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To think a lot of women are in shit relationships?

(93 Posts)
crunchymint Sun 18-Mar-18 14:54:11

It just saddens me how many women are in relationships where their partner does not respect them, belittles them, does not do their share of housework or childcare, or does not support them.

NSEA Sun 18-Mar-18 14:55:33

I don’t think this is the majority anymore, fortunately. Though for those that are it is depressing.

Are you in this situation?

NotUmbongoUnchained Sun 18-Mar-18 14:55:54

I only have a certain amount of sympathy if they choose not to leave their useless partners.

Gilead Sun 18-Mar-18 14:57:22

I only have a certain amount of sympathy if they choose not to leave their useless partners.
Which just goes to show how little you know about abusive relationships, but hey, I only have a limited amount of empathy for smug people with no comprehension. hmm

crunchymint Sun 18-Mar-18 14:57:34

No I am not in this situation, was for a brief time when young, and thankfully got out. But I still see women around me in shit relationships.

upsideup Sun 18-Mar-18 14:58:20

Its only on mn that every other woman has a partner like that. No way in real life is one in every two men abusive arseholes and now way do that many women just put up with it.

NameChanger22 Sun 18-Mar-18 14:59:34

I agree - I don't know anyone in a good relationship, friends family etc. People don't ask me why I'm single now, I think it's obvious why I'd want to be.

crunchymint Sun 18-Mar-18 15:00:08

Honestly when you are in a relationship where your partner does not treat you as an equal, it can be hard to see at first. And lots of women make excuses for their partner. Because leaving when you have kids is not an easy thing to do, even though it is for the best.

NotUmbongoUnchained Sun 18-Mar-18 15:00:51

giled my ex raped and tried to murder me actually so I know all about abusive relationships.

This is about useless men, not abusive ones.

DiplomaticBag Sun 18-Mar-18 15:00:57

Its only on mn that every other woman has a partner like that. No way in real life is one in every two men abusive arseholes and now way do that many women just put up with it.

I remain fascinated by people who think that there's a Mn reality entirely separate to the world at large.

BakerBear Sun 18-Mar-18 15:03:12

I think it is still the norm for the mum to do everything and dad just works.

Its much more common now for mums to work full time but they are still expected to do everything else yet the dad rarely chips in.

Many men claim to have a headache and lie on the sofa all weekend while mum does activities with the kids.

My father did fuck all with us as kids and my mum was resentful as hell and as kids we really felt it.

Although men are getting better at helping out compared to say in the 60s but it is still unfortunately expected of women to do most of everything

LorelaiVictoriaGilmore Sun 18-Mar-18 15:03:39

I guess I'm lucky not to know anyone in a bad relationship. Mn really opened my eyes to the awful things people go through. sad

upsideup Sun 18-Mar-18 15:03:58


Its because its not a fair reflection of the world at large. Not all women are on mumsnet and if you are in a happy relationship your are unlikely to post on the relationship topic for example. ( also people lie on anon forums to get attention)

ikeepaforkinmypurse Sun 18-Mar-18 15:04:56

I think a lot of "People" are in shit relationships, but reading about the bad ones on here doesn't mean they are the majority.

It's also obvious that there are a lot of very bitter and unhappy posters ready to scream "leave the bastard" for the smallest mistake and who see some kind of weird men conspiracy, blissfully ignoring the fact that women can be just as bad.

DiplomaticBag Sun 18-Mar-18 15:06:17

some kind of weird men conspiracy

Ever come across the term 'patriarchy'? hmm

demirose87 Sun 18-Mar-18 15:07:26

No I disagree. Of course there are some but I reckon there's more happt relationships than bad ones. I don't think the majority of women would put up with this behaviour, not do I think most men are this bad.

ikeepaforkinmypurse Sun 18-Mar-18 15:10:44

Ever come across the term 'patriarchy'?

oh give it a break, we're having it easy in this country, it's so much better to be a woman, I feel a bit sorry for my sons sometimes!

Ever heard of women cheating on their husband, abusing them, dumping them? Ever heard of women spending all the cash whilst the husband is working away? Get out of your comfort zone, and educate yourself.

Some People are shit, it's not a "Men vs women" world. You might have issues, but they are not the universal truth

crunchymint Sun 18-Mar-18 15:12:48

I don't see lots of posters saying LTB here unless it is justified. I suspect a lot of those who think that LTB is rarely justified on MN, are also in shit relationships.

bakerbear I agree. A lot of fathers do a bit with the kids, but if both work it is still the mum who ends up doing the majority. And that is not an equal respectful relationship.

megletthesecond Sun 18-Mar-18 15:17:26

I know lots of women in crap relationships. Some in ok ones and probably two in equal ones.

Women still have to deal with the house and kids while working. Or worse, aren't able to get a job because their DP puts pressure on them to stay at home and deal with the kids and housework.

Shoxfordian Sun 18-Mar-18 15:19:20

Yeah you're right. It only takes a casual glance at the relationships board to see all the shit relationships

DiplomaticBag Sun 18-Mar-18 15:23:40

we're having it easy in this country, it's so much better to be a woman, I feel a bit sorry for my sons sometimes!

That's the most ill-informed thing I've read on Mn, or close to it.

crunchymint Sun 18-Mar-18 15:42:46

Yes women have it easy in this country compared to say Saudi Arabia. But compared to western developed countries, our sex equality is actually very poor.

bakingaddict Sun 18-Mar-18 15:52:03

I think a lot of it is because society still expects women to work part time or have a little job that fits around the kids. You see so many threads were the female OP states ‘we decided for me to be a SAHM cos I’d only be working for £20 a week. Then by default they’re expected to do the whole shebang without any complaints and severely compromise financial independence and ability to return to work to boot

crunchymint Sun 18-Mar-18 15:56:48

And if they divorce, she is left in a poor financial situation. At least in the past women got spousal maintenance, but now they are expected to support themselves without any recognition that the fact they worked part time, or SAHM, or did not take a promotion because they could not fit in the extra demands - all to do childcare and housework, means that they will not earn what they were capable of earning.

Anatidae Sun 18-Mar-18 15:57:47

I agree OP.

Too many men are controlling, abusive etc

And lower down the scale, too many are just a bit thoughtless. The kind who thinks they’re babysitting when it’s their own kids and who leave all the mental load to the women/thinks they have to have a full night’s sleep for their desk job when there’s a child up at night despite the wife working too.

There are decent men out there - I had a horrible bug this week and dh packed me off to bed and did all the pick ups, drop offs, dinner bed and bath etc. (Which I reciprocated when he got it a couple of days later.)
I’m pregnant and shattered, he’s cooking tea. Just a respectful and decent division of labour.

And the UK has a long way to go. I now live in Sweden (dh is Swedish) and men here are
On the whole far more involved domestically.

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