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AIBU?

Would you or am I being unfair to my dd?

66 replies

Greggers2017 · 19/03/2018 15:54

Hi I have 3 children in the same primary school and dd aged 10 and dsd aged 9, they're in year 5. Ds is almost 9 and in year 4. Ds has high functioning autism
My partner is currently off work due to an operation. He is at home all day. I am back at work. My dd and dsd walk home from school to my partner everyday. It's a 5-10 minute walk through a new build housing estate. Would it be unfair of me to ask the schools permission to let my son walk home with his sisters after school? As at the minute I am still paying for after school club fees for my son until I get there which seems a waste of money if my partner is at home.
School only usually let years 5 and 6 walk home but o think they'll be ok if he's walking with his sisters.

What are your thoughts? Is it fair on my daughter to have to wait for him to walk home with her.

OP posts:

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Earlyup · 19/03/2018 15:57

Why does she have to wait? Because of the after-school club?

Blackteadrinker77 · 19/03/2018 15:59

I personally wouldn't as I don't agree with children being responsible for other children. If something happens they would feel it was their fault.

Can your husband not make it for him?

Greggers2017 · 19/03/2018 16:06

No my partner is recovering from a back operation so is at home but can't walk far.

She'd just have to wait outside her classroom for a few minutes until he gets to her. They both finish at the same time at the same school.

OP posts:

Blackteadrinker77 · 19/03/2018 16:08

Could one of the other parents no walk them around for you?

NewYearNewMe18 · 19/03/2018 16:09

Only you know the dynamics of your children, whether your DS would be 'obedient' and go home amiably or whether he might play her up and challenge her authority. Ask to give it a trial run.

BastardGoDarkly · 19/03/2018 16:10

Of course it's not unfair.

Families pull together.

It makes sense to me op, have you asked your dd?

Greggers2017 · 19/03/2018 16:12

Ye I asked my dd. She was fine with it but I didn't want to seem to be being unfair to her.

I grew up be oldest of 7 and had to look after my younger siblings a lot so didn't want to be doing the same to her.

No other parent can. I don't know any of them as I work full time and the kids usually go to breakfast and after school club. And we've only been at this school a year. Sounds silly that doesn't it.

OP posts:

claraschu · 19/03/2018 16:13

I think it depends on the children. Mine would have been fine with this, in fact they were fine with something far more tricky after school. I certainly wouldn't worry about making your daughter wait for a few minutes.

Earlyup · 19/03/2018 16:14

If she's just waiting a few minutes I don't see the problem...unless they don't get on and you know there might be problems. Not much of the year left anyway !

kaytee87 · 19/03/2018 16:18

I don't understand how this could ever be considered unfair to be honest

rocketgirl22 · 19/03/2018 16:19

I think they are too young. I would make alternative arrangements.

MacaroniPenguin · 19/03/2018 16:20

I think they will probably say no. Y4 will be chock full of children with siblings in Y5 and Y6. They surely must have a blanket policy or all the Y4s with sibs in Y6 would be walking. It would be a safeguarding thing so it's not going to be a case of it being ok if just for a week.

But re your actual question, personally no i wouldn't. I don't leave my very sensible 11 year old in charge of her 9 year old autistic brother unsupervised.

Sirzy · 19/03/2018 16:20

If the school rule is only to let year 5 and 6 walk home alone then I probably won’t even ask.

Given that autism can often be rather unpredicatable then I think asking his sister to have that responsility could wel be too much anyway

rocketgirl22 · 19/03/2018 16:21

I think the 10 year old is too young to be in charge of an 9 and 8 year old walking home esp given his autism. It is a big ask.

How many roads? Do they know what to do if one gets lost? Do they have phones? What happens if something goes wrong....

No, I wouldn't do it.

MacaroniPenguin · 19/03/2018 16:22

For me it's not the waiting that's the issue, I'd be fine with that. It's that they are too young for the responsibility if anything goes wrong.

Arapaima · 19/03/2018 16:23

I'd be happy for my DC to do this and I think it would be fine to ask the school, but be prepared that they will probably say no. If they have a general 'year 5 and above' rule they're unlikely to relax it for one child.

Greggers2017 · 19/03/2018 16:23

He's got very high functioning autism he's not very unpredictable, just likes to know what's happening.
They'd basically just walk down the hill once out the back entrance of the school grounds. You can almost see the house from there.
They all get on very well. I think it's just me that's worrying about it. My partner would obviously be looking out for them. School have previously done it for year four children with a written letter of consent from parents. I have enquired before.
He is just a bit fed up his sisters are getting to go home but he has to stay at school

OP posts:

Witchend · 19/03/2018 16:24

My dd1 walked dd2 home (40 minutes walk) when they were year 6 and 3. They enjoyed the independence (although not always the walk!).

But I didn't have dd2 walking ds at the same ages because the dynamics between them are different.

Greggers2017 · 19/03/2018 16:26

Hi my dd and dsd both have phones. There's only the road out the front of the house to cross. Very quiet road and partner can be looking out for them.

OP posts:

RavenWings · 19/03/2018 16:26

Waiting only a couple of minutes is nothing. You know your kids, if you think they'd cope let them at it. It'd be good for their independence.

bridgetreilly · 19/03/2018 16:27

I would ask. If they say no, then they say no, but I don't think you have anything to lose by asking.

kaytee87 · 19/03/2018 16:29

I'm surprised at people saying 10,9 and almost 9yo's are too young to walk home from school

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Greggers2017 · 19/03/2018 16:30

Obviously if it was a long way I wouldn't be letting them walk home.

OP posts:

SpringEquinox · 19/03/2018 16:33

If you are comfortable with this - and it sounds as if you have thought it through properly- then you would have nothing to lose by asking.

NomDeWho · 19/03/2018 16:34

It’s absolutely fine. It’s a very common arrangement or at least it used to be. It’s a short walk and it doesn inconvenience anyone. Go for it.

Just make sure he is clear he can only walk home with him and make sure they don’t forget to meet him. I would write a 3 on her hand for the first few days so she remember that the 3 of them are going home together.

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