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AIBU?

Was my friend unreasonable or was the teacher?

76 replies

Clueless1315 · 21/03/2018 22:01

My friend has a little boy in reception and they sit on the carpet and have specific carpet spaces. Her little boy can be a handful but he behaves very well in class, he likes to please his teachers. He's very tall also. My friend went into class today and found out once again her little boy had been reseated and no one else. So she had enough, went home and wrote a letter stating her little boy had been moved 5 times and she wanted to know why, the other times it was mainly because the teacher said she wanted to bring the reserved ones nearer to her, or seating so and so next to each other wasn't a good match or that her son was a good listener and she could trust him in different spaces, not to mess around etc etc. The majority of the class has only been moved once, with some twice or some none. Now my friend feels bad she wrote the letter and has taken to bed, she suffers from depression and anxiety so it's brought on serious symptoms now. But she wants to know if she was being unreasonable to say she was tired of her son being moved. For what it's worth she thinks he was moved because he's taller than the child he's in front of now, but they're some extremely short ones at the back and even tall children at the front. His teacher has tried calling a couple times but for both she couldn't get to the phone. Teacher has said they can talk in the afternoon. In a way my friend knows nothing will come of it, as he'll have to stay in his new spot. She likes his teachers very much but feels she's always having to explain to her son why he's moved, when he's done nothing wrong and is sad each time he's moved and takes a while to readjust. No one tells her when he's moved either, she finds out when another kid says her child is in their spot.

OP posts:
superram · 21/03/2018 22:03

I move kids all the time-it’s not a big deal.

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 21/03/2018 22:04

Does it matter where he sits on the carpet? They spend about 10 minutes a day there.

GreenVoyage · 21/03/2018 22:04

Is this for real?

dementedpixie · 21/03/2018 22:04

sounds like an overreaction tbh. I find it strange they have a designated carpet space. I assume they are not there all the time and have desks and chairs too

OrangeHorses · 21/03/2018 22:04

I'm very confused about why him being moved is an issue? I am a teacher and regularly move kids around the seating plan for various reasons.

RoseRuby26 · 21/03/2018 22:05

Moving seats is no big deal. There are loads of reasons why the child might have been moved.

AgentProvocateur · 21/03/2018 22:05

If she’s going to sweat the small stuff like this, she’s going to have a very stressful 12 years ahead of her.

Theshittyendofthestick · 21/03/2018 22:06

I think your friend has got worked up over nothing, which is understandable if she's struggling with her mental health. Maybe she could have a low key conversation with the teacher, just to see if there are any issues with her son that she needs to be aware of.

BlondeB83 · 21/03/2018 22:06

Teachers move children quite frequently, the boy will understand this. She is being unreasonable.

DianaPrincessOfThemyscira · 21/03/2018 22:07

I think all of it is her anxiety talking.

This isn’t important in any way shape or form.

CotswoldStrife · 21/03/2018 22:09

So she has complained before about her child being moved and not believed the teacher's response but put her own spin on it anyway? How did she deliver this letter that she wrote today after school drop off this morning?

Scabetty · 21/03/2018 22:09

Really common to move kids around for a variety of reasons. Your friend needs to learn to not read something in to everything a teacher does.

Daifuku9 · 21/03/2018 22:11

She’s being unreasonable.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 21/03/2018 22:13

She is being unreasonable and also possibly putting her negative thoughts about situations into her child who in all likelihood won’t give a stuff until she indicates to him that he should

Masterbuilders · 21/03/2018 22:13

Massive over reaction and definitely not letter worthy. Children get moved all the time. If this has got to her, then honestly she’s going to have a real issue getting through the next few years. Maybe she needs some more support.

CarrotVan · 21/03/2018 22:14

Hmm my boy is in reception. He’s been moved several times as far as I know because he vaguely says ‘I’m on line 2, 5, sitting where H used to sit’

It doesn’t mean anything negative. Kids get moved for all sorts of reasons - short/long sighted, difficulty concentrating, need to sit next to a TA/121, doing show and tell that day, picked for board work that day...

user1510568216 · 21/03/2018 22:15

God help her in yrs to come if she has took to her bed because of this.

buttercup54321 · 21/03/2018 22:15

your friend needs to get a grip. massive over reaction.

BarbarianMum · 21/03/2018 22:16

Yes your friend was totally unreasonable - and somewhat paranoid. Children are frequently moved around (and how could she possibly know how many times each child's been moved?) and its totally normal and fine.

Clueless1315 · 21/03/2018 22:16

Oh dear.... I'll have to break this gently to her.

She gave the letter to the teacher after school today but couldn't stay because she had a meeting to go to.

I think all she could see was her child being moved constantly whilst others weren't and at the same time being told he was good.

OP posts:
MammaTJ · 21/03/2018 22:17

She needs to learn when things are and are not a big deal. This falls in to the very much not a big deal category.

If this really is you friend and not you (this thread really does seem like it could really be you) could you help her to realise that in the grand scheme of things, even in the not so grand scheme of things, this is really not very important, not even really a little bit important.

It might matter to your her DS but he needs to be told it is not a big deal too, otherwise another 'snowflake' will be born!

WowLookAtYou · 21/03/2018 22:18

Why on earth does she feel the teacher needs to explain or justify her operational reasons for moving children around.

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BoomBoomsCousin · 21/03/2018 22:19

It's always possible the teacher is being unreasonable, but your friend seems to have decided she must have and approached this from a confrontational angle rather than an informational one. Why didn't she just quietly ask the teacher about it the next time she saw her? Writing a letter seems very over the top. That she's then second-guessed herself and has "taken to bed" because she's worried about what she's done suggests that overreaction is common for her. I would suggest she needs to prioritise improving her mental health to minimise the impact her difficulties have on her and her DC.

Clueless1315 · 21/03/2018 22:19

She knows because reception parents take their children in and seat them in their spot before saying good bye.

OP posts:
ChasedByBees · 21/03/2018 22:19

Regardless of who was right, this will all blow over after a short conversation.

I think she needs to speak with her son (if he’s bothered, he may not be) and say people will move for a number of reasons and it’s OK.

The teacher will know that she is looking out for her son.

All will be well. Flowers

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