Aibu about homework?

[Babawoollysheep]

What are your dc like with homework?

My nearly 10 year old is terrible and getting worse.

It's a lot of topic work now so they get choices of what they can do.

He just doesn't care, chooses the easiest thing and spends less than 5 minutes then claims he finished. Takes zero care about the spelling and can't be bothered to check the dictionary.

We end up locking horns l, today I've told him to do it again, now I've got tears, been told twice he hates me and that I am being horrible and calling him a bad worker.

None of the tasks are particularly difficult, things like doing a bit of research, making a poster, writing a short story, drawing a picture in a particular style.

It's just a page of work presented nicely but he can't even be bothered to write his name on his work.

My patience is wearing very thin right now.

He keeps coming to me with bits of paper saying "is this good enough" with an attitude.

[Babawoollysheep]

Any advice how best to deal with it and keep my cool.

By the way many times I e tried to sit with him and do it together but he doesn't want to hear any suggestions and just wants to rush through everything.

[Chuffingchuff]

I don't have a 10 year old OP, but I remember hating homework when I was young and just finding It so boring. Is there anyway you can do something practical with him in relation to his homework to get him interested? For example, if something was given to him to do with history could you take him to a museum?

[EnormousDormouse]

That sounds like terrible, pointless homework.
Don't think there's any research that says homework does any good at primary age (certainly not of the 'make a poster' sort anyway - practise of a new maths skill to embed it would be different).
Can you just not do it/do the minimum (after speaking to the teacher)
(I am a primary teacher myself)

[user1498854363]

Op I appreciate it’s tough, but I think making it a battle sets you both up for years of struggles.
Why not agree a standard if that helps but you may need him to set his standard being as it’s his work and his learning?
He presumably works at school?

[abbsisspartacus]

Let him get into trouble at school over it

[lilydaisyrose]

I hate topic homework particularly OP and have already lost battle this afternoon with DD10 over a poster she has made of her shit invention. The poster is scrappy and the writing illegible and she's rushed it.

I'm not sure what the answer is but you are not alone. She has done a lovely PowerPoint though for another part of the homework. I am determined not to do homework for her and let her make the odd mistake and get corrected at school. I'll never forget the p1 make a castle project when a child turned up with a castle made out of cake - no construction input from child, all parent!

[crazycatlady5]

I used to get quite upset and stressed over homework and I personally think it’s totally unnecessary at least until older, when revising for exams etc. School days are long for kids and there’s so much to take in. I understand this doesn’t help your situation but just my POV.

[DayKay]

Ive done the same as you op.
I don’t think they should do sloppy work with minimum effort.
I tell them beforehand that they need to do decent presentable work or they’ll just be redoing it.
That way they know the consequences.
I also talk to them about why it’s important and how doing well in school will give them choices in life etc. I’m sure it’s all blah blah blah to them but i emphasise that I’m doing it because I’m on their side and not to make their lives a misery.
Ds1 is now in secondary school and puts effort into his work.

[bookmum08]

No advice but your son is clearly my daughter's long lost twin!!
Ruddy homework!!! Grrr!

[MrsHathaway]

It's difficult when it's such bollocks tasks like that (which are purely busy work, not consolidation, and therefore not evidence based).

What consequences are there at school for not doing it?

Could you insist on his sitting down to work for a certain time period, and if he finishes his official homework then it will be times tables drills or spellings or whatever? They're all available online. If he thinks that's more boring then he'd be more motivated to do the set work.

[Babawoollysheep]

Going to museum etc not always practical but appreciate it's worth doing when possible.

I was going to say I prefer when it's a specific piece of maths or English homework that we can work on together.

He won't get into trouble at school because the school don't seem to care. That's another story though. The school are having all sorts of problems and at the moment he doesn't even have a teacher and the class are being taught by a supply teacher part of the week, and whoever is available to stand in the rest of the time. Homework often isn't even marked.

Perhaps I should put my energy into doing other things?

[EyepatchOfTravis]

Blimey - if homework generally isn't even marked I'm not surprised he can't be arsed to do it!

[steppemum]

I have a ds aged 15, who was a home work nightmare.

In primary he just didn't care about homework, put in zero effort and it was a huge battle every week.
In the end I said - no screens on saturday until homework is done, but I didn't interfer. Once it was done and he showed it to me, whatever the standard, he put it away in his bag and it was then up to the school to mark it. I did warn his teacher that that was what I was going to do, and that if she wanted to out in consequences etc for bad homework, then I was fine with that.

he did it, but still rubbish, school marked it and gave him house points for doing it (sigh)

The minute he hit secondary all that changed. The homework was related to classwork, it was at the right level, they were accountable to school, who put in consequences if it wasn't done, and it was marked properly - bad home work had to be repeated.

Suddenly he had no trouble with homework

[Babawoollysheep]

It's hard and I feel like I'm winging it a lot of the time.

I just want him to do well, or well enough.

I've come to terms with the fact hat he not a child genius! But he's smart enough to do ok except he's just a bit lazy.

When the school DO mark it, they give him house points for sloppy work.

Going by that steppemum he'll have to step it up in secondary school.

[steppemum]

I think the real key here is that school do not mark it properly, and they give them house points just for completing it, and not for the standard. To me house points for sloppy work is rubbish. He has zero reason to do this work, and he knows it

Ds now goes to a grammar school so the expectation and standard is high, but really, the whole issue is very different.

Personally I would recommend a step back, tell him he is responsible and as a preparation for year 7 (is he year 6?) then he needs to take control himself. So you provide a place and screens off, etc, and it is up t him to do it, and chose what standard to do it and hand it in.

ds did step it up massively at secondary, not only in terms of what he did, but the whole battle stopped. secondary made them accountable.

[probablynapping]

I don't know what to suggest as I don't have children but you sound like such a fab mum! I wish all parents would care this much about homework and academic performance, a lot of parents would rather lock horns with the school than their own DC!

[steppemum]

probably - when you ave a child who has dug their heels in over something to do with school, sometimes it works much better to hand it back to school.

Kids have been known to argue for days with mum over somethign that is non negotiable and they will have to do in the edn. It is soul destroying, and destroys family life. Then school says - do it, and it is done.

I am a teacher, so understand this from both sides, I have 3 dc and only one who is like this over homework, but then to be fair, he was the only one whose teachers didn't mark it, or care about the standard.