I have an 11 month dd who I can barely provide for. I'm very careful with money and it's always been tight since myself and dp moved in together. Bills and a roof over her head and her eating are my priority. I've gone without food myself for my family.
So work screwed me. They kept underpaying me and taking uneccesary things out my paycheck and then over paying me. Not sorting out maternity allowance and I can't claim SMP. Dp lost his job in December and can't get another but in all honesty it doesn't matter as I don't think we will be living together long. He's just here to help with dd now and for ds arrival.
So he sent off for jsa back in January. We've had no money off them for 2 months almost now. He was then told he needs to apply for income allowance. It's taken 2 months for them to sort it out. An because my payslips aren't accurate, the backdated payment isn't enough to even cover the credit card I needed for groceries because my work underpaid me for months. This money was backdated. But again. Bills, TV licence renewal, TV etc. All got in the way.
He's had a phone call from benefits saying he's entitled to something but I can't claim maternity allowance with it.
Ds.
My contraceptive failed. He was not planned and I was still bleeding. I didn't find out til 24 weeks when I went for bloods. I've struggled to bond with him. I've bought it up to Dp about adoption because I want the best for him. I can barely afford to provide for dd never mind ds. I have it in my head that he would be better off being a newborn in a family who were desperate for a baby who had money and stability (I should also add I'm loosing my home) it'd kill me. My heart wouldn't heal and I'd never forgive myself. But I can't help but consider it and it's killing me.
Dp isn't happy. Hes basically told me if I give him up he's taking him and he won't let me do it.
I feel so guilty. I'm due next week and I'm sure when I look at him. I'll be filled with love and joy but I don't know what's best
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Putting ds up for adoption.
123 replies
Forevertired19 · 20/03/2018 18:14
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