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To think he's hiding something or just being a complete b@stard

(134 Posts)
allthestars Sun 18-Mar-18 18:40:55

Sorry this is long as don't want to drip feed, things have not been good with my husband and I for a while. I love him so, so much and really feel/felt like he was my soulmate but over the last 6 months or so things have really changed. He's become distant, we hardly speak, sex is almost non-existent and we can't go more than a few days without arguing about things - we can't seem to communicate properly.

I'm not suggesting it's all his fault, my work has been ridiculous, I've been working every hour god sends and am also pretty short tempered so know I'm not the easiest to live with.

We had a massive row last month and it ended up with me moving him out for a week because I just felt like we needed some space. We sorted things out and I came back and things have been ok, not brilliant but much better than they were.

This afternoon he's upstairs on his laptop, I go up to give him a cuddle and an email flashes up in the corner all I can see is the name of who it's from and it says "sounds like you need to get your head sorted. If I was next to you in bed..."
That's all I could see because it was the preview pane and as soon as I said that's weird who is xxx he slammed the email shut and told me to go away. Cue the last hour of me asking to see the email and him saying no. To the point he's put the laptop under his pillow and took it into the bathroom with him when he went to the loo!! He says it's spam and I've said I'm sure it is but in that case why can't he show it to me. He says he shouldn't have to and I've tried to explain it's his reaction that is weird - if it's spam then just show it to me.

To be clear I've never asked to see his messages/emails etc before and I wouldn't have even thought to if I hadn't seen that flash up. He says I'm behaving like a mad woman and should just trust him.

Am I mad? What the heck do I do now? AIBU to think that's not normal behaviour?

sofato5miles Sun 18-Mar-18 18:42:32

You've caught him red handed

LayerShortOfALasagne Sun 18-Mar-18 18:43:59

Uh oh he’s busted

Aprilmightmemynewname Sun 18-Mar-18 18:45:18

Sounds like the right time to repack his stuff. For good this time.

Sparklesocks Sun 18-Mar-18 18:45:23

Sorry OP, it doesn’t look good at all.

kitchensinkmum Sun 18-Mar-18 18:45:29

Oh goodness he sounds like someone who's been caught out. Now behaving like a naughty child

HighlyUnlikely Sun 18-Mar-18 18:45:41

I’m afraid you know the answer. He has something to hide. Sorry.

nippey Sun 18-Mar-18 18:46:07

You’ve caught him out, if there was nothing to hide he would let you see it. The fact he is trying to turn it on you is a classic move.

PNGirl Sun 18-Mar-18 18:46:30

That's a woman he is at the very least flirting/having an EA with and using her to complain about you.

It sounds like he's said you're not having enough sex and she's saying "If I were in bed next to you we wouldn't be getting much sleep" or similar.

Seeing this email would be an absolute deal breaker for me. And if he refused I would say I have to take that as evidence of guilt.

Cuppaoftea Sun 18-Mar-18 18:47:35

I'd tell him calmly that he needs to stop patronising you and tell you the truth. That your marriage is over anyway if there isn't honesty between you.


Pixiedown123 Sun 18-Mar-18 18:48:14

Can you log into his email from your phone ?

Allthecoolkids Sun 18-Mar-18 18:48:46

He either shows you this so called spam or his marriage is over, in my opinion.

FizzyGreenWater Sun 18-Mar-18 18:48:47


Pack his bags while he's busy carrying his laptop around like a worried hamster.

MinesABabyGuiness Sun 18-Mar-18 18:49:27

100% he has something to hide.

allthestars Sun 18-Mar-18 18:49:59

I just can't believe he's actually be sleeping with someone. I can believe he's been talking to someone about things that he shouldn't have been but he literally is at home all the time. He goes to bed ridiculously early (he's taking antidepressants and has been through a big bereavement this year).

I don't actually know what to do now. I've told him if it's then I'll feel like a complete idiot. I would never have questioned him if I hadn't seen that.

I've said that if he is point blank refusing to show me even if I'm wrong just to stop me feeling like this, then he can back his bags and go - which he's refusing to do.

GreenVoyage Sun 18-Mar-18 18:50:02

"Show me the email or pack your bags, their your two choices".

GreenVoyage Sun 18-Mar-18 18:51:06

In that case pack them for him and chuck them out the window. Fucking arseholes just been busted!

GrannyGrissle Sun 18-Mar-18 18:51:32

What a twat. His embarassing and gaslighting behaviour after being busted are more repulsive then the EA. Get rid.

GayAllen Sun 18-Mar-18 18:52:02

Yup. He’s cheating.

Babyplaymat Sun 18-Mar-18 18:52:40

Bags or email.

LemonSqueezy0 Sun 18-Mar-18 18:53:04

The fact he won't show with you tells you all you need to know. It might be innocent (it's not) but the distinct lack of care for you and lack of any attempt to reassure you means you need to start thinking of the future..

AnyFucker Sun 18-Mar-18 18:53:26

Bang to rights

Crunchymum Sun 18-Mar-18 18:53:51

If he took the laptop to the loo then I can guarantee he has deleted the message.

MyBrilliantDisguise Sun 18-Mar-18 18:54:30

You know when he goes to bed ridiculously early? He's a) checking out of your marriage and b) sending messages to another woman.

It's so clear to us that he's having some sort of affair, OP. Maybe she's married, so he can't meet her at night anyway.

You left last time. It's his time to go now.

Eliza9917 Sun 18-Mar-18 18:55:20

He's prob on his phone when he goes to bed early.

Where did he stay when you chucked him out before?

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