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to be hurt regarding my DM's comments

(69 Posts)
poughkeepsiegirl Sun 18-Mar-18 22:09:54

I am pregnant with my second DC. I already have a DD who is 4.

I'm 30 weeks pregnant and the whole pregnancy has been plagued with bad luck - not the actual pregnancy I should add but within the family. One family member died quite suddenly, another has received the last rites within the past couple of days and another was on the brink of death just after new year. It really has been boody miserable and I didn't announce my pregnancy until I was 24 weeks due to the real awfulness of what was and still continues to go on sad I also had a miscarriage in May last year which I coped well with and moved on quite quickly in the hope it had just been one off bad luck. I think it's just been a shitty shitty year altogether.

Anyway onto my AIBU. My DH and I were round at my DM and DF's today and I started to talk about the new baby and how we'd need to start looking at buying some things and I was looking forward to focussing on something positive. I was saying that if it's a boy I'd need to to buy news clothes (a lot of my DD's clothes are vac packed) and we're going to buy a baby swing. Mentioned some names we liked etc. Just general chat after barely mentioning my pregnancy for the past 30 weeks. My Dm Went a bit funny during the convo and my DH also noticed this.

Once we'd left she text me to say that she thought we were scrounging for money blush now my DH and I have never asked for money from our parents and probably never would unless it was financial dire straits. I am so embarrassed and angry that when I finally after 7 months of pregnancy start to speak about it and getting organised I'm accused of scrounging.

My DH thinks it's hilarious and that she's lost the plot.

I don't even know what to say or do! HELP!

MrsMozart Sun 18-Mar-18 22:13:25

Text back or call to say no to needing or wanting any money from them and then move on.

Congratulations by the way. I'm sorry for your sadnesses and hope for happier times for you.

TidyDancer Sun 18-Mar-18 22:13:38

Maybe she just read something into the tone in which you said it. Surely you just need to reply and confirm she's got it wrong? I think given what you've all been through recently you take the path that causes the least drama here and that would be to iron this out - hopefully your DM will accept that and move on.

Snowysky20009 Sun 18-Mar-18 22:14:42

Just text and say 'I'm sorry you misinterpreted what we were saying, we were just trying to shed some joy after such an awful year. We are hurt that you feel this way' and leave it at that.
Congratulations smile I bet dd can't not wait to be a big sister!

user1485778793 Sun 18-Mar-18 22:15:17

I agree with your dh. She's lost the plot.

Don't feel embarrassed, you haven't done anything embarrassing, it's just baby chit chat. If you said those things to a friend do you think they'd react in the same way she did? I don't think so.

poughkeepsiegirl Sun 18-Mar-18 22:16:05

I will text her and tell her money is the last thing I want off her.

However, it puts me in a situation where I don't feel comfortable discussing all the things about getting organised. I had wanted to ask her opinion on a couple of things and now I just think why bother or I'll be accused of wanting money from her sad

poughkeepsiegirl Sun 18-Mar-18 22:17:33

Haha snowsky she has asked if it can live with her cousin part time so she can still have her toys to herself sometimes grin might have our work cut out a bit grin

SmitheringSmithison Sun 18-Mar-18 22:18:03

I would literally send a text back along the lines of ‘How odd of you to think that. I can assure you we weren’t’. Then I would try and put it out of my mind, she may have her own reasons to be a mood hoover but you don’t have to engage. flowers your allowed to look towards the light in what sounds like has been a very rough time.

SmitheringSmithison Sun 18-Mar-18 22:19:21

*you’re even

Janel85 Sun 18-Mar-18 22:19:58

Bless you, so awkward and really unfair of her. If it was me I would text her back, or get your DH to text her back and say something along the lines of “I’m really hurt by your assumption that me sharing my excitement about things we’re going to buy for our baby has been misconstrued as us “scrounging” for money. As you know it has been a really tough year for me and so I haven’t felt able to express my joy at this pregnancy as much as I should have, I’m really sad that when I did allow myself to enjoy it in your presence you’ve taken it that way, I assure you we were in no way attempting scrounge, as you put it, and are perfectly capable of providing everything the baby needs. If us indulging in our excitement in front of you makes you feel uncomfortable then we won’t discuss it around you again, which would be a shame for us all I think. I hope we can forget about this conversation now and put it behind us.”

CherryMaDeary Sun 18-Mar-18 22:20:59

I wouldn't bother involving her in any aspect of the pregnancy anymore.

I would be very short, sharp and clear in my response.

'We do need or want your money. I won't bother you with any further details about my pregnancy.'

gamerchick Sun 18-Mar-18 22:22:33

I wouldn’t be as nice tbh.

I would (and have in the past) thank them for their high opinion of me and then go radio silent until they contact me. Let the buggers stew.

Snowysky20009 Sun 18-Mar-18 22:24:52

poughkeepsiegirl lol bless her. When we told ds1 (who was 5 at the time) he was going to be a big brother, he asked if he could have a puppy instead 🤷🏻‍♀️Lol

PasstheStarmix Sun 18-Mar-18 22:29:22

I can sympathise with you @poughkeepsiegirl as my own dm has certainly had her moments. They say some screwed up things sometimes don’t they!?! I’d text back and say that you’ve never asked for money before so don’t understand where her comment came from. Just say as it happens you were wanting her opinion on a couple of items and nothing more. It sounds like your DM is in a negative place at the moment to jump to conclusions like that. Congratulations on your pregnancy and how exciting flowers

Fishface77 Sun 18-Mar-18 22:33:54

Cherry’s reply is perfect.
Bet it’s not the first time your DM has spoiled them for you op.

Fishface77 Sun 18-Mar-18 22:34:20

*Spoiled things.

poughkeepsiegirl Sun 18-Mar-18 22:38:30

She is a good mum to me and generally great. She is very close to my DD so today just seemed so bizarre. I could understand if I did ask her for money but I'm 34 and I've never once went cap in hand to my parents since I've had a Saturday job confused I've texted her cherry's response as I really want to knock this on the head

Allthewaves Sun 18-Mar-18 22:45:04

I wouldn't snap back at her. She asked if you were hinting for money. Just keep it light and say 'don't be daft mum, I was just talking about bits I need to get'. If you havnt discussed these gongs with her at all before now then she's just got the wrong end of the stick. You ob have a good relationship if she can be so honest with yoj

NotTakenUsername Sun 18-Mar-18 22:50:48

It’s just so odd. Have they given you gifts with the other children? Do they struggle financially? Did they have to pay towards the funeral you mentioned?

Leyani Sun 18-Mar-18 22:51:13

If she's also been having a tough time, I'd try to sort it unconfrontationally. No one needs more drama. Maybe say something like 'Sorry dear DM, you really got that wrong. With all that's been going on, I've not had the chance to think about baby things, and wanted to involve you as I'm getting excited about our new arrival and really need to start preparing. To be honest, I'm quite upset by your text, I was hoping we could go out choosing things together, as a nice mum and daughter thing to do'. Or so...'

Duckeggbluetin Sun 18-Mar-18 22:56:53

Good grief why on earth wouldntt they want to buy a few things for the baby anyway? I could not be doing with that at all.

poughkeepsiegirl Sun 18-Mar-18 22:58:53


They bought a chest of drawers for DD I think and she used to pick up bits and pieces like clothes throughout my first pregnancy. I wouldn't expect it with this pregnancy because it's our second and also with what's been going on no one has really paid the pregnancy any attention - myself included tbh. They've had no funeral costs to pay.

I feel a bit guilty that my DDs pregnancy was talked about at the very least and this one has been largely ignored and now I'm back to not being able to mention it.

My MIL has started mentioning it now - I think she felt bad mentioning it when so much was going wrong

AnnieAnoniMouse Sun 18-Mar-18 22:59:14

Congratulations! 💐. Tell DD it’s ok, AuntyAnnie will be happy to mind the baby for Mummy & Daddy! 😊

I’m sorry you’ve had such a rough year.

What a horrible thing for your Mum to text - and spineless to text too, if she had something to say, she should have said it there and then.

Do you have siblings that constantly ‘borrow’ money off them?

Anyway, you can ask us what you were going to ask her. We all like a bit of a disagreement over whether you need a heated wipes box or not! Or the best pram...

Littlelambpeep Sun 18-Mar-18 23:01:30

Glad you text her that. I would be very hurt. Enjoy this special time op xx

CaffeineBomb Sun 18-Mar-18 23:05:22

How hurtful. I'm glad you're starting to enjoy your pregnancy and sorry you've had such a tough time flowers

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