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To not care about your appearance anymore

(138 Posts)
Obi1Kenobi Tue 20-Mar-18 14:35:56

Basically I have thrown in the towel and given up. Running a home with 3 kids under 5, I just can’t be arsed. I don’t have the energy to put makeup on. Brushing my hair has become optional. Showering happens at some point in the day when there is time. Clothes are clean and washed, but I have lost the will to look good anymore!

AIBU to think that no one cares what I look like anyway as I am over 40 and a mum of 3. Or are they all judging me for being a slob?

Kids are impeccably dressed and presentable. I just look like a stressed out crazy bag lady.

Obi1Kenobi Tue 20-Mar-18 14:42:55

I want to care but haven’t the energy. What can you do in 5 minutes (hair/makeup/clothes) to look presentable again?

Onlyoldontheoutside Tue 20-Mar-18 14:46:58

It's a while ago but I dyed my eyelashes and got a wash and go hairstyle(I have very straight hair so easy with a good cut).
I am now nearer to 60and can do what I like as I have become nvisible.

OhHolyJesus Tue 20-Mar-18 14:47:53

In 5 mins I would tie hair up, curl eyelashes and apply under eye concealer and a bit of blush, lip balm. Ideally do eyebrows or dye them so it doesn't need to be done every day. Brush teeth and get dressed.

You could get clothes ready the night before to avoid chucking on stuff that doesn't go together in a rush, if you can find the energy! Do give up, you might be over 40 but you're not dead and taking just a bit of time for yourself can brighten your mood, but only for yourself. Clean hair and clothes is all I manage some days and I only have one DC xx

skippy67 Tue 20-Mar-18 14:50:18

It doesn't take long to brush your hair...

Obi1Kenobi Tue 20-Mar-18 14:51:20

Exactly that’s how I feel invisible Only. Like no one care anyway so why should I? But I want to care.

Yes getting clothes ready the night before is a good idea as I do it for the kids. Makes life easier. I have had a good haircut but every morning it looks like I spelt in a hurricane!

Onlyoldontheoutside Tue 20-Mar-18 14:51:28

If you can do anything to light your load,be less tired and defeated this will do more for your looks than anything else.Also it is not about what others think but how you feel,just getting your grooming for other people just becomes another stick to beat yourself with.

Obi1Kenobi Tue 20-Mar-18 14:51:36


NoqontroI Tue 20-Mar-18 14:51:40

It doesn't matter what other people think as long as you're happy.

Obi1Kenobi Tue 20-Mar-18 14:52:43

True skippy but my hair is unmanageable. Also I have 3 kids to get ready every morning. Their hair is a priority. One has serious bedhead like me.

kaytee87 Tue 20-Mar-18 14:54:17

Do you care what you look like?
Clothes out the night before, shower with youngest in with you and others in front of tv.
Regular eyebrow wax/tints, hair cut&colour and regular manicure.
B.B. cream & mascara only 5 minutes.
Obviously if you don't care then it doesn't matter.

kaytee87 Tue 20-Mar-18 14:55:16

How long is your hair? I put mine in a plate at night to keep it neat although I tend to wash it nearly every day anyway.

Obi1Kenobi Tue 20-Mar-18 14:56:14

I do care but don’t know where to start again. When I worked full time I was dressed to the nines. Makeup done, hair done and clothes too. Now I just look a mess.

Bluelady Tue 20-Mar-18 14:57:18

A quick dash of bright lipstick makes me feel "done".

bonzo77 Tue 20-Mar-18 14:57:50

I’m in your boat too OP. However I always shower first thing (if necessary my kids eat breakfast sandwiches in the car on way to school to save time). Then later in the day (usually during lunch time nap ) I wet and blow dry my fringe and put on some blusher and High lighter and a squirt of perfume. Takes max 5 minutes. Clothing wise I have a uniform really: skinny jeans or leggings with trainers / boots / birkenstocks. Long length t with hoody or sweater and scarf depending on weather. Wearing all black apart from one item makes overall effect fairly coordinated but not too dreary.

SomeKnobend Tue 20-Mar-18 14:58:58

Are you me? I have also recently run out of fucks to give as to how hideous attractive I look. I'm not there for decoration, if I spent time I don't have trying to look my best I'd most likely still look fat/old/unattractive to most people anyway, so why bother? Meh.

BakerBear Tue 20-Mar-18 15:01:09

Im the same! This week i have been moaning that i always look a bloody state!

I ve got make up unopened which i ve had over 18 months. I cant remember the last time i wore any make up its not been in the last 2 years i know that.

Hair needs washing every other day as its greasy and needs straightening otherwise its a wavy mess!

My clothes are not nice as i have no idea what suits me and i have a c section overhand which is visable in jeans and jeggings so i end up wearing leggings every single day with a sort of fit and flare dress which look too old for me!

However my house is in good order and my kids always look well dressed and clean and hair nice but i look like shit!

skippy67 Tue 20-Mar-18 15:02:55

Plait your hair at night so it's not such a challenge in the morning? Or don't, it's obviously up to you.

Ihatemyclients Tue 20-Mar-18 15:04:39

If you want very easy solutions, I highly recommend eyelash extensions and getting your brows waxed and tinted. Also a haircut which deals well with a wash and dry and no styling required!

That said I'm sure you look much better than you think (people always do!) and it sounds like you're doing a great job as a mum so please don't beat yourself up about this! X

kaytee87 Tue 20-Mar-18 15:05:56

Plate grin** you know what I meant

Ivebeenaroundtheblock Tue 20-Mar-18 15:06:25

I don’t care what anyone wears or looks like as long as they don’t smell foul.

Bluntness100 Tue 20-Mar-18 15:08:07

When I've no time, I plait my hair, put something clean and presentable on ie even it just decent top and jeans and a little concealer, mascara, blusher , some perfume, and I'm good to go. A bit of tinted moisutiser works. Shower before bed the night before? Clean underwear and brush your teeth in the morning. Clothes laid out before bed?

juneau Tue 20-Mar-18 15:08:23

There's a little video that the Beauty and the Boutique woman does to show you how to look dramatically better with just three products. It changed my life - anyone has time to apply three products and it does only take 5 mins (plus you don't have to get the products she uses -
any concealer, mascara and lip gloss does the trick:

AdoraBell Tue 20-Mar-18 15:09:14

Perfume is my go to trick. That and leaving the house everyday, weather permitting.

As others have said, nothing to do with what other people think. If you are happy without make up and hair doing it’s own thing then just rock on.

But if you want to feel more “put together” then take some of the advice on board and see how you go. Just don’t put yourself under pressure.

MirriVan Tue 20-Mar-18 15:10:01

It depends. If you really give absolutely no shits about what you look like - go for it and be happy! The fact that you've posted this thread though suggests mixed feelings.
When you were dressing well for work, did you enjoy the process, and feeling that you looked good? If it was a hassle then, then work on not feeling guilty that you don't do it now.
If however, it brought a certain amount of pleasure at the time, I think it's worth holding on to. You priorities have (rightfully!) changed, but it really doesn't take too much time to put a bit of thought and effort into your appearance. I know that three young children are incredibly hard work, but this is really a golden age of their childhood (though it might not feel like it...). Do you really want to be looking back at all the photos from this era and be thinking 'whoa, I really let myself go!'? (In reality, you probably won't think this - more like 'I was so hot when I was younger and didn't know it grin )

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