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Who is being unreasonable... dd vs dh

(292 Posts)
xyla589 Tue 20-Mar-18 19:34:47

Dd19 likes having very long hot showers - she'll often be in the shower for 30-45 minutes.

Dh gets very angry about this because of the cost of the water and because sometimes she uses up all the hot water and he can't do the washing up.

They had a massive argument when this happened yesterday. He says that she can't spend more than 5 minutes in the shower any more. She says she'll have her shower when no-one else is at home and she'll give us part of her student loan to pay for it. Dh says that she's 'missing the point'.

Who is being unreasonable?

jarhead123 Tue 20-Mar-18 19:35:51

They both are a bit. 30 -45 minutes is crazy!

Perhaps compromise and ask her to reduce it to 15-20?

healthyheart Tue 20-Mar-18 19:36:06

Dd are you serious, what a waste of water ....

BoobleMcB Tue 20-Mar-18 19:36:29

Does the shower not run from the cold water surely?

completely misses point

IAmWonkoTheSane Tue 20-Mar-18 19:36:45

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

UtterlyUnimaginativeUsername Tue 20-Mar-18 19:37:38

Both. She's wasting a huge amount of water and energy. He's unreasonable to insist that money and availability of hot water are the issues, and then refuse to accept a solution that addresses both of those issues.

skippy67 Tue 20-Mar-18 19:37:39

Your dd is being unreasonable. 45 mins for a shower is ridiculous.

BoobleMcB Tue 20-Mar-18 19:38:04

Although I'd probably say your DH is bu from his cost perspective. I'd imagine that even a 45 min shower doesn't use much more water (if any) than a full bath?

witchofzog Tue 20-Mar-18 19:38:37

5 minutes is not enough and 45 minutes is too long. However this is obviously important to her as she has found a compromise which seems reasonable to me. Perhaps she could compromise further on 15 min showers most days with 2 longer ones on days where this will not inconvenience anyone else.

pudcat Tue 20-Mar-18 19:39:09

A shower is supposed to save water. Your dd is BU

Kaykay06 Tue 20-Mar-18 19:40:26

Had similar argument with 16 year old yesterday, he doesn’t open the window and is in there 20 minutes plus doing god knows what..I’m in and out in 5 as trying to get kids sorted for school and don’t see point of standing for ages tbh, waste of water etc.

Whilst she is under your roof ten minute showers are plenty, 45 minutes is ridiculous and when she gets her own home she can take as long as she wants, probably think diff when paying for her own electric, water etc I bet.
Just remember when you go to visit nice long hot showers

Dozer Tue 20-Mar-18 19:41:21

Your DD is being the most U. Selfish and costly behaviour.

5 mins is too short though and he can’t impose a deadline! 10-15 mins is more than enough time when hot water supply is an issue.

5foot5 Tue 20-Mar-18 19:41:37

I think there is something about the teenage brain that causes it to go in to a suspended mode when hot water falls on it! Our DD used to spend ages in there too. Having said that I think 40 minutes is a bit excessive. Your compromise sounds reasonable. Will they both listen to you?

xyla589 Tue 20-Mar-18 19:41:41

I suppose I'm naturally inclined to side with dd because she agreed to go to uni in our hometown, turning down an Imperial offer that had been her first choice, and to live at home to save us money. (We have 4 other kids so couldn't afford to supplement her loan despite being in top income bracket)

She also pointed out that had she lived in halls she could have had showers as long as she wanted.

Greenyogagirl Tue 20-Mar-18 19:41:55

Your dh is unreasonable, she could be lounging in the bath for an hour and I bet the shower doesn’t come close to filling the bath, she’s also said if money is the issue she’ll contribute, what more does he want

Hotteacoldheart Tue 20-Mar-18 19:42:01

Is it actually 45 minutes?! That seems obscenely long.

pasturesgreen Tue 20-Mar-18 19:42:03

Showering for 30-45 minutes (daily, I presume) is taking the piss quite spectacularly in terms of how much water gets wasted.

Your DD needs to give her head a serious wobble and start taking much shorter showers!

callmeadoctor Tue 20-Mar-18 19:42:24

A 30-45 minute shower is weird tbh, are you sure that she is not just in bathroom that time, putting make up on etc?

Tiddler7 Tue 20-Mar-18 19:43:32

I had a shower once with water staying in the bath to see how much water do I save having shower. Not much difference really. I have average size bath.

Clunj Tue 20-Mar-18 19:44:41

45 minutes is crazy, particularly if she is using up all the hot water. 5 is doable but I’d say 10 mins is a fair limit.

BoobleMcB Tue 20-Mar-18 19:45:37

Get her to shower with the plug in and see how long it takes to fill the bath?

NellytheElephant18 Tue 20-Mar-18 19:46:25

I guarantee you she’s wouldn’t be having 45 minute showers in halls, when there are 6/8/10 people in the accommodation with maybe 2/3 showers between them, all attempting to shower and get out for lectures or to get ready for a night out, there would be some very unimpressed students sharing with her.

xyla589 Tue 20-Mar-18 19:46:58

Get her to shower with the plug in and see how long it takes to fill the bath?

We only have stand alone showers unfortunately, or that would be an interesting experiment

LoopyLoo92 Tue 20-Mar-18 19:47:01

I would say they need to compromise. We can easily be in and out of the shower in 5 mins, I dont do the whole standing around doing nothing in the shower. However, i can lay in the bath for 30mins or longer.

Our bath takes 15 mins to run, so 45 mins in the shower is equivalent to 3 baths. (our shower runs off bath taps)...that is a bit OTT.

Its not right if all the water is being used for showers and none left for washing up!!

Walkingdeadfangirl Tue 20-Mar-18 19:47:59

Just tell DD to have her showers when no one else is home, then DH wont know how long she is in there. Its a bit creepy for a dad to be timing his daughter in the bathroom.

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