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AIBU?

To make a complaint

92 replies

CollyWombles · 23/03/2018 19:32

To the school about my DD football coach.

My dd has been away for five days on a very full on adventure trip with her school. She got back at 3pm tonight. An hour later her friend came over clutching a note about a football tournament happening tomorrow.

My dd is exhausted and doesn't want to attend. Her friend was pressuring her but I stepped and said no, it wouldn't be happening.

My dd messaged her coach to say sorry, she would not be attending. Her coach replied with 'please DD, we need you, I will give you a lift'

After the pressure from her friend and now her coach, my dd ended up in tears. She is knackered, I asked how she was in touch with the coach, turns out it's via snap chat. I replied to the coach, stating dd would not be attending and was in tears due to pressure to attend, that I would be contacting the school. I also stated I found it unprofessional that snap chat was involved and any further contact was to be with myself.

My dd is head girl and is under a lot of pressure as it is. I think that to expect her to attend a tournament all day tomorrow is frankly ridiculous and I'm upset that my daughters return home has been stressful for her.

The coach responded saying dd had asked for her snap chat, dd maintains the coach asked for hers. Coach is making a counter complaint apparently!

AIBU to report her to the school for pressuring my dd to attend?

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QuitMoaning · 23/03/2018 19:36

How old is your daughter?

Claredemoon · 23/03/2018 19:37

YES! The coach sounds horrible, it doesn't matter who gave who the snapchat an adult should not be contacting a minor on social media or via email without the parent's consent and knowledge!

Claredemoon · 23/03/2018 19:38

as in no you are not being unreasonable, and yes you should report it!

Callamia · 23/03/2018 19:40

I think that the coach knows that they’re in the wrong and is trying to intimidate you a bit. There’s no way they should be snap-chatting minors like that. Any fool knows about appropriate safeguarding behaviour. Is it a school tournament?

CollyWombles · 23/03/2018 19:42

My dd is 11. I missed her heaps when she was away as did her siblings and I'm gutted that she has been upset. She has a lovely nature and is really sensitive to feeling like she is letting people down.

I had no idea they were in touch via social media, I would have responded to the coach in the first instance had I known.

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Hmmalittlefishy · 23/03/2018 19:42

I'm a bit mixed with this one. I would say that most of the pressure seems to have come from dds friend not her coach.
The coach seemed to be encouraging her and making things easier and perhaps didn't know she'd been away. 3pm is nor a late night home it's earlier than normal school finish
However I don't think snap chat is appropriate and depending on age would suggest all correspondence regarding tournaments etc be emailed to you (more than a day in advance)

Hmmalittlefishy · 23/03/2018 19:43

X post. Social media totally inappropriate. All football related information a should go via you at 11.
Its also surely more reliable!!

acatcalledjohn · 23/03/2018 19:43

So he's going to counter complain that your DD asked for his snapchat, thus admitting he didn't maintain his professional distance by declining?

Hmm

Notevilstepmother · 23/03/2018 19:44

The tournament is neither here nor there, adults in positions of responsibility should not be contacting children privately via social media.

If the coach wanted to contact members of the team the school could arrange this, perhaps through school email (which can be monitored by the network manager and messages can be checked even if deleted and is therefore safer and generally permitted)

I think you should contact the school and also your local safeguarding team. This is potentially serious as if the coach is using snapchat who knows who else is using it to groom?

alligatortoss · 23/03/2018 19:44

I don’t think you are unreasonable to a point but my god you do sound suffocating.

pinkyredrose · 23/03/2018 19:44

The coach is out of order, besides what would thier complaint be? They put pressure on your daughter and upset her. Has your daughter saved the snapchat convo?

CollyWombles · 23/03/2018 19:44

The coach absolutely knew she had been away, they are primary 7 and all her team is in primary 7. Yes most of the pressure was from the friend, I also don't find the words, please dd, we need you, encouragement. More like guilt. But that's just me and I'm happy to accept people may have different views on that.

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DamnCommandments · 23/03/2018 19:46

At 11 that seems completely inappropriate. Primary-age, I guess, if she's head girl. I would expect all direct communication between kids and teachers to use school email, or take place in person.

Whynotnowbaby · 23/03/2018 19:46

As pp said, it doesn’t matter who initiated the snapchat, it’s not an appropriate way for a teacher/coach to interact with a child and it is the adult’s responsibility to tell the child this and insist on authorised communication forms only.

kaytee87 · 23/03/2018 19:47

Yanbu but the thing I'd be most annoyed about is the coach adding an 11yo on Snapchat.
This just shows why if children are on SM it needs regularly checked and supervised

CollyWombles · 23/03/2018 19:47

Yep, i am completely suffocating and overprotective. I will not drip feed however my daughter has been through a hellish time these last couple of years and is more sensitive than would be usual of a child her age. I will happily be labelled as suffocating to give her a calmer, less stressful time.

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RJnomore1 · 23/03/2018 19:48

I manage some children and young peoples services and this is utterly inappropriate. Please complain. Don't worry about a counter complaint the coach is just trying to wrong foot you because they've seriously fucked up here.

Hmmalittlefishy · 23/03/2018 19:49

Well 'please we need you' is definitely more encouraging than 'OK we can do without you'/don't need you/ team is good without you at the tournament'
I think you need to disregard the supposed pressure and think you are perhaps a little over sensitive from missing dd and don't want her to be away tomorrow (understandable) but the snap chat needs raising

Cantchooseaname · 23/03/2018 19:49

Snap chat between staff and pupil- no way! I suspect he’s being defensive as he knows how out of order it is. As a teacher I could be disciplined/ sacked over it.
Please take it further- it doesn’t matter who asked who.

CollyWombles · 23/03/2018 19:49

I'm not worried. Coach is a she.

I am, however, aware that I am overprotective of all my DC (no shame here) so wanted to check whether the majority would feel the same as I do.

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CollyWombles · 23/03/2018 19:51

Hang on a sec, my DD did not want to go, if she had wanted to go, she would be going! And I would be watching Smile she did not want to go and told me so but her friend wasn't accepting that so then I stepped in as I could see my dd was becoming distressed.

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Idontdowindows · 23/03/2018 19:51

That coach is entirely unprofessional and once your daughter is rested a bit I'd also see if there are any other people that she is in contact with over social media that should know better.

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Ginger1982 · 23/03/2018 19:51

Assuming the football is a voluntary extra curricular activity then the coach should have just accepted DD wasn't going. Did DD know about the tournament before she went away? Maybe if she did it might have been wise to let coach know in advance she couldn't be there?

The Snapchat is so wildly inappropriate. I have no idea what possible counter complaint the coach could make. Even if your DD had said 'oh please give me your Snapchat' the coach, as the adult, should have said no!

CollyWombles · 23/03/2018 19:53

@Hmmalittlefishy I would think if a child messages a coach saying sorry, I won't be going, the correct response would be, oh how come? Or why, are you okay? Or something like that, as my dd didn't give a reason.

My dd friend left here to go to the coach house, I suspect, that the friend had spoken to the coach which is why the coach didn't ask what my dd reason was but instead said, please dd we need you etc.

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CollyWombles · 23/03/2018 19:54

My dd didn't know, she was not given any notes regarding it.

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