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AIBU?

AIBU to really hate my boyfriends interfering parents.

83 replies

Shootfirstaskquestionslater · 20/03/2018 19:50

not sure if AIBU or if it really is help. My boyfriends parents are really interfering and are starting to seriously piss me off. To start off with I liked them but things are now starting to go down hill they come in to my home and tell me what I should give up things like cups and a slow cooker that my parents gave to me they take me stuff and say they will store it in their house which means that I have to ask them for my stuff back when I need it which gives them an excuse to come round to my house they have taken food from my house before now. I'm now at the point where I'm struggling finacially and I can no longer keep a roof over my head my only choices are to either move back home or move in with my boyfriend but my boyfriends parents don't want me moving back home because in their mind that is a step back and they don't want me moving in with my boyfriend so what am I suppose to do end up homeless. They are trying to armchair diagonose me as having argraphobia I don't have that I have anxiety they think my new medication is some kind of mircale cure and that I should get a job if only it was that easy I can't leave the house on my own and they are trying to force me in to going back to therapy which I don't want. I've had his mum sit in the doctors with me. I'm getting seriously pissed off with them now and I've just had enough of them moving back home would give me peace from them. They think they are giving me the building blocks of life thats not what I need right now not when am worried about how am paying rent when I don't have the money. I refuse to speak to them about anything anymore but that doesn't stop my boyfriend from telling them everything. How do I keep them out of my life without losing it with them. I'm 28 I'm struggling with my mental health and now I'm struggling with the worlds most annoying parents who don't want their little boy to grow up he's not allowed to do anything and now neither am I.

OP posts:
Angrybird345 · 20/03/2018 19:51

Go back home for a while, get rid of bf and his parents, save up and move on.

BoucleJacket · 20/03/2018 19:52

Run for the hills OP.

They take your stuff away???

honeysucklejasmine · 20/03/2018 19:52

Your problem is your partner.

Slartybartfast · 20/03/2018 19:52

Do you have to let them in?
Is your house overcrowded,? too much Stuff?
Do you live on your own?

anneoneill · 20/03/2018 19:53

Why is a 28 year old giving their parter's parents a say in where she lives? (although they could reasonably have a say if you proposed moving in with them, which I don't think you are).

Do you rely on them for anything?

Bluelady · 20/03/2018 19:53

As I read that my jaw dropped further and further. Serious advice is to get all your stuff back and ditch the boyfriend. I think this is my very first LTB.

MissTwist · 20/03/2018 19:56

Definitely LTB and his crazy parents.

Shootfirstaskquestionslater · 20/03/2018 19:56

thank you Angrybird345 I want to go home but his parents don't want me to they think my mum is the problem but its them not her she's trying to help me.

Boculejacket yeah they take my stuff they call it storing it for me but they take I have been made give things away because of them.

honeysucklejasmine probably yeah because he'll never go against what they say he will always do what they want and I'm not willing to.

Slartybartfast sometimes I have no choice but to let them when I need something of mine back. No my house isn't overcroweded and I wouldn't say it was small either but they think it is and yes I live on my own but I can no longer afford to live by myself.

OP posts:
Gemini69 · 20/03/2018 19:59

no wonder you're having mental health issues ... if you get rid of the Boyfriend and by default his Parents.. I'm pretty sure your mental well being will dramatically improve.. right now you're feeling trapped helpless and violated... because you are... Flowers

GreenTulips · 20/03/2018 20:00

Just why are you letting these people make your decisions?

If you want to go home to your mum this your choice and it's not up for discussion - you don't have to tell them or discuss it with them -

Any reason the BF doesn't want to move in with you?

Shootfirstaskquestionslater · 20/03/2018 20:00

anneoneill I rely on them for nothing at all if I need anything its my own parents that I ask not them. I would never in a million years want to live with them I would rather sleep on a park bench with my 3 cats and I swear to god they are trying to get their hands on my cats.

thank you Bluelady I'm going to ask for everything back and just go back home.

thank you misstwist

I wasn't sure if I was being unreasonable but I guess I'm not I have so far managed to keep his mum out of my bedroom she is insisting on sorting that out. I've really just reached the end of my tether with them.

OP posts:
BiscayTrafalgarFitzroy · 20/03/2018 20:00

What on Earth? No one can tell you where to live especially your boyfriend's parents.

Just move back with your mum and block them from your life.

wishingitwasfriday · 20/03/2018 20:01

Get rid of bf and his parents and move home. Give yourself the space and time to deal with your mental health and then take it from there.

Shootfirstaskquestionslater · 20/03/2018 20:04

Gemini69 thats exactly how they make me feel and they just keeping spouting the same crap at me and telling me that I need a job and I need therapy and that they will take me to it all and come in to the therapy with me so I just refuse to go now.

GreenTulips I don't but they think they can sit there and tell what I should do and that I can't move back home and I can't move in with my boyfriend because he would have to keep me i'm stuck between the devil and the deep blue sea.

OP posts:
Shockers · 20/03/2018 20:06

Do you think they’ll give you your stuff back? They sound really odd!

Sadly, I agree with previous posters- I think your boyfriend will have to go if you want to reclaim your life.

Ragusa · 20/03/2018 20:06

Are you OK OP?

What mental health issues are you diagnosed with?

I am sure the lovely ladies on here will give practical help.

It sounds like your relationship isnt very healthy.

Tell us about your partner:
How was his childhood?
Does he work?
Have any struggles or issues apart from the tight apron strings?

Shootfirstaskquestionslater · 20/03/2018 20:07

thank you BiscayTrafalgarFitzroy They think they can they don't want us living together because I'm on benefits so my boyfriend would have to keep me. I'd rather just be back at home with my mum and dad and not have to deal with his parents anymore.

Thank you wishitwasfriday I think your right am best off at home where I can deal with things better and not have to worry about as much as I do now.

OP posts:
Daisymay2 · 20/03/2018 20:09

You are definately not being Unreasonable. Far from it!
Demand your items back immediately. Insist they hand the items over on your doorstep, and then once you have them do not let them back in your house. They cannot insist on coming in !
Ditch the boy friend- he is a bigger problem than his parents. He does not respect you if he tells his parents all your business
Needless to say do not allow them to attend any appointments with you,
Go back home and live with your mum for a while and get strong again.
I suspect some of your anxiety will diminish when you don't have to deal with them.

agbnb · 20/03/2018 20:10

OP, what do you want your life to look like?

Do you love your boyfriend enough to put up with years more of this crap?

If not, move back to your mum's and drop him, cut them out, breathe a sigh of relief.

If you do, do you think he'll ever be sufficiently on board with protecting you from them? (Probably not.)

The fact is that you cannot change them. People rarely do.

You need to figure out if you want your life to look like this, and how much you'll put up with to keep your boyfriend.

Is he worth it? Is he a life partner? Anything less than a 100% yes means you know what you need to do.

Get rid!

Shootfirstaskquestionslater · 20/03/2018 20:13

Shockers I'm really not sure if they would give me my stuff back.

Ragusa I'm fine I think just so much going on at the minute that I'm just feeling really lost and alone right now. I have depression and anxiety I can't go out by myself. He's lovely and tries his best to help and understand but he spends too much time listening to the crap that his parents come out with and his very quick to run off and tell them about what is going on with me. I don't know very much about his childhood other than his mum wasn't liked at all by his dads family and he has a half brother from his dads side that he doesn't really see or speak to because he's living his own life in canada my boyfriends mum has a thing for going on her husbands facebook and checking out her step sons facebook page to see what he's up to very strange. He works as a chef his parents say that he's got some learning problems and have drilled in to him that he's one step behind the rest of the world I don't know how true that is though.

OP posts:
eddielizzard · 20/03/2018 20:14

your bf's parents don't get a say in what you want to do. move back home, ask your parents to help you get your stuff back from his parents. then give yourself time to take stock and see how you're feeling. but they are way overstepping the mark.

agbnb · 20/03/2018 20:17

OP, you do realise that you have no obligation to have a relationship with them?

And that if you were to leave your boyfriend you never have to speak to, deal with, justify yourself to, explain to, these people ever again?

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username7979 · 20/03/2018 20:17

boyfriends? or boyfriend?

Gide · 20/03/2018 20:21

Tell them to give you your stuff back. There’s no negotiation on that!! Wtf, why have you let them take stuff? Why the hell are your boyfriend’s parents coming to your house in the first place?

Ragusa · 20/03/2018 20:21

This sounds like loads to deal with, just you and your DP. Do you have any external support, friends, etc? Maybe an outside perspective and shoulder to cry on (!) would be good.

Do you think your DP has learning difficulties or are his parents just saying that to maintain control over him?

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