Regular, but NCed. To be clear, I know I am being unreasonable, selfish and childish about this. I need you guys to talk some sense into me.
Had a hell of a six months. DH's job has been crazy, and I've been working and managing building work which has dragged on much longer than anticipated due to unforeseeable circumstances. to give you an idea, for months I was working from home, in the freezing cold, sometimes without power- in an environment that is noisy, dusty, smelly and thoroughly unpleasant to be in. Birthdays - including a major one for me - Christmas, Valentines' Day have all been cancelled as we struggle to control costs and cope financially. We've worked right through everything without having a rest. That's fine, it's what you do as adults. But I am now on my knees, constantly feeling like I'm on the edge of a major cold and tired all the time. I am also suffering from clinical depression - for various personal reasons that have to do with some bad things that happened in the past, I really struggle with upheaval in the house. I've been crying incessantly, and so I went to the GP and started treatment for this, though I suspect that it is quite circumstantial and will actually go away as the house gets back to normal.
There is finally an end in sight, but we can't afford a holiday. I have been saving up for one, but the money has been spent DH has agreed to a weekend away to celebrate his mother's 70th, and it's costing us around £600 (BIL is paying half - so the weekend is £1200 in total for 6 adults). He's also agreed to a weekend away with schoolfriends in a few weeks, at a cost of £300.
Predictably, all the organisation for MIL's birthday has fallen on me, as DH has been 'simply too busy'. I found the cottage for MIL, found and booked a place for Sunday lunch, and did the huge food shop for everyone. I baked a birthday cake (Christmas cake recipe) and later on, I will cook a meal to take down for tomorrow evening. I've also organised ingredients for BIL and his partner to cook something. I know that I should have just said 'no' to the wifework, but this is literally the only way that this weekend was going to happen for MIL so I've sucked it up. (BIL is also struggling at work).
I feel childishly resentful that this has basically eaten our budget for a holiday this Easter. I missed out on my birthday (also one of those with a '0' on the end, by the way!) because we didn't have enough money, yet we can find all this for MIL - who is domineering, bossy and patronising to me.
I fully realise this is not a MIL issue, it's a DH issue. We have spoken about not doing any more very expensive friends/family things for a while, and he has agreed that this is sensible. He has form for agreeing, then caving, but I've made it absolutely clear that this is now a red line for me. I'm pretty sure he understands how I feel abotu this.
The immediate issue is that I need to turn my mood around and deal with this with a good grace. I am absolutely dreading the weekend -
being around MIL is a thoroughly unenjoyable experience in every way because she cannot depart from a MO where she gives me life advice, incessantly. A really small, childish part of me is just wailing inside at the situation, in a way that is grossly disproportionate really. There are people on this forum with real problems, and I'm letting something as selfish as this get to me . I feel small, weak and vulnerable, like all my fierceness has somehow evaporated!
I feel like I need a good dressing down, and for someone to help me find and put on my big girl pants. I need to cope with this weekend with good grace, and then to ensure that we don't get put in this position again. Please talk some sense into me.
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I know I'm being stupid and selfish, please help me find my big girl pants
158 replies
pigmcpigface · 22/03/2018 08:30
OP posts:
hesterton ·
22/03/2018 08:40
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Message withdrawn at poster's request.
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