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DP eats more than me...

(167 Posts)
Cassiopi Tue 20-Mar-18 20:50:44

Tell me if I'm being unreasonable (honestly, if I'm being a knob I would rather know). DP and I have just moved in together. Not married and only have joint account for groceries/bills etc. Not ready for fully joint account just yet. I put £20 a week towards shopping and he puts £25. I've been looking at receipts recently and £25 of food is purely what he would eat and £20 is for both of us. Basically, he is paying for things like bars, chocolate, things I don't eat such as desserts and cinnamon bagels. All of the money I put in is going towards meat and veg, for both of us. Is it fair that I am footing the bill for both of us whilst his money just goes on whatever he fancies and non staple foods which I consider junk? Surely our joint money should pay for stuff we both eat and he should pay for goodies for himself? AIBU? Just want to see what your opinions are before I have a word with him!

RottweilerOnDuty Tue 20-Mar-18 20:54:37

Yep, I agree with you. If you’re not ready for joint accounts yet, you should both be equally paying for your meals and each of you paying for your treats. I mean paying an approximate amount by the way, for example he pays £10 a week for his treats. Make sure you don’t nit pick £s and add up meticulously because you may cause unnecessary tension.

AnchorDownDeepBreath Tue 20-Mar-18 20:54:48

I'd just split the food bill; to be honest - so if you're spending £45 a week, I'd pay £22.50.

It's fine to split it otherwise but to be honest that'll get tiresome; it'll mean there's always niggles about how much of something someone ate... you'd probably be better off doing entirely separate shops then. It just doesn't feel like a viable way forward.

If DP wanted to split our food based on me eating more, I'd be a bit put out. As it is; I pay for all our food and he pays for other things so it's fairly evenly split each month.

RadioGaGoo Tue 20-Mar-18 20:55:25

I don't think you are even ready for a grocery/bills joint account if you are going to be checking and begrudging everything. If you have baths or long showers and he doesn't, are you going to be paying more of the water bill?

Coolaschmoola Tue 20-Mar-18 20:55:47

I can't imagine picking through the food receipts and feeling hard done to whilst living with someone in a relationship.

You actually sound more like a housesharing student.

You will use more loo roll than him - and potentially more electricity on haircare so maybe it balances out... hmm

IAmWonkoTheSane Tue 20-Mar-18 20:57:41

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

midnightmisssuki Tue 20-Mar-18 20:57:58

confused you dont sound like a couple. if you scrutinise this , imagine what it would be like with other bills - water, gas, electric etc. How on earth are you going to measure that?!

SkaPunkPrincess Tue 20-Mar-18 20:58:21

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

emsyj37 Tue 20-Mar-18 20:58:34

I agree that you aren't ready for a live-in relationship. This picking over 'staple foods' and shopping receipts sounds like hard work.

AppleAndBlackberry Tue 20-Mar-18 20:58:44

You're only eating £10 of food a week? Or do you buy lunch at work? Is money very tight? If not it seems unnecessarily petty to itemize food.

Cassiopi Tue 20-Mar-18 20:58:59

Thanks for opinions! The only reason I pay £5 less than him a week is because I'm on £20k and he's on £38k a year so agreement was that I paid a bit less. All bills etc we split down the middle however. Maybe IABU

notangelinajolie Tue 20-Mar-18 20:59:01

Managing money is great but micro managing every single item is not a good idea. It could get very complicated!

LipstickHandbagCoffee Tue 20-Mar-18 21:00:34

Right,on mn unless you completely share monies you’ll be told
Not a proper couple
Living like flat mates
Stupid to nit pick through bills

Of course ignore the inevitable harrumphing and keep monies separate

Do not share accounts,keep individual accounts

Userplusnumbers Tue 20-Mar-18 21:00:48

Am I the only one struggling to figure out how you're managing to feed two people on twenty quid a week once you take the treats out of it?

Avasarala Tue 20-Mar-18 21:01:10

If your budget is really tight and you need the extra £10 for more important things, then discuss with him that spending tour money each week on treats for him is making you unhappy. If he can afford it, then he can buy what he likes.
Most people just split the food shop, but you need to do what works for you. Or find a way to split the 'treat' money so you get something you'd enjoy too.
It really comes down to how tifut your budgets are and if this is an expense you really need to not have.

SavoyCabbage Tue 20-Mar-18 21:01:58

So you and he are eating and drinking for £10 each a week?

SkaPunkPrincess Tue 20-Mar-18 21:02:21

So you have a joint income of 58k and you are nitpicking over a £50 a week food shop?

I despair.

Avasarala Tue 20-Mar-18 21:02:57

Just seen your update, he's earning double what you do. He can buy his own treats.

starzig Tue 20-Mar-18 21:02:59

I know you are not ready for joint finances but if you are at the stage you are moving in together then you should be able to give and take. There could be other things you use more e.g water, heating. If you are not picking at this stage, I am not holding out much hope for the relationship.

Cassiopi Tue 20-Mar-18 21:03:28

Money is tight for me because everything is split 50/50 apart from the £5 less a week I spend on groceries. He is on 18k more than me so doesn't have to worry.

@SkaPunkPrincess not necessary to call me a twat but ok!

Yes it's amazing what you can buy for £20 in Aldi!

Cassiopi Tue 20-Mar-18 21:04:54

@SkaPunkPrincess we pay 50/50 and his money is his and my money is mine. I have £20k to live off and he has £38k. We don't put everything in to one big account. This isn't about our joint income.

Happymummy1991 Tue 20-Mar-18 21:06:01

My husband and I don't have a joint account we have always just split things in proportion to earnings. He has just started paying for the food shopping as I am now on mat pay.
I make a list of things like bread and milk etc, stuff to make meals and household stuff like cleaning products. We buy everything on the list and then each have a couple of extra treats. I eat ALOT of chocolate so I give him some money for this if I get it with the food shopping or I'll just buy it seperately another time.
If you are only spending £20 on the necessities then maybe show him the receipts and say "I think we can seriously cut down on the food shopping, without all the crap it will only cost us a tenner each".
Or just be frank and say too much of the food shopping budget is going on your junk food.
I don't think YABU but I don't think it's a big problem and easy to resolve with a bit of communication.

ShapelyBingoWing Tue 20-Mar-18 21:06:38

I don't think you are even ready for a grocery/bills joint account if you are going to be checking and begrudging everything.

Honestly, this. With bells on. I can't imagine wanting to make so absolutely sure I wasn't paying a penny over my share that I pore over receipts and begrudge foods that aren't part of a meal.

Very good point by another user... Do you pay more for loo roll? Does your san pro get included in the bill? Do you use more electric? Do you put the heating on more?

Farmerswife36 Tue 20-Mar-18 21:06:46

Omg seriously your picking over a few quid ? Disaster of a relationship waiting to happen ! Goodness me your going to have to stop being so tight and relax a bit .£20 for food is really a small amount and not something to get worked up over

Cassiopi Tue 20-Mar-18 21:07:02

Thanks @Happymummy1991 - helpful advice!

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