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Aibu? To have left friend's birthday night out

(151 Posts)
Spoolie Mon 19-Mar-18 16:56:16

Sorry this is a bit of a long one. We'd all gotten ready for a friend's birthday night out on Saturday (going for a meal and then drinks and dancing) and I'd bought a dress that I felt comfy and dare I say it- pretty in. I've been loosing weight slowly (2 stone off) ever since having my DD 6 months ago. I was overweight before I got pg by an determined to lead a healthy lifestyle so my daughter doesn't end up like I did.

Anyway so we were all at my friend's getting ready, my friend commented on my dress saying it was lovely when a friend of my friend (I know her by name but that's about it) commented "oh but it's not really clubby? Is it. Still I suppose it covers all the lumps and bumps!" I was a bit confused at this but I let it go because I'm not petty but somehow the conversation got on to dieting because someone in the group was doing the Cambridge diet and I shared about my weight loss too and that I was still dieting. This woman pipes up then that "holy Christ you must have been huge to start with then". Now I don't know this woman really but have always been friendly when in group situations and I don't know why she would say something like that. Me being anxious old me just made it into a joke and laughed it off so I don't think the other girls really remembered the comment or wanted to say anything but it was a bit awkward for a while.

I didn't want to cause an atmosphere so just stayed out of conversation from then on really but the final straw came when we were at the restaurant later and when the waiter came over and i ordered I wanted she then went "oh I thought you were on a diet shouldn't you be having a salad?" And laughed. I was just so embarrassed at this point that I just said to my friend that I was going home and to have a nice evening and left. My friend text me the morning after and we hadn't a bit of an argument about it as she thinks I overreacted and that it was just her friend's sense of humour and I shouldn't be so sensitive. AIBU to have been upset by this? Or have I been immature? I know I wasn't probably BU for walking off but I was close to tears at that point and feeling really attacked and unsupported by my friend. Feeling quite isolated as it is and i was really looking forward to a night out to have fun and now I just feel bad/guilty.

flowerslemonade Mon 19-Mar-18 16:58:57

Her friend sounds horrible especially the middle comment. I would've said something to hr (and probably regretted it) so i think you did the right thing by leaving.
Hope u r ok.

DarkRoomDarren Mon 19-Mar-18 16:59:24

Yanbu. I’d have done the same. Acquaintance sounds horrible and I’d not be very impressed with the friend who refused to support you either.

Well done on weight loss! I’ve just had my second baby and badly need a diet overhaul. Hope I manage what you have as 2 stone in 6 months sounds like a great achievement.

PaperdollCartoon Mon 19-Mar-18 16:59:27

You were right to leave, this woman was being a bitch for no reason. Even if it was ‘a joke’ it’s a shit joke and really no need for it. You could have made a big scene but you just left, the mature response. Your friend should be mad at her rude friend, not at you.

toolonglurking Mon 19-Mar-18 17:00:20

It's a shame you missed a good night out because your friend's friend is a complete bitch, but I say good on you for leaving.
I bet she's one of those women who claims to 'say it as she sees it'. I hate them.
Incidentally I bet you looked fabulous and she's just a knob.

PositivelyPERF Mon 19-Mar-18 17:01:07

Your friend’s friend is a nasty arsehole and your own friend is horrible for siding with her. I hate this ‘humour’ bullshite that is used to behave like a nasty fucker. Did she seriously expect you to just sit their while her mate slabbered at you? Good for you for walking away.

GingerFoxx Mon 19-Mar-18 17:01:51

OMG Yanbu. Totally rude and horrible of this woman and your friend let you down too IMO

mimibunz Mon 19-Mar-18 17:02:41

You were not being U or immature. The woman was crass and mean-spirited. Nothing to do with ‘her sense of humour’. Sounds like your friend should choose nicer people to be in her life! Btw, congratulations on your weight loss and that new baby! What an exciting time in your life!! smile

ChasedByBees Mon 19-Mar-18 17:02:42

YANBU in the slightest and I’m sorry your friend didn’t support you more. Humour doesn’t excuse those type of comments, they’re just nasty.

angryburd Mon 19-Mar-18 17:03:08

The friend-of-a-friend sounds like a complete boot and your "friend" should have told her to shut up.

FrancisCrawford Mon 19-Mar-18 17:03:22

That woman was ignorant, rude and cruel

If that is her sense of humour, then she’s a bully. And your friend is a numpty for defending her aggressive behaviour. Clearly she was never taught that it is rude to make personal comments

Well done or your weight loss. 2 stone in 6 months is brilliant

HeedMove Mon 19-Mar-18 17:04:01

You absolutely were right to leave. Sorry she ruined your night, sounds like she was threatened by you to be such a bitch. I wouldn’t be very impressed by supposed friend either. Had one of my friends told me another friend said those three comments I wouldn’t of been happy at all with the one who said it and would of told them.

gamerchick Mon 19-Mar-18 17:04:43

You did the right thing. I would have called her on it and probably ruined the night for everyone, because I fucking hate bullying types.

Tell your friend you’re disappointed in her argument and the lack of sticking up for you, that you would have stuck up for her in her position and that you don’t wish to socialise with that person again.

2 stone off is mint, bloody bravo grin

Hadalifeonce Mon 19-Mar-18 17:05:20

No, YNBU, this other woman sounds like a real piece of work. If you speak with your friend again, you should point out, that persistent derogatory comments about you is not a sense of humour, and it made you feel very uncomfortable, which is why you left, so as not to spoil the evening for the other people there.

Cyberworrier Mon 19-Mar-18 17:06:15

My goodness, you weren’t being unreasonable or overreacting. Well done on your successful dieting and positive ambitions for bringing up your daughter.
This woman sounds insufferably rude and insensitive. You put up with it, trying to not ruin your friends birthday, but reached your limit after being treated horribly by this bizarre woman repeatedly. I think gracefully withdrawing was the sensible thing to do as she probably would have got worse when drunk and if you had confronted her she may have tried to fight you (as she sounds like a moron).
Your friend should understand how you felt. To give her benefit of the doubt, maybe she doesn’t really know what happened?

ProseccoPoppy Mon 19-Mar-18 17:06:26

Another coming on to say that friend of a friend is clearly a knob. You handled that far better than I would - I think I’d have either cried or caused a huge row - walking away was the best you could do in a shitty situation.

LynetteScavo Mon 19-Mar-18 17:07:19

Why would you stay somewhere where you you being insulted? Well done for leaving.

SnowWhitesRestingBitchFace Mon 19-Mar-18 17:07:41

My instant reaction to the whole situation is that you probably looked really lovely and she was threatened by that and couldn't help making catty comments to make herself feel better.

She sounds horrible and if your friend thinks her behaviour was acceptable then she's horrible too.

ThroughThickAndThin01 Mon 19-Mar-18 17:08:14

Yanbu. She was being a thorough bitch. Who makes not one but three awful comments. Your friend should be more supportive of you.

SpringNowPlease2018 Mon 19-Mar-18 17:08:57

you did the right thing
that is not someone making a joke

tbh the fact that your friend didn't see your perspective would make me ditch her

unfortunately people like this horrible one are tolerated constantly - that's how they get away with it. in a way, it's good to know who to avoid I suppose - and you did exactly that. There was no point in staying there with someone who was clearly intent on making you feel bad. sorry this happened to you. flowers

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar Mon 19-Mar-18 17:08:58

Your friend is a bit of a dick also, putting the other one's pig ignorance down to a "sense of humour" hmm

poughkeepsiegirl Mon 19-Mar-18 17:09:14

It's cruelty dressed as humour. And in my book it's bullying.

JauntyAngle Mon 19-Mar-18 17:09:44

The mutual friend is an utter wanker. Your friend is a spineless twat.

You definitely didn't overreact. I would have left after the first comment so I think you're a bigger person that I am.

Fuck both of them. You don't need vile people like that in your life.

Congratulations on the weight loss. Two stone is amazing!

Aeroflotgirl Mon 19-Mar-18 17:10:42

The 'friend' is rude and tactless, and I would be made at your so called friend for not supporting you. I hate it when people are rude, and its "oh its just them", "they are saying it how it is", that kind of reaction, and pulling them up on it, is allowing them to continue this behaviour. YOu were totally right, I would have told your friend how hurt you were, and that she had no right humiliating you like that, especially in front of others. To be honest, she made herself look like a very nasty person. I would not be going anywhere with them again.

DeadGood Mon 19-Mar-18 17:11:45

Shift the dynamic here OP. Don’t doubt that your friend should have stuck up for you.

You are the wronged party here, not your friend and not that viper that made the comments. I don’t mean that in a “play the victim here” way, just that you should remain confident in your position. That you feel a bit sorry for your friend that she isn’t stronger to stand up to her other “friend”. That you’re prepared to look past it this time but you wont put up with it again. And that you don’t accept those sorts of “jokes” because you don’t need it in your life.

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