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Child maintenance?

(50 Posts)
blahdiblahdiblah4 Tue 20-Mar-18 21:05:32

Sorry, I couldn't find the chat topic for some reason so had to post here... apologies.

Basically, long story short, my ex left (after some pretty horrible times, abusive and violent behaviour towards me, I won't go into detail here because it makes me horrified and sick even thinking about what he has done.) about 8 weeks ago, leaving me holding the ten week old baby.
He has not paid a single penny towards the baby from the day she was born, literally bought a pack of nappies here and there, maybe one box of formula, etc.

I am on SMP and am literally on my knees here financially. My savings have literally dissolved.

I rang the CMS to seek advice regarding getting some support from him. They recommended doing a family arrangement, which he has repeatedly point blank refused to consider.
I suppose my only option is now through the courts and the legal side of things. I just wondered if anyone could offer any advice or experience of going through the system to get child maintenance, or what sort of amount he would have to pay?

I might add, that he has been offered contact, and has either 'forgotten' arrangements, turned up with woefully inadequate provisions (think summer dress in the snow), demanded to use my things such as the bloody expensive pram I bought, or cancelled at the very last minute, yet is very vocally demanding his rights as a 'doting dad'. Apparently I am expected to provide him with all she needs for his non-existent contact.

Anyway, if anyone has any advice regarding this, or any tips on how to make him agree to any sort of amount, I would be grateful. Sorry if it doesn't make much sense, I am very tired.

Jessikita Tue 20-Mar-18 21:18:46

Going through court isn’t an option anymore, only in divorce.

Say you want them to do an assessment and pay the £20 to do so. Then if he doesn’t pay. They claim they can enforce it.

Hope you’re ok xx

blahdiblahdiblah4 Tue 20-Mar-18 21:23:32

Oh right. Thanks for the reply and that info. Lucky I didn't actually get to marry the bastard.

So do I just make a claim with his details and they do the rest? Sorry, totally new to all of this, and never in a million years did I think this would happen to me (then again, who does?)...

Avasarala Tue 20-Mar-18 21:25:36

Theyve told you to do tjat because the government really doesnt want to be involved in making parents pay. Its why the whole thing is so crap.
Tell them it won't work and you want to open a case - they have too so don't worry about being told no.
They will handle it from there. He will be given the choice of paying directly to you - if you do this then make sure it's by cheque or bank transfer, do not use cash as then he can lie and say he gave you it.
Or he can choose to have them collect the money and pass it into you. If they do that, they charge him an extra 25% or something to cover their costs.

He will most likely say he will pay you directly, if he doesn't pay then you have to really push you get them to take action and get it straight from his wages etc.

Avasarala Tue 20-Mar-18 21:27:24

Yup - just give them all the details you can about your ex and they will contact him. They will use his tax info from HMRC yo do an assessment and set a monthly amount. It is reviewed every year but you can call up anytime if you suspect his wages have increased by 25% or more.

GracefulDroid Tue 20-Mar-18 21:27:57

If you tell them about the abuse they often waive the £20 application fee also (not always)

Backscratchesforever Tue 20-Mar-18 21:29:17

You don’t need to pay the £20 admin fee if you have proof you are a domestic violence victim

blahdiblahdiblah4 Tue 20-Mar-18 21:36:20

Ah ok. That's great, thanks all for the responses, very useful.

Can anyone shed any light on the fact that he says I made him homeless (social services made him leave the house, not as it sounds as he made a series of pretty serious allegations against me, that are currently being investigated to 'cover his own back', along with trying to care single handedly for my baby, which really isn't good at all), because I asked him to leave after all the shit that he has done and he refused - hence the allegations made against me... he is currently staying with a relative but he says that because it's not a permanent address, I can't possibly make a claim.

I never thought my life would turn out like this... sad

PrettyLittIeThing Tue 20-Mar-18 21:37:39

Just ask for collect and pay. They will try to push for direct pay. They told me that's what they like todo first as they can't force the extra fees on someone trough collect and pay if they are "willing"to pay. Ask for collect and pay that's when they take it direct.

Avasarala Tue 20-Mar-18 22:26:07

They can. As long as they can contact him then they can. If they know where he works, they can issue a deduction from earnings do even if he ignores them, they have ways. You just need yo keep calling them as they can leave cases hanging if you don't keep on top of it.

Ignore what he says - make the claim.

blahdiblahdiblah4 Tue 20-Mar-18 22:29:40

Even if he says he is self employed? Sorry to keep asking questions, only I am desperate at the moment and he keeps cutting me off at every turn, and taunting me with threats that he will report me again to ss, and saying that I will never be able to make a claim for cm...

Avasarala Tue 20-Mar-18 22:40:26

Self employed makes it harder.

They will still go by what he reports in his tax return - but he can lie on that if he's one of those types and hide money from you.

Also, if he just ignores them then they can't deduct from earnings. They would have to take him to court. I think he can get 6 or 12 weeks in jail or somthing like that (or release if he pays the full amount owed) but getting to the point where they take him to court will be after months of missed payments so if he decides not to pay, you'll have a long wait before you get anything. And the CMS do really drop the ball sometimes so it would be on you to online every month, report non-payment, demand next steps, demand timeline and then follow up on everything they tell you.

You should 100% do it, but if you're relying on that money then make some plans incase you don't get it.

Avasarala Tue 20-Mar-18 22:41:24

*phone them every month

blahdiblahdiblah4 Tue 20-Mar-18 22:50:43

Oh trust me, he's one of those types... I am sick of pandering to his childish games. He literally is the worst human being I have ever had the misfortune to cross paths with... and yes I should have been able to see through him before I had a child with him, but unfortunately the wool was firmly pulled over my eyes.

Will ring up first thing and make a claim. Although if he is not registered on the electoral roll as living there, does it make a difference?

Avasarala Tue 20-Mar-18 22:57:02

Don't even say that! It can take years for abusive men to show their true colours - you've done nothing wrong here.

Don't worry about the electoral role - loads of people are registered at different address if they're working in different areas and renting, or studying or just didn't bother to update so don't worry. You give them the address, they'll go from there. They can access loads of databases to find his address if he moves as well. I had address issues with my ex but they found him.

Don't tell them his address isn't permanent, just give it to them as his current address and update them if it changes.

They can be a pain to deal with but just keep pushing.

Side note- if you know he has undeclared income and he's piaaes you off enough, report him to HMRC! He won't know it was you; will just look like a random audit.

blahdiblahdiblah4 Tue 20-Mar-18 23:02:48

Avasarala thanks so much. I have the address for where he is currently staying, plus the name of where he works etc. So that should be enough, right?
And god knows, he probably has heaps of undeclared income, would never tell me how much he earned, etc etc yadda yadda. Sorry you had issues with your ex as well.

Avasarala Tue 20-Mar-18 23:07:40

That should be; they'll talk you through it on the phone though so don't worry. It might be a long road, and there are do many stories of people still getting nothing but don't give up.
He doesn't deserve to get away with it. Mine ignored them/changed jobs/moved for about a year but they got him eventually and he's been paying since. So it does sometimes work!

blahdiblahdiblah4 Tue 20-Mar-18 23:15:17

Ugh. Why are they such pigs???

Namechange467 Tue 20-Mar-18 23:21:37

This could have been me writing this years ago... CMS are still trying to get a payment from him and they don't need his permission anymore. Check out my recent thread flowers

littletinyme1 Tue 20-Mar-18 23:21:42

I don't know any of the answers to question you are asking, but would recommend that you get as much kit for you baby from friends, gumtree or ebay. A tiny baby doesn't need top of the range prams, even though you would like to be able to give them to her. I bought everything anyone could possibly need for a small baby, and wasted a fortune. Certainly wouldn't do it these days.

blahdiblahdiblah4 Tue 20-Mar-18 23:27:54

Namechange467 thanks** *
Unfortunately I splashed out on the stuff before,
not thinking this would ever in a million years this would happen to me. He did the usual 'I'll change when the baby is here', 'I'm working so that we will have a better future' etc etc etc. Unfortunately it was all bullshit. Luckily I do have generous friends, who have donated baby stuff/clothes etc. But really why should they? It beggars belief (pardon the pun).

VladmirsPoutine Tue 20-Mar-18 23:33:03

I hope you pursue this but even HNW men manage to get away with paying peanuts. I wish you and your baby all the best.

Avasarala Wed 21-Mar-18 09:25:14

They just seem to think that once they've left the woman, why should they bother paying for the kids. There are many great single fathers who do contribute but so many just seem to think they don't have too.

If the general problem were reserved and women were running off en masse leaving men to deal with all the financial strain, then you just know the laws would be changed in a heartbeat to have everyone doing it jailed or bank accounts raided immediatly.

It just sucks. But don't let it drop - sometimes they do get the money, sometimes they don't so just stick with it. And good luck!

blahdiblahdiblah4 Wed 21-Mar-18 09:52:21

Avasarala this is very true... however I am hesitant to make a claim because of what he has done/alleged against me, and continual threats of reporting me for yet more lies to ss.

Plus if he is paying, surely he will be allowed more contact? He has been out of the house for nearly 8 weeks and he has seen her about four times (all with me, having cancelled last minute, 'forgetting' he was supposed to have her, etc) none of those times on his own. In fact he has actually left the house with her on his own once. I don't trust him at all to look after her or provide for her, but if he is paying maintenance surely he will insist on having her?

LifeBeginsAtGin Wed 21-Mar-18 10:40:27

Did he want a child?

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