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AIBU?

I think I love a stranger?

117 replies

Pecanpickles · 20/03/2018 20:31

Okay so not a total stranger.
16 years ago when I was a fresher in university I was in the fencing club, and I took a real shine to this guy. I was very timid and immature and, tbf rather silly. We sent on a few ‘socials’ but I determinedly ignored him (how stupid was I?!) in fact if he thought about me at all, he probably thought I was nuts. I probably WAS a bit nuts.

Anyway. The shit hit the fan in my family in my 2nd year of uni and I took time out of university. I went back eventually and only ever saw lovely fencing guy one more time. I bumped into him in a pub...
and he said hi.
That was it.

For the first couple of years after uni I looked him on facebook occasionally (we weren’t facebook friends, but at the time Facebook was more open) and saw that he had moved to Australia and was engaged to be married. (To a very beautiful woman who looks nothing like me!) After that I put him out of my mind.

Fast forward to today. I was have been reminiscing with an old uni friend and I ended up googling him to see what he is up to. Fully expected him to have kids and be living it ip in Oz. Turns up he’s back in the UK, and his facebook profile and cover pictures are of him, male friends and landscapes. His feature photos are all him and various mates... no obvious sign of wife or family? At risk of sounding like a stalkery nutter, is it unreasonable to think that if he was married he would have at least one picture of her public on his facebook?!!

I’ve spent the evening being proper nosy and he is such an amazing man!! He still looks gorgeous and even better for being older. He is talented, he is kind, I just look at his face and I just... 😍
I really want to know if he is married, and if not I want to meet him again! But he lives literally the other end of England. I can’t possibly message him without seeming super creepy, can I?! Especially as if he remembers me at all, it’s as a (very) random weirdo 18year-old-going-on-12!!

The worst part is I kind of want to go on holiday to where he lives to see if I can bump into him... would that be actual proper stalking?!

Help Mumsnet, is there anything I can do?! It sounds insane but he was my ‘one who got away’ and now I can’t stop feeling that he really might be he one for me! AIBU and utterly ridiculous and sad, or..??

OP posts:

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Dvg · 20/03/2018 20:38

I would just message him and say that Weirdly he popped up on suggestions and you remembered him from Uni, ask casually how he is etc and what's he up to now!

I wouldn't think twice, you don't know until you try.

kitkatsky · 20/03/2018 20:38

Why not just add him as a fb friend, say he cane up as a suggestion and you remembered him. Does he still fence etc? That’s a good segue into another convo.

adayatthebeach · 20/03/2018 20:39

I don’t think dwelling on this is healthy for you. I’ve had experience with limerance and it can be very painful and hard to get over. It would be easy to tell you to go all out and do what you want but I won’t. It’s just sad. Sorry

Pecanpickles · 20/03/2018 20:41

We don’t have any mutual facebook friends, I don’t know if he’d believe that?

OP posts:

NotCornflakes · 20/03/2018 20:42

Do nothing. He is unlikely to remember a random girl from a uni fencing club nearly 20 years ago. Sorry.

Anythingforacatslife · 20/03/2018 20:44

Don’t obsess about a fencer, I’ve never met one who’s worth it (and I’m married to one!).

Just message him, see what happens.

Wishfulmakeupping · 20/03/2018 20:44

Do you know any of his fb friends from uni maybe add them first then wait a couple of weeks

MrsJoshDun · 20/03/2018 20:44

You can’t be in love with someone you’ve had no contact with for 16 years and barely knew then. Made me think of limerance as well.

By all means send him a fb friend request and a message asking him how he is. See how he responds.

VileyRose · 20/03/2018 20:45

Just message!

EnglishRose13 · 20/03/2018 20:46

Facebook suggested my mums best friend.

No mutual friends or in anyway connected otherwise.

Facebook just knows. He will believe it.

Quartz2208 · 20/03/2018 20:48

What have you got to lose. he blocks you and thinks you are nuts at least then you can start moving on

Totsntantrums · 20/03/2018 20:49

Can you access the groups that he follows? Any chance he has linked his profile education to the union follows a uni group? You could pretend to notice him when looking at one of the uni pages.

pickleface · 20/03/2018 20:50

Or at least just add him as a friend. What's the worst that could happen?

HairyToity · 20/03/2018 20:50

Not a clue. It depends if you are prepared to be hurt for tiny chance he remembers you and is interested, and of course is single. It's a very long shot, but if you think fuck it I dont mind making a tit of myself, then go for it.

Start with a friend request.

mummyhaschangedhername · 20/03/2018 20:53

I am with everyone else. Message him and say hi. See what happens.

Bixx · 20/03/2018 20:55

I don’t want to sound harsh but it’s highly likely that he doesn’t remember you. It was 20 odd years ago and you never even had a conversation let alone any kind of relationship! This is all in your head.

midnightmisssuki · 20/03/2018 20:56

just message him - if not - you have to forget him as it cant be helpful to keep thinking about him....

WhingyNinja · 20/03/2018 20:57

Message him, you've nothing to lose!

Hassled · 20/03/2018 20:57

I bet he's spent the last 16 years pining after the immature fencing girl who stole his heart. He moved to Australia because that was the only way he could get her out of his mind, but the pull was too strong and he came back on the off-chance. But when it came to it he knew there did need to be some distance, which is why he's now on the other side of the country - it was enough just to be on the same landmass.

So yes, befriend him. Everyone gets baffling FB suggestions from time to time - no-one challenges the algorithms of FB. He'll buy it.

Pecanpickles · 20/03/2018 20:58

@Bixx I know you’re probably right. But somehow I do feel like I know him?
I suppose I could try with a friend request and see what happens. He can always block me and I’ve lost nothing?

OP posts:

FlyingMonkeys · 20/03/2018 20:58

Send the request... Don't turn up in his neck of the woods/local pub!

Pecanpickles · 20/03/2018 20:59

@Hassled

OP posts:

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Dahlietta · 20/03/2018 20:59

Add him as a friend. If he turns down the friend request, you know he doesn't remember you well. Don't just send him a message without the friend request - they go into a secret inbox and there will be no way of telling whether he's read it or not!

thegreatbeyond · 20/03/2018 21:00

He's discovered he's gay. That's not his 'mate', it's his husband Pedro.

Dahlietta · 20/03/2018 21:00

PS 'secret inbox' is not the technical term

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