up-er and basically just having fun. Casual relationships, travelling, new experiences, meeting new people shagging around ... just being free. I'm 36 and I'm so fucking bored and frustrated. DH is fast asleep next to me as I type this. We live in a "posh" detached 4 bedroomed house on private estate - I picture myself on my own in a terraced victorian house wondering if I'll be getting laid at the weekend.

I'm scared. I'm a nurse, I work with old people and they always tell me "follow your instincts while you still have them" - my instincts are telling me to sack off this marriage and sensible persona and go back to being free and reckless. We only live once. What the fuck do I do?

OP posts:
Curiousaboutchoices · 23/03/2018 22:44

Where do your kids fit into this plan?

AshiBarai · 23/03/2018 22:47

They're adults almost. DS1 leaves home in July and DS2 is 17

OP posts:
NewYearNewMe18 · 23/03/2018 22:48

What attracted you to him in the first place? And can it be regained?

TakemedowntoPotatoCity · 23/03/2018 22:50

After just 2 years this hardly bodes well, does it?

Curiousaboutchoices · 23/03/2018 22:51

Sounds like you’ve not really had your wild years yet as you had kids so young. I get that. Grass isn’t always greener though, that sleeping around lifestyle might suit in your hedonistic 20s but it is pretty grim in your late 30s.

mancmummy1414 · 23/03/2018 22:52

Do you love him?
I have done the travelling, shagging around, being reckless etc and as such I have had to sacrifice financial stability which is something I would love now I am married with children. I will be at least ten years your senior before I can ever dream of living in a posh, four bedroom detached house. Grass isn’t always greener is all I will say.
But if you do decide to go for it, good luck! Never know unless you find out and all that Grin

AshiBarai · 23/03/2018 22:52

In the beginning he was fun, we went out almost every weekend, were shagging like rabbits and it all seemed so exciting. Now he has no sex drive at all, I come on to him every Sunday morning as it's the only time I'm in with a chance. I'm sexually frustrated. He doesn't understand or doesn't care. He always "too tired" to do anything. The money and house mean fuck all to me now, I just want to have fun, to feel wanted, desired, sexual - I want excitement back ... I feel I'm too young to be living like this, sat on the sofa on a Friday night, watching tv, him fast asleep ... I just want to book a one way ticket to New York and fuck everyone off

OP posts:
calmandbright · 23/03/2018 22:53

I did this. I could be you 5 years ago. I have wonderful fun! I think I got pulled along with the current of ‘how life should progress’ and woke up nearly 30 with the biggest feeling of ‘holy shit what have I done? Who am I now?!’. I’m not proud of the subsequent hurt and life disruption for all involved (although DH wasn’t exactly an innocent party in the breakup (cheating)) but I love my life now. I’ve got a shit job and not much money but my life is so much more ‘me’ now. ‘Traditional grown up’ just isn’t my personality.

Porpoises · 23/03/2018 22:54

How old are his kids? Does he know you want more excitement? Could you make that happen together?

InDubiousBattle · 23/03/2018 22:56

I think that this is probably a reaction to your dc leaving home. You had them very young so most likely missed out on the carefree years most people get when they're late teens/early twenties. Is there no way you can re connect with your dh on this? Do you love him? Two years is a really short marriage.

AshiBarai · 23/03/2018 22:57

calmandbright That's EXACTLY how I feel - this just isn't me! The house, the neighbours, the gym ... ffs nobody talks to me at gym as it's a posh one and I don't fit in!! The happpiest I ever was was when I was single, skint and shagging whoever I was chatting to that week. I'm scared, terrified I'm going to wake up at 90 years old full of regrets.

OP posts:
Porpoises · 23/03/2018 22:57

If he was outgoing before but now tired all the time, could there be a medical reason? Might be worth him getting his blood checked for deficiencies.

Coyoacan · 23/03/2018 22:59

I think you at least need to get this out of your system. Having spent so much time at home minding kids, now is not the time to be staying in watching television.

AshiBarai · 23/03/2018 23:00

His kids are 20 and 21 years old. Youngest is still going access weekends meaning every weekend we're sat around the house waiting to find out if he's coming or not. I hate weekends now, they're pointless and boring. I used to love them but now it's just another reminder of how boring life is

OP posts:
Lolabowla · 23/03/2018 23:03

"The grass is always greener on the other side." Would you give up what you have now for being 36, single and looking at a dating pool who have either the baggage of failed relationships or who are ingrained with independence? You have one life, choice is yours. Either way it's a learning curve

ReanimatedSGB · 23/03/2018 23:05

Bloody hell, start planning your escape now. This boring, boring man is not your DC's father, so they are hardly going to be devastated at you leaving him - and they are old enough to stay in touch with him, or not, at their discretion. There is no good reason to stay in this relationship, is there? Just make your plans carefully and make your departure as kind as possible. He's dull but decent, by the sound of it, so no need to be cruel about his faults when you say goodbye.

Porpoises · 23/03/2018 23:07

Why did you marry him? What were you looking for in a marriage?

There's a lot of things that you could try before leaving. Like seeing better boundaries with his child. Of course you don't deserve to spend your life bored to death. But it seems quite childish to just give up without trying to fix things when 2 years ago you made a commitment to him.

kimanda · 23/03/2018 23:11

Agree with a PP that you had kids too young, and this is why you are wanting to act like you are 18 now.

If you want to leave and live a 'wild life' then do it. But don't blame your husband because he is older and a bit pedestrian and likes to chill and watch tv. You must have known what he was like when you married him. Poor man. He deserves better.

Remember though, the grass is always greener on the other side, and you could find the little free-spirited, cool, bohemian life that you dream of, being nothing more than a life as a single mother, living in a squalid flat, on a zero hours contract at the Travelodge.

And good luck finding another man when you're hurtling towards your 40's.

AshiBarai · 23/03/2018 23:12

I've suggested that now DSS is an adult we could change access weekends to every fortnight so we could have at least one weekend a fortnight to actually do stuff but he just kicks off saying I'm trying to limit his time Witt his son. Take last weekend for example, we stayed in all day only the find out at 3.30pm that DSS wasn't coming. Total waste of a weekend and it's the same EVERY fucking weekend.

OP posts:
InDubiousBattle · 23/03/2018 23:15

This is a man op loved enough to marry only two years ago. What has happened in 2 short years to have you going from shagging like rabbits to this?

HeyRoly · 23/03/2018 23:15

Honestly? It sounds like you're already over the marriage so you should just end it. I'm not going to comment on your plans for the future and "the grass isn't always greener". You don't want to stay married to this man so you should end it - for his sake as well as yours.

MsGameandWatching · 23/03/2018 23:16

Oh leave him! Your kids are not small, you can support yourself, just leave him. There is no reason whatsoever to remain in a dull marriage no matter how much societal pressure there is to Make Things Work, counselling, give it a chance, blah blah blah. Why? What is the point? You're not happy, you're bored, he's selfish and you yearn for more. Go and find it.

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MsGameandWatching · 23/03/2018 23:18

being nothing more than a life as a single mother, living in a squalid flat, on a zero hours contract at the Travelodge.

OP is a nurse, her children are almost grown, why would she be in a squalid flat? Give over the doom and gloom.

NewYearNewMe18 · 23/03/2018 23:22

The happpiest I ever was was when I was single, skint and shagging whoever I was chatting to that week.

Not much of ambition to have though is it ? Lets face it, we all get older, and in a few years you'll be single, skint and raddled, wont be any shagging then (harsh but true) and anything that you would have shagged will now be old, fat, and toothless.

GreenSeededGrape · 23/03/2018 23:23

New year 😂

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