Teacher just spoke to me about the wrong child?

[upsideup]

Had a meeting with DS(8)'s teacher this afternoon and turns out he isn't as far behind or as disruptive as we thought he is. But I have come away with much different and worse concerns than I went in with, I felt that we were talking about a completely different child to mine.

First the teacher said his main struggle is reading out loud, that he talks quietly and often stutters and makes mistakes and when he does he gives up and says he doesn't want to do it. I know that DS hates silent reading but at home and at his drama school loves reading out loud and is perfectly capable at it, his drama report says he will read any text that is thrown at him out loud like he has read it 1000 times before and that his voice is always clear and full of confidence, so that didnt make any sense. My main worry was his maths and I went in wanting to discuss how I can help him with this at home but she seemed to think he was doing okay in maths and didn't need extra support, which if true obviously is great but I'm not sure is the case.

Throughout his whole school life and even the beginning of the year with this teacher he was loud, messed around, chatted all the time and wouldn't keep still etc but now apparently he is very quiet and hardly ever disruptive during lessons. Although I think its great he is starting to behave and had told him he needs to try harder to, should I not be concerned about this sudden complete switch in his personality at school? He is still just as loud and chatty out of school and at clubs. And despite starting to be quiet and not being disruptive he is not listening or concentrating which is hindering his progress, I don't understand this if hes being quiet and not distracting anyone but still not listening or concentrating what is he doing?
Also the effort he puts in at school during P.E and drama does not match the effort he puts in out of school and I was surprised that the teacher hadn't picked up on his abilities there. They are doing gymnastics at the moment and his teacher mentioned he doesn't seem to be enjoying it and is making some progress but finding it quite difficult which is really odd as he does 2 hours of gymnastics out of school a week and has done since he was 3, he is very capable of doing all the basic moves and much more advanced ones as well. The teacher wasn't aware that he did gymnastics out of school as apparently he hadn't told her which is not like him at all he normally would love to show of the fact he can do a back flip and has loads of awards.
It was all very confusing.

AIBU to think she just spoke to me about the wrong child? What are the chances of that? And if she was talking about DS does all that not sound incredibly worrying to you? What could be going on?

[Bubblysqueak]

It can happen. Especially if you look similar to another parent. It shouldn't happen but teachers are only human and can get muddled up (Especially on a Friday after school!)

[MaiaRindell]

Is there another child with the same name?

[Claredemoon]

Seems unlikely in a primary school, have you spoken to the teacher before, as in does she/he know your face well? Can you ask your DS about it to check that nothing at school is upsetting him, the stutter especially is concerning, who is he reading with? Is it in front of the class? Is there a child with the same name and she has thought she was meeting Daniel Smith's mum not Daniel Jones' mum.

[Mollieben]

Maybe go back in and ask??

[Adelie0404]

Yup, happens to me at parent's evenings - and this is secondary.
There is is child with the same first name and surname similar = also beginning with the same letter. So they are both Girl C.
Her language teacher talked about how lovely my DD is and how brilliantshe is etc - I twigged after a while.
The teacher was v embarrassed. Unfortunately my DD did not get such a glowing report.
The same happened again at history - i picked it up straightaway.

[Gorja]

I sat and listened to a secondary school maths teacher tell me about the wrong child - and she was sat next to me!

I was reading his score sheet upside down and he had completely the wrong child. I had to stop him, point out his mistake and listen to him again. Needless to say apart from her actual score on maths I didn’t believe anything else.

[JessicaJonesJacket]

Maybe he's different at school. Did you relay any of the examples to him to see if he recognised them?

[thetwinkletoescollective]

Ummm I don't know about whether she was talking about the wrong child. I am also assuming your child is in primary.

My experience is I have taught lots of young people drama and the students that do it outside of school either fall into two camps. Those who really want me to know and those that don't , don't want to be involved in school pays and don't like 'school' drama. (Personally I love it but that's another story). I think it comes down to some students really separate home and school and don't want their hobbies to mix.

However this is in self conscious teens and not so much in primary age children I would think.

I can see why you are confused.

[upsideup]

He's the only one with his name, I must have said 'DS's name!?' at least 10 times because what she was saying was a complete surprise to me.
DH went to parents even and does most of the school runs but I have spoken to her before, its possible she didnt recongnise my face but the child she was talking about she was calling DS's name.

[MsHarry]

Not usually in primary school as the parents normally drop off and collect. Does someone else do this ?
At secondary I could understand it as they teach so many.

[upsideup]

DS wont be home for a few hours so havent been able to talk to him yet, DH picked him up and took him out so he didnt have to be there for the meeting but maybe he should have been!
Tbh Im hoping she was talking about the wrong child that really wouldnt bother me at all, if she is talking about my DS though I am worried.

[Iooselipssinkships]

It sounds to me as if he finds school a bore. Some do! My DD loved school but since being 9 she says she hates it and it's boring.
It could be something as innocent as that and he just can't be arsed putting the effort in.
I remember my own English report which said if looselips put as much effort in as she does twirling her hair and looking out the window she'd be much better.
I got an A for my English A Level a good few years later.

[Hygge]

One teacher once complained to me that DS was coming to school too late and hungry, and she was concerned his sisters weren't looking after him properly in a morning.

He doesn't have sisters and has never arrived late or hungry. There was a similar looking child with a similar name in his class, who did have sisters, and she meant him.

His swimming teacher once told me all about DS's progress and he also meant a different child.

My teacher once told my mum I was a very lively member of the class and she knew immediately he meant someone else. I was more a "hide at the back and daydream or read" member of the class.

So it happens. If you are concerned ask for another appointment and take your DS with you so she can see him.

[Missingstreetlife]

And so you can see her with him. Sounds like they're not exactly getting on.

[BalloonSlayer]

He could be not participating in gymnastics because it is so far below what he can do? I don't usually say that sort of thing (I detest the "my child is bored in lessons because he's so advanced" thing that some parents come out with) but I think in gymnastics I can really see that happening. eg if the class is taking turns to do forward rolls and he can do somersaults etc.

[SnoopyLover]

I think it happens, although not perhaps with a confident child, like yours.

I was told one parents evening the teacher was sorry my daughter had given up the violin. My small quiet daughter had been completely confused with the small quiet similarly named girl she sat next to. Shes never played any instrument apart from the obligatory recorder.

[SoozC]

I've had this a few times before. I've said "and of course, he's so polite" and the reply has been "Is he? He's so naughty and rude at home!"

So children can behave differently, almost like different children. Speak to your son and see if there's a reason for this different behaviour. Is it possible that if he does some things outside of school, and has done for a while, so he's quite good, that he views doing "easier" stuff in school something not to bother about, giving the impression he can't do it or doesn't care?

[tumbleweed38]

Maybe try to clarify what are the nature of your concerns? Behaviour or academic success or both?
He sounds lovely and talented and possibly bored

[Witchend]

I've often had teacher meetings where I've jokingly asked if they're sure they have the right child. I thought that was quite common.

[upsideup]

Throughout primary school he would always be praised and rewarded for helping other children to learn to gymnastics stuff and he would love being picked to do the demonstartions or help explain how to do things, But then he was also told off quiet a lot for doing 'dangerous' things that he wasnt suppost to be doing at school, which I know he found quite frustrating.
So its very possible that hes just got bored of learning to to jumps and handstands over and over again and not being allowed to do the harder things that he can so just doesnt bother trying, I will have to ask him about that.
But with the reading out loud its not like he is a super talented reader who is being forced to read things he finds incredibly easy, hes just good and confident, so I dont know why he would purposely read things wrong and stuttering in school when out of school he reads fine.

[mathanxiety]

I got a run down of the wrong girl's progress in chemistry one year. It all sounded completely plausible - DD3 was getting an A- and just needed to check her work before handing it in, no problems in lab work, cooperative, attentive - up to that point it was going well. Then the six minutes came to an end, the teacher held out his hand to shake mine and said he was looking forward to seeing DD on the cross country team next season. With my mouth hanging open in astonishment, the next parent came in and I left for my next appointment.

The girl whose details the teacher/ cross country coach had discussed with me was the only other red haired girl in the class.

So my question is, is your DS red haired? Or actually, does he resemble any other boy in the class?

[tumbleweed38]

maybe ever so slightly forgiveable in secondary? but in a class of 30......who you see every day?

[Witchend]

On the stuttering:
I produced a youth play a couple of years ago. We had a new girl in who said very early on that she didn't want many lines as she stuttered badly.
I think in all the rehearsals I heard her stutter once, and that wasn't badly, literally just a couple of words. She did have quite a number of lines as they all did.
Her mum was amazed when I said that because she said that in school she stuttered really badly if asked to read out loud.

[upsideup]

Its primary and its a class of 20 shes had for 7 months now so I think its probably unlikely she was talking about the wrong child, she was reading from notes so its possible some of her comments may have been about someone else.
DS is on his way home now so I am going to have to talk to him to see whats happening.

[ConstantReminder]

High school teachers teachers teach hundreds of kids a week, all dressed the same and many looking the same. It’s a source of amazement they know more than 10 names off pat!